January 2nd, 2008


Reno Is Disease; I Am Zah Funny Shtuff

They call it the Nightingale* Betting Strategy, where you play even-money bets on 50/50 odds at the Roulette Table, doubling your bet each time you lose. See, the thing is, you could lose four or five times in a row, but as soon as you win, you've recovered everything you've lost, plus you gain that original betting amount. The only catch is, no matter how badly you want to switch things up or spread your chips around on those shiny black and red numbers out there, you have to keep betting the same thing over and over. Red or black, never deviating.

I bet black.

And for the first two nights, that's all I needed to do. I took out $300 when I got there, had an extra $50 or so lying around in my wallet (if memory serves** there could've been anywhere from $40 to $70 in there before my card's lips touched ATM Swipe), and little by four-dollar little, I would go on to amass and lose and amass a nearly even-money strategy for toppling this Ugly-Infested Biggest Little City. Sure, I lost my drunken head by dropping $200 at a Dealer Vs. The World Texas Hold 'Em like they were my drawers in a SloaneBoy Sports Argument, but I was on the road to recovery.

And then I hit eight reds in a row.

Day three*** saw me a mere $20 from overtaking my monetary position upon touching down at Reno International Airport**** and I decided to get it all back before my second sportsbook bet of the day. Every time I was looked at cock-eyed for going with the Nightingale Strategy, I'd receive some kind of passive aggressive guff about how Why Just Today Somebody Hit Eleven Reds In A Row; or You Shoulda Been Here Earlier When We Hit Eleven Blacks In A Row ... always with the elevens. I'm SOO scared!

Look, if there's one fault in the Nightingale Strategy, it's the fact that A. you need to have the bankroll to afford a potential Eight Consecutive Reds and B. every table has a high-end betting limit (which, I'm assuming would equate to something around ten or eleven consecutive losing bets at the Nightingale Strategy). I figured it out, I could barely afford (I think) six losses before NEEDING to hit on that seventh number, otherwise I wouldn't have enough to double my bet*****.

So, after my sixth loss, I had a hundred something left and I sprinkled it around. Fortunately, I hit on 32 with 4 or 5 chips on there, netting me somewhere around $140. I took $40, doubled up, then put $109 down on Hawaii to win after squandering $20 on Illinois to win ...

Oooooo. Yeah. I'm not making any more bets on college football ever in life ever again.

Those games weren't even competitive in the first five minutes, RESPECTIVELY!!! I didn't even have time to get properly agitated at those fucking losers because before I could find the bullets to my revolver, THEY WERE OVER! In fact, a little 3-chamber Russian Roulette would've hit the spot after I realized there's a reason Hawaii was once down 21 to the University of Washington. Motherfuckers.

For those of you counting at home, that's me, sun falling over the horizon on Night Three of the Three-Night Trip, at $80 in my pocket. What else is there to do but throw it all down on black?

Boom, double up. Would this be Vegas Redux? Not quite, but I did see some success at the loosened slots. From there it was strikes and gutters on through midnight as my dad****** gave me some money to play with on the slots he was hitting for big numbers left and right. To be fair, I think I should be getting some of the credit here since I'd pick a slot, he'd pick the one next to me, badda bing badda boom, lands on 1,000 on the Wheel Of Fortune Machine. If only I'd had the foresight to pick the slot next to the slot machine I picked ...

As for the rest of Reno, I never once fell asleep before 5am, I'm rambling on 2-hours of sleep and whatever you'd call my stumbling doze on the flight home, and now it's nearing midnight. Part II tomorrow if I ever lose this whooping cough.


**Rarely does it ever

***Why I'm going against my personal rule of never betting when the sun's out, I still don't know

****Also known asthe Reno-Tahoe International Airport, but seriously, what douchemeal flies in specifically for a Tahoe Vacation?

*****4+8=12+16=28+32=60+64=124+128=252; I had somewhere around $300 total

******The Hammer