May 15th, 2009


Caffeine & Hand Granades

It's been a good week for Getting Shit Done. I plowed through three books' worth of short stories in about 4 days, selecting the choicest cuts for the class I'll be teaching. I responded to various means of correspondance. I went to the gym on Monday and Wednesday for the first times in about a whole damned month (doing 4 miles each day in the process). Lost miserably at our flag football game on Tuesday; racked up a huge 170 pin per-game average in our new bowling league last night (Thursdays for the next 13 weeks). And all that work at Work that I've been putting off all week? Got that shit done today.

I'm a god among peons! You shall address me as: His Mighty Swollen Sack, The King Of All That Is Funky. I will respond to no other title.

Let's see, what else ... fuck my ass ... I'm not gonna lie to you, this is what I've consumed today: two cups of black coffee on an empty stomach, three krispy kreme donuts, three chocolate chip cookies, water. I'm as jittery as a mental patient on an electric fence.

Here's a fun fact: you're never more aware of the fact that you're staring at cleavage as when you're not wearing your glasses because they're at the shop getting a new prescription installed. How I'm not fired for gross misconduct, I have no idea.

Do you know that this is the first two week period where I haven't consumed one drop of alcohol in ... ever? That's right, I've never in my entire life gone two weeks without alcohol. From infancy to fancy! I don't feel any different, no better or no worse. My checking account probably thanks me. Of course, that bastard won't feel so hot next week when I spend a fortune at Sasquatch. I love music festivals, but God damn they don't love my budget. Fortunately for all concerned, I have no budget. I SPEND and SPEND and SPEND to my heart's content and then I spend some more because no, I don't have nearly enough Built To Spill CDs. Who's going to be my Built To Spill this year? I'm guessing Animal Collective.


I want to see them like a fat kid wants to eat pussy. Bet you didn't see that twist on an old fave, didja?

But in all seriousness, Animal Collective, I'm guessing, will be the greatest live act I've seen since LCD Soundsystem back at Lollapalooza 2007. Speaking of which, it's about time guys. I'm going to need more music from you posthaste.

Also high on my list - aside from the comedy? I don't know because I don't have my list with me. I'm still a little irritated that I'm not seeing Explosions In The Sky. More than a little irritated since I went on their website and discovered that they're doing, like, three shows all year and this is one of them. Fuck me. I can hear them playing in my head right now and it's driving me crazy with delight and anguish.


Oh and Michael, if you're reading this, Nate's done the right thing and decided to wait and drive. So, the four of us will all be riding over in style and comfort in Nate's Envoy. We're thinking of leaving around 8am on Saturday. The question is: will you be able to catch a ride over to our apartment that morning? If not, I can either pick you guys up beforehand or Nate and I can pick you guys up on our way. Let me know. I live in Beacon Hill; you have my number; LionInAComaLionInAComa.

My GOD if I don't eat something substantial soon, my body is going to wither and collapse in a caffeine withdrawal so hard that I'm convinced I'll shatter and my guts will spill out in a bloody, steaming, heap. And then Kuato from "Total Recall" will crawl around on the floor demanding a raise from my supervisors, because shit man, he's really the one running the show. And you don't fuck with Kuato