November 25th, 2007


D.C. Thanksgiving and Jizz On The Waitress's Tits

I got the moon; I got the cheese
I got the whole damn nation on their knees

I think that waitress today at the Not Black Sheep was sweet on me. I'm used to women laughing at me, but this one was giggling! I so rarely induce giggling in women, but I make it a policy to no longer hit on The Help. That's just never gone my way; nine times out of ten waitresses who are nice to you are not interested in you sexually whatsoever. In fact, they're probably married or engaged to be married. Take a poll, you'll see I'm right.

I bought a Capitalist Piggy Bank yesterday as a present for somebody for Christmas. It says "Capitalist Pig" on the side and I thought it would be funny if the ceramic thing left its owner without an option to get the money out. You know, like the most impractical piggy bank of all time, but it's not to be. I may keep it for myself, I haven't decided yet.

That was before I went and got drunk with Jenny last night. Wine flowed like beer and we ended up watching "Bonnie & Clyde" - the old version with Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway - but the Netflix DVD crapped out a little past an hour so we don't know what happened. Well, we KNOW what happened, they got their asses blown to smithereens (oh shit, Hack-Man WAS in it; I KNEW it!), but we don't know exactly how or why. What we do know is that Clyde ... not so much of a ladies man. In fact, whenever you hear about some couple as this generation's Bonnie and Clyde ... yeah, the real-life Bonnie and Clyde never had sex. In fact, Clyde may or may not have been a homosexual (at the very least, he was entirely non-sexual).

We also know that journals, real-life For My Eyes Only journals, are ostensibly pathetic. Jenny and I have both kept journals in our formative high school years, and pretty much they're bullshit. LiveJournal is the only way, at least as far as Me Personally is concerned.

But, I'm not here to talk about that. I have to get my D.C. post out of the way before it never gets done.

So, I woke up on Thanksgiving at 4:30am after staying up until midnight drinking beer and watching movies. Made my way to Chinatown, caught the first bus of the morning at 7am, sat in the back next to the stench-ous bathroom, and got to D.C. at around noon. Walked from D.C. Chinatown to the White House (with a brief stop at McDonalds to use the facilities and eat my Thanksgiving hamburgers & fries) and from there due south to the National Mall.

I have pictures of all this, but let me just say that the weather? Fucking amazing. Sunny and balmy and just windy enough to blow tons of colorful leaves around and keep me cool as I walked for 9 hours straight. Saw Abe, saw the Washington Monument, saw the Vietnam, Korean, and WWII memorials, saw the Capitol, saw the Air & Space Museum, saw the real actual Wright Flyer and the Spirit of St. Louis, saw an IMAX movie about fighter pilots, saw the sunset, saw the White House at night, saw D.C. Chinatown at night, ate some steamed pork dumplings, saw some sketchy guy who may or may not be a thief who - according to some passers-by - didn't rob my white ass because they happened to be there as witnesses. All in all, good times.

Of course, my feet were toast. I was in such agony I couldn't even sleep on the bus ride back because my blistered toes were throbbing so bad. And there was a brief layover in Philly! What? I got home around 2 or 3am and passed right the fuck out.

I dunno, I got nothing else to say. I had a few beers and now I'm sobering up faster than a fuck and I want to go back into the city and fuck that waitress but I can't because I have a fucking policy. Still, dude, giggling. Bring the pimp shit.
  • Current Music
    The Hives - Puppet On A String

Ramming Home A Victory With Ramming Speed

If anybody knows the pain of fumbling on your final offensive possession in a divisional game you probably should've won, it's the Seattle Seahawks.

The Rams are always a tough play for the Seahawks; their offense is stacked with stars and their defense somehow manages to rise to the occasion (as opposed to just shuffling over to it, har har har). The only difference between now and years past is the fact that their o-line blocks like a ceremonial ribbon against a giant pair of scissors. Without Marc Bulger, they have no chance.

Losing to Gus Frerotte is not an option!

Can I just say that I think our defense is truly amazing? If all things stay healthy, they might just lead us to the promised land this year. Finally, we've got two cornerbacks who can lock down the opposing receiving tandem of Bruce and Holt! Kelly Jennings was on his man like a fucking tattoo all game, and that pick by Marcus Trufant was off the motherfucking hook. They brought the ghetto to the field today and made Gus Frerotte look like Gus Frerotte. And that doesn't even begin to explain how Lofa Tatupu made Steven Jackson his bitch. Sure, Jackson had a 53-yard TD run, but he only got 37 yards on the other 22 carries and had to leave the game momentarily after getting the shit levelled upon him on one of those. And can I just say ... Patrick Kerney is the greatest white d-lineman since Joe Nash? Three more sacks today giving him seven in the last three games; all wins. When we play like that, it's no fucking wonder the Rams went scoreless in the second half.

By the way, I know that rushing the football isn't our strongest suit, but Matt Hasselbeck is going to get himself killed back there with these defenses blitzing on every down! I know Mo Morris isn't the second coming of Earl Campbell, but you're gonna have to use him more than 16 times a game if you want your star quarterback taking snaps in the playoffs. That having been said, huge props to the bald man for stepping up even though he missed practice all week (and it showed). We can't do this every week though, because if Hasselbeck goes in there rusty against Philly next week, odds are they won't be pushed over like the Frerotte-led Rams.

7-4 feels nice, but this was WAY too close to a disaster for comfort. Leonard Weaver's first career TD gave me only a few moments of relief in a game that never should've been as tense as it was. It's just too bad those Cleveland and Arizona games didn't bounce in our favor; we'd be in excellent position after this week's Dallas/Green Bay showdown. Nevertheless, that third seed is still ours, and the division is all but wrapped up thanks to the 49ers taking care of business over the Cardinals in overtime today.

P.S. I'm so elated that I can use the Big Lebowski line - "I Hate The Fucking Eagles, Man!" - from now until next Sunday. Also, I fucking hate these fucking 1:00 games, but I'm kinda looking forward to sitting in the giggling waitress's section
  • Current Music
    Ed Vedder - Long Nights