NewYorkSteve (newyorksteve) wrote,

One More Now and One More Later and That's It, I Promise

What does a gay horse eat? HEEEEEEY! (OK, so that joke is nothing without the visual and the vocal inflection I'm planning, so the next time you see me in person, ask me what a gay horse eats and I promise I'll tell you).

Every year around this time it would seem that many people's hearts turn to fancy as they promote the love they feel to their significant other for the whole world to see. And every year, around this time, my heart turns to punching people in the face for making out on the subway while preventing clear passage through the rapidly opening and closing doors in the morning when 50,000 other people are trying to cram their ways to work.

With that out of the way, I'm free to talk about my weekend. At first glance, it doesn't sound as eventful as it was, but I'll try to justify setting it aside as its own post anyway.

I'm convinced that White Castle puts heroin in their food and I'll tell you why. First of all, they use the word "Crave" in their slogans, signs, and even their 1-800 number. Purchasing 30 hamburgers from White Castle is what's known as The Crave Case. Purchasing 100 hamburgers is known as The Crave Crate (and, at only $53 dollars, quite the bargain if you ask me). And, to put it all in perspective with the human touch, I me myself have eaten 22 of these dandies from last Thursday through Sunday. That's three trips in four days. And yes, one of those days I bought six burgers even though I'd already eaten dinner. My hands can't stop shaking right now; it's been about 17 hours and I haven't had my Slyder fix. Someday soon I'm just gonna buy a crave case and either eat until I die or collapse in a puddle of tears, for if I were to ever finish a crave case on my own, it'll mean the addiction has so consumed me, there's no quenching the rabid beast.

On the plus side, I had the opportunity on Saturday to pop Liz's White Castle cherry. I went there for lunch and she had me pick up a meal for her since she was so hungover from the night before. I feel like a junkie shooting up his little sister for her piggy bank money; let's hope she has the fortitude to fight what I've so blatantly caved into.

This came on the heels of my non-hangover from the long night of Budweiser and Merlot goodness. I finished Beerfest with my 6-pack of tallboys; then I switched to wine mid-stream and watched the end of an era. Liz and I were near tears by the end ...

After the White Castle Menagerie, I left for the city, to meet Emily on the western side of Manhattan for an art exhibit known as The Armory. When I got to 12th Avenue (right on the water facing the Hudson River - I think), she called me and said the line was out the building, down the block. See, originally we'd fancied ourselves sneaking in and seeing it for free. Fat chance of that, this thing was sealed up tighter than Fort Knox's butthole. Besides that, the line was oppressively long and I wasn't about to spend $20 after the spending spree I'd been on (what with comedy show tickets, White Castle, beer, etc.). So, in the end, Emily and I just walked around the city for a while and went home, determined to take it upon ourselves to explore the city (or just go exploring in general) at least once a month.

When we got home, I dove into the wine; there was no way I was going to a comedy show by myself AND sober. I finished watching Die Hard (which I started the night before but only got 41 minutes into before passing out) and probably plowed through one full bottle. I made it to Irving Plaza in plenty of time to bypass the long line of suckers (Will Call had no line).

Arj Barker was great, though brief. A.D. Miles started off weak, but won the crowd over for the most part (he sounded like an effeminate mid-westerner, though he claimed he'd been married before to a woman). But, obviously we were all here to see Zach Galifianakis.

I'm telling you, the greatest thing about Zach is the fact that I've seen him live once, seen him on video two other times, and now I've seen him live again; Saturday night, he repeated maybe 5 total jokes out of all those other times I'd seen him. And he put on a 90 minute set, or thereabouts.

So, he did his stand-up part, then he went over to the piano (where he just randomly plays as he tells the same type of jokes), and then it was the part of the show where he walks around in the audience and mingles with a few lucky members of the crowd. He made fun of some people, cued in on the one black guy in the audience, then started back for the stage. Now, this was great. Out of nowhere, this tall, put-together, younger individual (in his 20s) walked from the left side of the room to right behind Zach at the front of the room. He tapped Zach on the shoulder - startling him as it would anyone not named Chuck Norris, who would've delivered a fatal roundhouse kick to the throat - and said something to the effect of, "If you make me laugh right now, I won't ask for my money back." To which, Zach replied, "Okay, security!"

Then he shook them off and decided to have a dialogue with this disgruntled individual. Some fans from the crowd started to get pissed off at this guy, but Zach calmed them down, saying, "Hold on, let the hipster have his say." The hipster started babbling about how the tickets cost $36 and was just rambling on and on, so Zach said, "Come here, let's lean against the stage, this sounds like it's gonna take a while." Then, the crowd started yelling again, so Zach said to them, "Quiet, I'm trying to listen to Freddy Mercury!" Which was fairy accurate, as he did look like the flamboyant singer of Queen. Then, ohmygod, the greatest exchange took place. So, awkwardly, right after Zach made the Freddy Mercury reference, the guy said, "Well, actually, I DO have AIDS." And Zach said, "Well, I don't usually say this about that, but THANK GOD." Finally, the guy went back to the place where he was standing, wouldn't shut up, was thrown out by security, and Zach yelled out to him, "Hey, have you ever been kicked out for $36? Because it looks like you are now." It was an awesome show.

That leads me right into Sunday, which was a total blast. So, Emily invited me over to her friend Katya's (I don't know if that's how you spell it) loft in Williamsberg, where they were working on an art project. Seems that Katya is filming a giant chess game using real people with paper maché hats of the various chess pieces. The filming is next weekend, and she's kinda running on a tight schedule, so I offered my services for a few hours. That meant, I got to play with paper maché for a solid six hours! My jeans were covered in that glue shit by the time 5pm rolled around. I had to get the fuck outta there and buy groceries and get ready for work today, so I left the group, but I still managed to fix up four of the hats to the point where they're ready for painting. Like I said, the filming is next weekend, so I'm gonna go check it out. Probably not all day, but at least a few hours.

OK, one more post to go, and if you don't know what it's gonna be about, I won't spoil it for you. If it's up today, it'll be this afternoon ... if I can manage to even see the screen through all the tears ...

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