August 21st, 2008

Don't Hassle the Hoff

Jury Duty Day 4 - Flatulence

Well, I drank my way into three mediocre games of bowling last night during the championship round, but I refuse to blame the alcohol! First of all, I blame the fucking bowling alley for screwing us on our record - taking away three Week 8 victories that would've sealed the deal for an unimpeded title - thus forcing us to play a superior team at the top of their game. Second of all, I wasn't the only one averaging 20-below his average. The Hammer was the only one pulling his own weight last night; and these were three winnable games, I tell you what. But, whatever, Macho Cheese is still Number 1 in my book, so fuck off Narrows Plaza Bowl.

Of course, all that beer and pizza at the alley didn't help matters today, as I've been cutting more cheese than the state of Wisconsin. I've exploded from my ass into the toilet so much today that my hemorrhoids now have hemorrhoids. This wasn't as much of a concern in the early going, but after lunch I was in court for two of the longest hours of my life.

You might have a ton of gas in your system when it feels like there's a mosh pit with your organs. You might have a ton of gas in your system when it makes more noise just moving around in your body than it would if you let it rip inside a still courtroom. Oh, and remember that really hot brunette I mentioned ad nauseum yesterday? Yeah, she was in my group of 40. Yeah, she was sitting right in front of me. Yeah, she turned around and looked at me because of the jet engine rumbling around my abdomen. Yeah, that's a good ice breaker; Are you farting in court? No no, I'm just trying to keep this hot air balloon from blowing out chunks of shit into my pants! Don't mind me, please continue trying to pay attention to the yahoos up front while I single-handedly make everyone uncomfortable around me.

Anyway, I got there today at 9:30am. Found out there were two superior court cases who both needed 40 people to weed their ways down to 12 apiece. Found out there were 82 people in attendance in the Jury Room. Then, around 11am, I found out that the second case didn't need anybody, so half the people could go home. Then, right before Jan let us out for a 2 hour lunch, I found out that I WASN'T one of the 42 people who got to go home for the day.

I drove to the Taco Del Mar by my house, loaded up on more gastrointestinal rocket fuel, and ate until I almost burst in the comfort of my own home. Returned at 1:30, waited around for an hour playing solitare with the deck of cards I brought with me, then went up to the 8th floor for voir dire (that's what the act of whittling down a jury pool from 40 to 12 is called). I'm not going to get into what was talked about because I have to go back on Monday at 1:30pm for more of this voir dire. Two or three people were excused though, one because he thought he might be biased one way or the other and the other two because they couldn't commit to the time frame required. If I'm picked for this thing, I may have to sit there until the 5th of September.

This is probably my last chance to crack a jury since there will be a fresh batch of jury victims next Monday and they tend to keep those on their second week of jury duty away from the bigger cases. If I don't get this one, my only hope would be for something that would begin and end in the same day or so. I can honestly say that I'm intrigued in the possibilities for this case, so I kinda hope I get picked. I'm not getting my hopes up though.

OK, that's all for now. I'm off of Jury Duty tomorrow, so I guess I'll have to go in to work. Stay tuned.
  • Current Music
    Yo La Tengo - How To Make A Baby Elephant Float

The Seattle Seahawks Mile Of Honor

Softy Softerson today made an interesting point today after conducting an interview with former Seahawks fullback Mack Strong: Do you think Mack Strong deserves to be in the Ring of Honor?

In a sense, his numbers don't really add up, considering all he was was a blocking back. And, like Softy said, if you let every questionable Seahawk in just because he'd been with the team for so long, it WOULD be the Mile of Honor. They'd need to build another stadium to fit them all!

However, you have to look at this objectively; you have to base all consideration on how well the player had played his position and if he did what he was supposed to do exceedingly well.

The following are currently in the Ring of Honor:

Dave Brown, cornerback, led the team in all-time interceptions, interception return yards, and interceptions for touchdowns
Kenny Easley, safety, one of the hardest hitting in team history, helped redefine the position along with 49ers great Ronnie Lott
Jacob Green, defensive end, sack master on some really good defenses in the 80s
Pete Gross, play-by-play man from the team's inception through 1992
Cortez Kennedy, defensive tackle, won Defensive Player of the Year in 1992 and was a force who commanded double and triple teams throughout his career
Chuck Knox, head coach, led the team in its glorious early 80s years, now second in all-time Seahawks wins (behind current coach Mike Holmgren)
Dave Krieg, quarterback, holds many Seahawks passing records that either have been or will be surpassed by current QB Matt Hasselbeck; ranks in the top 20 in many all-time NFL stats
Steve Largent, wide receiver, was the greatest all-time NFL receiver when he retired in 1989, is the only Seahawks hall of fame entrant
Curt Warner, running back, was the greatest Seahawks running back until Shaun Alexander broke all his records
Jim Zorn, quarterback, first Seahawks quarterback who led the team into prominence in the late 70s and early 80s

With the exception of Tez, all of these players and personnel were with the Seahawks in their glory years of the 1980s, so that obviously plays right into this thing. When your team's good, that generally means there were a lot of really good players on the team. When they were crappy - like most of the late 80s and all of the 90s - the great players were few and far between. Now, though, since 2000, the Seahawks have been good again, so obviously, we're going to run into more Ring of Honor inductees.

The following are locks, in my mind:

Shaun Alexander, running back, only Seahawks MVP, holds team records in yards and touchdowns
Matt Hasselbeck, quarterback, holds Seahawks records for passing and led the team to a Super Bowl birth
Mike Holmgren, head coach, catalyst for Seahawks resurgence, owns team record for wins
Walter Jones, left tackle, one of the greatest who ever played his position, been to the pro bowl 8 times in his career; will most certainly be the second Seahawk in the hall of fame

That's four more right there automatically thrown into the pile once they retire. Now, that leaves the possible future Ring of Honorees:

Lofa Tatupu, middle linebacker, he'd need to have somewhere between 5 and 7 more seasons like he's had so far, but with the three pro bowl selections in three seasons, he's well on his way
Leroy Hill, outside linebacker, he'd need to re-sign after the season and continue having very productive seasons for a decade or more
Marcus Trufant, cornerback, he's only really had one all-pro type of season and that was last year; he'll definitely have to step up his game and become a true lockdown corner for this to happen
Julian Peterson, outside linebacker, he has a very outside shot since he's already played five seasons with the 49ers; would really have to wow us the rest of the way

And that leaves Mack Strong. In my mind, he should be in there. He played with us for 14 seasons and blocked for three different 1,000 yard rushers (Chris Warren, Ricky Watters, Shaun Alexander). He was a fullback and his primary obligation was blocking, and as a blocking back, there hasn't been any better to ever play for this team. Just because he didn't get many carries or yards or catches or touchdowns, that shouldn't be held against him. He played every down in a Seahawks uniform. That's gotta mean something. Plus, he went to two pro bowls and blocked for an MVP.

Besides, his name is Mack Strong. Even if he was a complete bum, wouldn't you HAVE to have that name honored in your stadium for the prestige alone?

So, don't hesitate, Seahawks brass. Put him in there before the four locks I mentioned above. Give him his time in the sun, give him the glory he rightly deserves.
  • Current Music
    Yo La Tengo - Let's Be Still