June 3rd, 2009


Funky Bi-Lingual

I wanted to make a simple salad, so I just bought a package of spinach leaves, an avacado, and a can of Southwestern Style Kidney Beans from my local Red Apple Market. I figured the beans would be like your average can of kidney beans, plus some diced peppers and shit. In reality, it was much MUCH more like your average can of chili, only minus the meat. Nevertheless, I piled the three ingredients together and it turned out pretty well. Threw in half of a sliced up bell pepper for good measure. A little chili-y, but otherwise a fine add-on to the pasta I made this week.

I decided to take a can of diced tomatoes with a can of crushed tomatoes (and a little extra tomato sauce) and mix it up with a chopped yellow onion, some hot cherry peppers, a lot of garlic and a little bell pepper. Not bad, but the sauce was a little watery (I blame the diced tomatoes; I like them in sauce, but I've got to drain the can of the majority of the water that's in there).

Not my finest effort, but it passed the most important test: does it taste good cold the following day? Since I'm eating for one, when I make a big-ass thing of pasta, that shit's gotta last four or five days; and there's pretty much nothing more degrading than eating re-heated pasta. Why not just spit cum on my face and call me a slut?

OK, so this one's taking a sharp turn.

In 16 days, 9 hours, and 20 minutes, I'll be in Vegas. We've got Duelling Bachelor Parties! Colin & Eric, those little grooms-to-be, will be duking it out in a no holds barred grudgematch. Preferably in a vat of pudding surrounded by 6 or 7 bikini-clad strippers.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm not exactly a veteran of bachelor parties. I've seen movies, I guess. Basically, you go to Vegas, lose $20,000 gambling, spend another $10,000 on lap dances and alcohol, accidentally kill a hooker, bury her in the desert, and keep repeating the mantra "What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas". That sounds about right, doesn't it?

The only thing that seriously sucks balls is that we're forced - due to scheduling conflicts - to have it in 16 days, 9 hours, and 11 minutes. I was hoping to have a nice little bankroll to blow; I really wanted to do this weekend right. Now, at best, I've got two paychecks coming my way. That's roughly $2200, plus the $300 I have in the bank. Take out about $400 for bills, another $600 for July rent (because I refuse to lose the farm in Vegas like every other cliche out there). That leaves me at, best-case-scenario, $1500 to blow. That's taking into account I'll be living off of my credit card for the next two weeks.

God damn it, I better hit some kind of jackpot in Vegas ... Papa needs a new pair of 10-Grand.