Jury Duty Day 4 - Flatulence
Well, I drank my way into three mediocre games of bowling last night during the championship round, but I refuse to blame the alcohol! First of all, I blame the fucking bowling alley for screwing us on our record - taking away three Week 8 victories that would've sealed the deal for an unimpeded title - thus forcing us to play a superior team at the top of their game. Second of all, I wasn't the only one averaging 20-below his average. The Hammer was the only one pulling his own weight last night; and these were three winnable games, I tell you what. But, whatever, Macho Cheese is still Number 1 in my book, so fuck off Narrows Plaza Bowl.
Of course, all that beer and pizza at the alley didn't help matters today, as I've been cutting more cheese than the state of Wisconsin. I've exploded from my ass into the toilet so much today that my hemorrhoids now have hemorrhoids. This wasn't as much of a concern in the early going, but after lunch I was in court for two of the longest hours of my life.
You might have a ton of gas in your system when it feels like there's a mosh pit with your organs. You might have a ton of gas in your system when it makes more noise just moving around in your body than it would if you let it rip inside a still courtroom. Oh, and remember that really hot brunette I mentioned ad nauseum yesterday? Yeah, she was in my group of 40. Yeah, she was sitting right in front of me. Yeah, she turned around and looked at me because of the jet engine rumbling around my abdomen. Yeah, that's a good ice breaker; Are you farting in court? No no, I'm just trying to keep this hot air balloon from blowing out chunks of shit into my pants! Don't mind me, please continue trying to pay attention to the yahoos up front while I single-handedly make everyone uncomfortable around me.
Anyway, I got there today at 9:30am. Found out there were two superior court cases who both needed 40 people to weed their ways down to 12 apiece. Found out there were 82 people in attendance in the Jury Room. Then, around 11am, I found out that the second case didn't need anybody, so half the people could go home. Then, right before Jan let us out for a 2 hour lunch, I found out that I WASN'T one of the 42 people who got to go home for the day.
I drove to the Taco Del Mar by my house, loaded up on more gastrointestinal rocket fuel, and ate until I almost burst in the comfort of my own home. Returned at 1:30, waited around for an hour playing solitare with the deck of cards I brought with me, then went up to the 8th floor for voir dire (that's what the act of whittling down a jury pool from 40 to 12 is called). I'm not going to get into what was talked about because I have to go back on Monday at 1:30pm for more of this voir dire. Two or three people were excused though, one because he thought he might be biased one way or the other and the other two because they couldn't commit to the time frame required. If I'm picked for this thing, I may have to sit there until the 5th of September.
This is probably my last chance to crack a jury since there will be a fresh batch of jury victims next Monday and they tend to keep those on their second week of jury duty away from the bigger cases. If I don't get this one, my only hope would be for something that would begin and end in the same day or so. I can honestly say that I'm intrigued in the possibilities for this case, so I kinda hope I get picked. I'm not getting my hopes up though.
OK, that's all for now. I'm off of Jury Duty tomorrow, so I guess I'll have to go in to work. Stay tuned.
Of course, all that beer and pizza at the alley didn't help matters today, as I've been cutting more cheese than the state of Wisconsin. I've exploded from my ass into the toilet so much today that my hemorrhoids now have hemorrhoids. This wasn't as much of a concern in the early going, but after lunch I was in court for two of the longest hours of my life.
You might have a ton of gas in your system when it feels like there's a mosh pit with your organs. You might have a ton of gas in your system when it makes more noise just moving around in your body than it would if you let it rip inside a still courtroom. Oh, and remember that really hot brunette I mentioned ad nauseum yesterday? Yeah, she was in my group of 40. Yeah, she was sitting right in front of me. Yeah, she turned around and looked at me because of the jet engine rumbling around my abdomen. Yeah, that's a good ice breaker; Are you farting in court? No no, I'm just trying to keep this hot air balloon from blowing out chunks of shit into my pants! Don't mind me, please continue trying to pay attention to the yahoos up front while I single-handedly make everyone uncomfortable around me.
Anyway, I got there today at 9:30am. Found out there were two superior court cases who both needed 40 people to weed their ways down to 12 apiece. Found out there were 82 people in attendance in the Jury Room. Then, around 11am, I found out that the second case didn't need anybody, so half the people could go home. Then, right before Jan let us out for a 2 hour lunch, I found out that I WASN'T one of the 42 people who got to go home for the day.
I drove to the Taco Del Mar by my house, loaded up on more gastrointestinal rocket fuel, and ate until I almost burst in the comfort of my own home. Returned at 1:30, waited around for an hour playing solitare with the deck of cards I brought with me, then went up to the 8th floor for voir dire (that's what the act of whittling down a jury pool from 40 to 12 is called). I'm not going to get into what was talked about because I have to go back on Monday at 1:30pm for more of this voir dire. Two or three people were excused though, one because he thought he might be biased one way or the other and the other two because they couldn't commit to the time frame required. If I'm picked for this thing, I may have to sit there until the 5th of September.
This is probably my last chance to crack a jury since there will be a fresh batch of jury victims next Monday and they tend to keep those on their second week of jury duty away from the bigger cases. If I don't get this one, my only hope would be for something that would begin and end in the same day or so. I can honestly say that I'm intrigued in the possibilities for this case, so I kinda hope I get picked. I'm not getting my hopes up though.
OK, that's all for now. I'm off of Jury Duty tomorrow, so I guess I'll have to go in to work. Stay tuned.