August 20th, 2008

Don't Hassle the Hoff

Jury Duty Day 3 - Another Tough Day At The Salt Mines

Now that's more like it. The county is finally starting to pay me almost what I'm worth. In at 9:30am, out by 11am, 10 bucks plus gas milage. I got in, took my seat, scoped out the gorgeous brunette with all the freckles and the nice rack three rows ahead and 10 seats to the right, sat through a 33-person lottery, read some, wrote some, sat through a 15-person lottery, wrote some more, found a newspaper crossword puzzle, scoped out the gorgeous brunette some more - mindful to shamefully avert my eyes when she noticed me scoping her out - sat through a second 15-person lottery, did more of the newspaper crossword puzzle, continued shamefully scoping out the gorgeous brunette, sat through a final 15-person lottery, was told to go home and call in tonight to see if I have to come in tomorrow, walked out mere paces behind the gorgeous brunette, scoping her out in her blue jeans, got in my car, listened to some Softy Softerson on the radio, walked into the house, changed into my shorts and a t-shirt, thought some more about the gorgeous brunette with the freckles and the rack and the blue jeans, listened to some Yo La Tengo, and started writing this post.

Some other thoughts:

Long-haired skinny brunette with freckles and big boobs underneath a tight dark-gray t-shirt with blue jeans.

I struck up a conversation yesterday with a high school teacher in the Kent school district yesterday. Well, actually, she struck one up with me while I was trying to finish a crossword puzzle, but nevertheless, the conversation wasn't unwelcome. Anyway, she was telling me about all the new technology they've implimented in the Kent school district. All the desktop and laptop computers aside, they have something that's more-or-less an Enhanced White Board. She went onto explain it and likened it to that big board CNN uses when they do their primary election coverage, where there's this computer projection thing and you can use your hands on the board to move things around and make it bigger and shit. I can't believe these ingrates get that kind of learning experience! I grew up with chalkboards and finally advanced to an all-whiteboard system with the erasable ink markers! How amazing is that?

I'd have to say the surprising high-point in my experience has been all the corny jokes our lottery-caller Jan tells whenever she gets up to the podium. Like this one about two priests who die and go to heaven. Well, St. Peter says that their condos aren't quite finished yet, so they have to go back to Earth in the meantime. BUT, they can choose to be whatever they want while they're there. So, the first priest says he'd like to be an eagle who soars over the Grand Canyon. Poof, he turned into an eagle and off he went. The second priest thought about it for a second and said, "I'd like to go back and be a real stud." So, he was sent back down and when their condos were ready, St. Peter summoned an angel to go retrieve the two. The angel says, "How will I know where to find them?" and St. Peter says, "Well, the first one's easy to find, he's an eagle soaring over the Grand Canyon. The other one will be a little tricky, though. He's on the wheel of a snowmobile on Mt. Rainier."

Get it? A "stud"? Oh man, when you're loopy from three days of tedium, these jokes will start to become the funniest things you'll ever hear.

There's also this one about a trucker who goes into a diner for breakfast. He says to the waitress, "I'll have three flat tires, two headlights, and two burnouts." The waitress, not knowing what this meant, but not wanting to sound stupid, wrote down the order and asked the chef in the back what he meant. "Well, three flat tires are three pancakes, two headlights are two eggs sunny-side up, and two burnouts are two crisp pieces of bacon." The waitress smiled, walked over, and scooped out a cup of beans, taking them over to the trucker. "What are these? I didn't order any beans." "Yeah," the waitress said, "but I figured while you're waiting, you might want to fill up your gas tank."

HAHAHAHAHAHA, so funny! Kill me now.
  • Current Music
    Yo La Tengo - Tears Are In Your Eyes