January 4th, 2008


A Hard-Fart Nomination

There are two things going on in the last 24 hours that are pretty big in the grand scheme of things.

1. A black man and a crazy hilbilly just won the Iowa caucus


2. Late night talk shows are back on the air.

Of course, it's four days into 2008 and I haven't seen a pair of titties yet, but that's neither here nor there.

To bring everybody up to speed, David Letterman owns the production company that makes his and Craig Ferguson's shows (broadcast on CBS) and he managed to strike up a separate deal with their writers to get them back on staff without crossing any picket lines. So, for the Late Show and the Late Late Show, it'll be business as usual.

On the other side of the horse, you've got Leno and Conan. Now, I wasn't able to stay up for Conan last night, but from what I read it was pretty astounding how he was able to kill time by drinking water, spinning his wedding ring on his desk, and talking about how much time he was killing. Leno, on the other hand, is off having ten-minute self-written monologues and expounding at great length with the likes of Howie Mandell and Mike Huckabee.

Now, I'm no big fan of Leno, but does the world really need 20 minutes of sit-down time with Howie Mandell? Deal or No Deal isn't interesting enough for 2 minutes, let alone 20. But, that's really all Leno can muster right now because the Writer's Guild and the Screen Actor's Guild are coercing actors to stay away from Leno and Conan, pushing them towards Letterman and the other guy because they're actually PAYING WRITERS. So, Leno gets politicians and athletes and NBC personalities. So sad. Not really.

And don't even get me started on how Jimmy Kimmel's handling all of this. It's pretty brutal. At least Leno has stand-up comedy as his primary vocation, he can bust out ten minutes of jokes a night with the best of 'em (because he's a robot). But Kimmel's not a stand-up comic. He's a personality. He's a man's man, and in a room full of me and my brother and everyone else I know, he'd be the funniest man IN that room. But, alone, in front of a camera without cue cards or proper viewing material to make fun of, it's rough going.

Not NEARLY as rough going as my boy Barack Obama's seeing things these days! (how about THAT for a segue) He was going into today either a percentage ahead or a percentage behind Clinton; he ended up winning by something like 8% ... and that's over EDWARDS! Not that any of this really means anything, except that Edwards was projected something like 10% lower, and that Obama was set at around 17% lower a month or two ago. But, it's not New Hampshire and it's not South Carolina and it's NOT Super Tuesday, but momentum is momentum and that's probably why we should all fear Mike Huckabee.

Of course, all anyone's talking about now is how things might slingshot for those who DIDN'T win Iowa tonight. Apparently with Romney losing, this is good news for McCain? Who finished 4th? Yeah, except that all of Fred Thompson's votes (3rd) will be going to the like-religious-minded Huckabee; and except that Romney losing Iowa still doesn't make him as damaged goods as McCain. Nice try though.

If anything, this is major news for Edwards, who was supposed to be deader than dead; now he's apparently more viable than Clinton. Of course, I already knew that, and when the rest of America starts to foolishly get cold feet about the possibility of electing a black man president, it's going to be John Edwards there ready to run his lilly white ass into the white house.