December 11th, 2007


Theories From A Haggard Runner

This computer here has been keeping me hostage all day, what with Internet dropping in and out of contact, I've actually been forced to do WORK when I'm not waiting out the lengthy restart times. So, I can't guarantee this post will ever exist, but it's the thought that counts.

I did NOT get a good workout in last night. Theories? You bet I got theories.

Just to set it up, though, I ate what I normally eat on a weekday, and I did manage to do my full allotment of crunches; it's just that when it came time to do the treadmill, I lasted a little over eleven minutes, netting a meager 1.33 miles before tapping out.

My first theory, which I'm not buying completely, but which is probably why I didn't at least hit the 2-mile mark, is because I left my apartment and somehow managed to forget my headphones. No headphones: no iPod, no iPod: no special running playlist, no special running playlist: means I was forced to listen to the lame music they had playing: means I didn't get that extra boost of energy that only Slipknot can provide.

My second theory involves hydration. There are two schools of thought to this, one would be that I OVER-hydrated myself by drinking so much that my body was working too hard to process everything. Also, it could be that I drank too much too fast, which would mean that I was packing around a third-trimester infant in the form of water in my bell-lay. There might be something to this, but I don't have enough on science to tell you true.

My third theory seems like the best: hard partying on the weekend equates to sluggish performance at the gym on Monday. Similar thing happened last week, only yesterday I wasn't hungover. Still, my body could've been reeling from the two days of heavy drinking, the two days of White Castle, and the big rib dinner I had late Sunday a few hours before bedtime.

There's also a fourth theory that goes along with my third: my lung capacity is for shit. Someone like me, who's a sporadic smoker at best, you'd think I'd at least have some margin of leeway here. I couldn't tell you exactly, but I think the longest consecutive stretch of me smoking tobacco/marijuana on a daily basis would be like 6 months, but definitely no longer than 1 year. Nevertheless, I'm not getting peak performance from my oxygen engine, that's for damned sure. It's not that I get WINDED easily, it's more like I can't intake as much air as I'd like to when I take really deep breaths. I just know if I had a third lung, I'd be running marathons in no time.

All of that though, all my theories combined, resulted in me feeling like I had a soggy 50-pound octopus bearhugging me for the entire 11+ minutes.

Here's to a second consecutive day of light-eating resulting in better performance tonight.

On the plus side, thanks to that late-night rib feast on Sunday, this morning I had the biggest, most-complete shit in the last ten days. I dunno why, but Top Ramen likes to give me the loose stool.