December 24th, 2007


The One Weekend

Stevenses wantses his preciouses and inappropriate erectionses.

I knew as I was agreeing to go to the Sloane Family Christmas Party on Saturday that I had prior obligations, but I'll be dog-goned if I could recall in my inebriated state. It came to me eventually, lying in Matt and Anne's extra bed the following morning.

T'was a fine choice by The Vers to have us convene at SlugGers in Kirkland for a Friday night of merriment and drinking. And pool. And football shouting matches down by the fire. You know, next to the mistletoe and roasting chestnuts.

For the record, Mark and I become irregular if we don't have some kind of sports-related quarrel a couple times a year; just be glad it didn't devolve into wrestling or my hairy, exposed testicles. Or, apocalypse-forbid, both at the same time.

Juli and Colin
Julie and Kim
Mark and Mario
Matt and Anne
Kon and Katherine
Devin and Steve
Kelsey and Pete, briefly, separately.

With attendance taken and poolballs slapped around and pull tabs bleeding quarters and pee troughs for one and hugs for all, it was quite the glorious reunion.

And then Mark started tossing shots around and all hell broke loose.

I'm just saying, right now, with THIS Seahawks team THIS year, I'd take Hasselbeck over Roethlisberger, knowing full well there's the potential for Ben to be a stud down the line, not to mention years and years younger. I'd STILL take the bald man from BC in his declining years, because with THIS line and THIS running game, I know for a fact Roethlisberger would be looking like the next Joey Harrington.

But, we got some quality pictures taken. And then I left my car in the parking lot so I could get a ride with Matt and Anne (some would combine their name into one: Manne, because Antt seems a bit too subversive). They have the HUGEST guest bed in the history of the world. And their dog Buddy totally loves me because I'm awesome. And the next day we sat around watching the Bowl while eating Taco Del Mar and waxing poetically about all things Green Bay (even going so far as to play a Brett Favre Themed Uno Game)

Then, I was dropped off at my car, missed the proper exit to the Alderwood Mall, chipped down to Northgate to wait in automobile lines for an hour; found parking, bought presents, called Gretchen, went over to her and Caitlin's new apartment on Greenlake (the street, not the lake), smoked a little bud, drank some He'Brew, and got a ride to the Tractor Tavern.

This was my prior engagement I couldn't remember when I said I'd be partying it up with generations of buzzed Sloanes.

The Red Elvises.

See, they're this band from Russia (hence the red) and they play this kind of surf/lounge music. It was BEYOND amazing. They were the single greatest band I've seen in a bar outside of Schoolyard Heroes. The lead singer was this big, burly dude wearing a suit with zebra stripes; the bass guitarist played this giant red triangle guitar that started around his neck and extended down to his knees; the keyboardist/keytarist/accordianist woman was super hot and totally checking me out, which is the only reason I can attribute to her reapplying her concealer after every song. Throw in a drummer who threw down for a wicked solo and we were floored.

At the bar I stuck with what I know best: Mannys. I guess Yuengling will have to be my east coast beer, single tear. But Mannys is OK I guess. Then, I talked Caitlin into taking vodka shots, so we threw down two or three of those. When I tried to get us to take a shot of SoCo, she poured hers into my cup and that pretty much finished my night.

I had Gretchen and Caitlin wake me up the next morning bright and early because I had to get my ass to Qwest Field for the Seahawks game with Kelsey. Pow! I bought a new Seahawks hoodie the day before at Target, so I had that under my leather jacket and under my fedora, hood up. That kept me as warm as I needed; well, that and the 68,000 other people in the loudest stadium in football.

Offense kinda sputtered even though the Ravens defense is considerably softer without Ray Lewis. I don't care, you can point to all the other players on that D that may have made pro bowls in the past, but they are NOT the Number 6 defense in football without Ray Lewis. Still, Alexander broke off some impressive runs, seemed to hit the holes well, and indeed made one shocking block of a blitzing-up-the-middle linebacker.

Defense, as usual, was fucking STOUT. Should've had a shutout, but I guess one little lapse in coverage is allowed when you're up by 27. Leroy Hill had a TD, Patrick Kerney added a sack to retain his league lead, and they managed to prevent an abundance of 3rd down conversions.

So, Kelsey's seats, amazing. If you're sitting in the Hawks Nest (which is at the open endzone, opposite the 12th Man Flag), then look to the right of the endzone in front of you and her seats are 12 rows up. Oddly enough, all scoring happened at our endzone (the Seahawks in the 2nd and 3rd, the Ravens in the 4th). It rained on us all damned day though; and I parked like 56 miles away down 1st Avenue past Safeco. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

My voice is still ravaged. I lost my voice after yelling at Mark's inane argument, I lost my voice again at the Red Elvises, and then I spent 3 hours standing and yelling on every defensive play.

Today's Christmas Eve. I have final presents to buy, parties to attend, and one Dave Attell drinking game tonight with my brother. Jager.

The Precious!