July 29th, 2008


Pig Vagina Batting Donut

... the company's internal research showed that the games are "bringing a whole new demographic and audience to rock." ... "Pretty soon, this is going to be the way you sell music."

I have a saying that I tend to mutter under my breath whenever something incomprehensibly stupid or shitty happens. I'll put you in the scene, if I can. Let's say you're waiting in line for a movie and it's time. The previews have started, you got a late start, you're four people from the front, and all you want to do is buy your ticket and run into the theater before the opening credits roll. At the front of the line is an elderly woman. Old, but not so old she can't make a huge stink because she wants to save the dollar she's entitled to under the Senior Citizen Discount. This inanity continues until managers are involved, and before you know it, you don't know if you want to check your phone's clock before you throw it at her disgruntled head or just throw the fucker as hard as you can, hoping she falls to line-wide applause. That's when I'll sigh, look away, and say just loudly enough for me and anyone within 12 inches to hear, "God damn it, I hate everyone."

I tend to lose faith in mankind at a minimum of four times a day. And it's not like mankind ever redeems itself, I just tend to forget how much everyone really and truly sucks.

If I was in high school, people would point at me and say, "There goes an angsty teen." Whatever the fuck that means. All I know is, I'm 20-something barrelling in on 30-something, and people suck as much today as they did 15 years ago. Assholes clinging to their status and popularity in gym class are the same motherfuckers clinging to their status and popularity in the corporate world.

Let's see. Let's go over everything I've read today that makes me die a little more inside. Well, ComicCon has been pretty much taken over by Hollywood, rendering a quaint festival once highlighted by the selling and trading of ... comic books ... into another marketing strategy for motion pictures and television to make considerably more money. Added onto the hundreds of other articles, journalists are STILL asking that same tired question, "Is America Ready For A Black President?" A group of fat fucks are offended by the movie Wall-E's portrayal of slothful future humans as obese imbeciles. And Aerosmith has their own Guitar Hero game.

That's right, CD sales are down another 16.3% over the first half of this year, leaving the digital sales - while up in the 30%'s - insufficiently weighing the other end of the scales. So, how do they recoup all those lost millions? By consolidating the major labels, by giving away souls for television commercials, and by throwing all their weight into ringtones and video games.

Fuck me, man. WHAT HAPPENED? I'm most certainly not one of those types who goes around saying, "Technology Bad! LP's Good!" But then again, this is gettin' to be re-god-damned-diculous! How much longer will it be before I can't go into a store and buy CDs anymore? Does everything have to be so easily accessible? Tell me again how our world won't end up JUST like the one in Wall-E ... because I'm pretty sure we're not only embarking upon that path, we're halfway there. Whoa-oa ... livin' on a prayer!

And why are the Jonas Brothers on the cover of my Rolling Stone? Is every flash in the pan entitled to whore themselves out on the greatest music magazine of all time? Is this what we're reduced to? I know the editors couldn't give two shits about their music; this is a corporate move designed to move copy. Plain and simple. It's enough to make you mutter, "God damn it, I hate everyone."