October 9th, 2008


Hammer Of The Metal Gods!

Did you know that they don't close the roof to Safeco Field when it rains during the offseason? Just one of the tidbits you learn when you live within eyesight (or have access to the Internet).

So, a lot of people like to clown on Metallica. Many of the "Online Persuasion" think they're collosal assholes for breaking Napster into a million pieces. Which, if you think about it, is actually pretty accurate - instead of finding your music in one crappy place - plucking them song-by-song like raspberries - you have probably millions of different ways to steal music, much more efficiently even (so fuck off, Metallica did you assholes a fucking favor!). I'm not really talking to those people though.

I'm talking to the "Metalheads". Whatever the fuck that means. I don't understand how you can be a fan of heavy metal music AND a snob about it, but there you go. Metal is, by definition, some of the dumbest music on the planet. Only slightly more intelligent than punk music because they use more than three chords in Metal, and in some cases, they even get into the progressive aspect music has to offer (long tracks, lots of tempo changes, lofty subject matter, etc.). Nevertheless, you wouldn't expect rational, coherent discourse about Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls" album, but I bet you could find it somewhere.

Anyway, Metalheads have been up in arms these last 8 or so years. Actually, you could probably trace it back to 1991 with the black album's radio-friendly barrage of singles, or the aforementioned Napster flareup and its corresponding Mission Impossible Soundtrack single that started the whole fucking thing in the first place, or when they did a live double album with a backing symphony, or when they cut off their hair and made two of the most polished (production-wise) albums of their career in "Load" and "Reload". I'll go ahead and stick with their last album - "St. Anger" - with the ban on all guitar solos and the funky steel-drum sound coming out of Lars Ulrich's set, and this latest album "Death Magnetic" - a return to their past glories in the vein of "Master of Puppets" and "...And Justice For All".

You'll get consensus, across the board agreement among Metalheads that St. Anger was one of the worst albums of all time. I tend to disagree; I think five of those songs are fucking awesome, stripped down, no-nonsense rock n' roll, and the rest aren't half-bad in their own right, even if the lyrics aren't Keats. Most of the band's fans would agree, since it went double-platinum. Well, Metalheads were back in full force this time around as well, bashing the latest record even while back-handedly complimenting the re-dedication to thrash-metal rocking.

Foiled again! The bums will always lose, Lebowski! Metalheads be damned, because after squatting atop the album charts for three consecutive weeks, in its fourth, Death Magnetic has already gone platinum. Take that!

I'm a terrible fan though. The day I bought it, at Fry's, I listened to half of it on the way home. And I have since been too lazy/forgetful to throw it onto my iPod. Now, with my fucked up bedroom setup, it's a pain in my royal ass to connect my iPod to my computer. Don't ask. Just trust me, it's a pain in the ass to maneuver my computer equipment as it now sits. I may have to do some remodelling.

In the meantime, I'm returning to some of those late-90s albums - like the symphony-rich "S&M" - and trying to make heads or tails of when it all went wrong for James Hetfield. I mean, I couldn't possibly see myself EVER going completely sober ...
  • Current Music
    Metallica - The Call of Ktulu