Number 2, on the 24 front, I can't believe the crazy son of a bitch did it.
Number 3, I finally ventured out of the apartment last night for non-work and non-White Castle reasons. You know how I occasionally blather on and on about this sketch-comedy group I'm acquainted with through Jenny? Murderfist? Well, anyway, the main reason for seeing that group (and this is actually quite the compliment, because the rest of Murderfist is pretty damned funny in its own right) - Henry - had his first official Stand-Up gig last night at Caroline's Comedy Club. As far as comedy clubs go, I'd say Caroline's is up there for New York City. But, you have to keep in mind that it's not like Chris Rock is hanging around doing stand-up comedy gigs every other night. Big names don't just show up at Caroline's randomly, even though they'd like you to believe it. Most of the time, you've got a slew of shitty local comics telling the same damn jokes we've heard since the fucking 60s. Like, there was this one guy who was trying to be like Pat Cooper - he wasn't funny so he decided to make fun of specific audience members to get laughs - but all he could manage to think of talking about was how this one woman put bean dip on her chip. Then there was some handicapped woman on stage who needed crutches to walk and about five minutes to spit out a simple sentence. You know, just once could we find a comic with disabilities whose set isn't made up entirely of references TO that disability? And the last guy, MAN, what a disaster! He fucking made Michael Richards seem hilarious! Blind Dates have fewer awkward pauses and unfunny jokes! Henry was good, but the thing is he started out screamingly funny and kinda dwindled towards the end there. Still, awesome output for a first time. To be honest, Henry and this other guy with an Ohio State sweatshirt were the only two funny ones out there.
Number 4, there is no way I would EVER tip a bathroom attendant. That's just fucking rediculous and shouldn't even be a fucking job! I went pee after the comedy show last night, and Caroline's has one of those. I walked right past his little basket full of ones and fives, peed in the stall furthest from his stool, never once made eye contact, and left without washing my hands just so he wouldn't offer me a paper towel and "earn" his fucking tip for sitting on his ass listening to dudes drop deuces. What a racket! I'm all for being a generous tipper, but I'm only going to tip you if you provide a service tip-WORTHY. I paid $5 to get into the show, paid $11 for two Coronas (2-drink minimum), and with tax and tip it came to an even $20 because I didn't want to break a second 20. I sure as shit ain't breaking a twenty to tip the shitcan serviceman.
Number 5, I think Corona might become my defacto beer of choice when given the limited options that I was given at Caroline's last night. First and foremost, I'll NEVER drink a non-alcoholic beer if there are other beers offered, and Caroline's had two: O'Douls and something else. Secondly, I'll NEVER drink a light beer if a regular beer is offered, so that rules out Bud Light, Budweiser Select, Amstel Light, Coors Light. Third, I'll usually opt for the non-Budweiser brand if Budweiser isn't offered in a 16-ounce can or bigger. Fourth, Heineken tastes like ass. Fifth, Samuel Adams isn't very good and HIGHLY overrated (like, Wisconsin Badgers as a 2-seed overrated). Sixth, that's about all the beers they had on their pathetic little list, leaving only Corona. My biggest qualm with Corona is the fact that you have to drink it with a lime, and it's also the defacto beer of choice for women when they don't want to drink womanly beer. In other words, Corona is like one step up from a woman brew (actually, I'd say it's more like one of those Husky Stadium half-steps up). But, I have to drink it, because Corona tastes better than Heineken and Sam Adams.
Number 6, if USC doesn't get their asses handed to them by 21 points this Friday, I'll be shocked. They suck, mark it dude.
Number 7, Godspeed You Black Emperor is apparently playing two shows in New York City on July 27th and 28th. That means, however my plans shake out for the month of July, I WILL be here for those two nights, and I WILL be seeing that band play live.
Number 8, Apparently, summer concerts don't get finalized by March 20th. Apparently, this happens sometime later. Apparently, they're not as organized and booked-ahead-of-time as I thought. See, I want to see someone, anyone, play at The Gorge when I go home this year. I love that place, can't get enough of it. Ideally, it'd be someone I haven't seen yet, like Radiohead or The Mars Volta or a surprise, once-in-a-lifetime reunion of Phish, or The Grateful Dead fronted by Zombie Jerry Garcia. On that second tier, you've got bands I HAVE seen already, but would love to see again, like Pearl Jam or The Flaming Lips or Queens of the Stone Age or a surprise, once-in-a-lifetime reunion of Sleater-Kinney or The White Stripes or Modest Mouse. Then, there are those bands and singers who are LIKELY to play The Gorge, because they play it so often, but I really could care less either way if I ever see them live, like Dave Matthews Band or Tom Petty or Neil Young (actually, Neil Young would be pretty sweet, but only if Crazy Horse is there too) or, like, Van Morrison or something. I dunno. As long as it's not KUBE's Summer Jam, any rap artist, any douchey rock band like Hinder, any pop singer like Joss Stone, any techno DJ (just not the right venue), or the Warped Tour (seen it once, that's all I need; I'm not in the hunt for an all-day festival), I'll be good.
Number 9, I have to poop, but it's not my designated lunch time.
Number 10, I'm over halfway finished with "Slaugherhouse Five" by Kurt Vonnegut. I've been sporadically taking my lunch breaks over at Barnes & Noble to read book (singular) for free. Yesterday, Dave Winfield was signing copies of his book "Dropping The Ball" and there was a line of fans around the block. To think, I was THAT close to THE Dave Winfield! I'd rip a juicy one in his honor, but it's too close to my designated pooping time.
Number 11, I'm just killing time because I didn't write anything yesterday and struggled to fill my work day with entertaining read-stuffs.
Number 12, I made a pretty groovy Italian Pasta Salad Monday night. Boil the twirly pasta noodles. While you're doing that, dump a can of white kidney beans and a can of garbanzo beans into a bowl. Then, take a jar of cherry peppers, dump them out, and slice them, and throw them in the bowl with the beans and the pepper-juice from the jar. Take about a half-a-can of black olives and slice them once the long way, put into the bowl with some chopped green pepper. Let that sit for a while, add salt and pepper, put it in the fridge. Now, take 3/4 of a cup of olive oil and 1/3 of a cup of red wine or red vinegar and mix together in a cup with more pepper, some chopped parsley, and two cloves of finely chopped garlic. Let that sit in the fridge, separate from the bowl. When the noodles are done, rinse them with cold water. Drain the excess pepper juice from the bowl and mix together with the noodles. Add the dressing, mixing thoroughly, and eat. Best eaten chilled via fridge, but that's your call.
Number 13, I'd like to take this moment out to commemorate the fact that Jerramy Stevens has indeed dropped his last pass as a Seahawks tight end. Ding dong
Number 14, Had a half a bottle of wine last night. Oh how long it's been ... seriously, like ten days!
Number 15, I can't wait until I can poop.