October 15th, 2007

Don't Hassle the Hoff

How Ironic Can You Get Without, Like, Puking?

I can't remember the last time I actually put in, like, a full day's work. I mean, I guess there were a couple there at Nordstrom. You know, after one of my vacation days or something when everybody else just let the work pile up and up and up.

That's kinda like what I went through today. For the next, ugh, three weeks, I'm going to be working behind the scenes at this furniture rental place. They do a lot of business for Realtors who want to temporarily fill an apartment/house with furniture as they're trying to rent/sell it. And, also, to people who just moved here and need shit, and to offices who need to fill their rooms right quick. I dunno, it seems to me that if you're willing to rent the shit, you probably have enough to buy the shit, but color me naive. Anyway, they brought me in there because they need someone to call these people who rent this used furniture and give them a short and sweet survey about how they're enjoying their used shit. I got a stack of names and numbers and spent most of the day splitting it into two piles: people who answered my questions and people who weren't picking up the phone. Then, for the last hour of the day, I moved files from big boxes into smaller boxes.

Since I finished the backlog of customer surveys, I'm assuming I'm right on track to keep up with the smaller piles on a daily basis, which shouldn't take up too much of my morning. But, honestly, after that, I don't see all that much filing to do. They made it sound like - going in - that I'd be up to my ears in shit to do, but unless they got a bunch of crap stashed somewhere I've yet to see, I pretty much did the work of ten men in one day. That's how motherfucking badass I am. Bitches.

So, I went to the bar yesterday. I had about four beers - after eating a club sandwich and fries - and hightailed it for home. How long does it take to finish four beers? ... Well, it was still somewhere in the middle of the second quarter and the Seahawks had yet to score. That's about how long it takes. I won't be going to the bar next week out of protest for the two shitty weeks this so-called football team displayed, I don't care if it's a mortal lock to be a victory. To me, it's just another chance for this so-called football team to give another winless team their first victory.

On the plus side, I got a full 8 hours of sleep. My eyeballs aren't as bloodshot as they've been for, like, ever. Seriously, I look like I have fucking pinkeye over here. Am I sleeping with my eyelids half-open? I don't fucking get it, but I think I might have to invest in some eyedrops or develop a heavy fucking marijuana habit. If I'm going to look the part, I might as well enjoy the high that comes with it.

There's no greater feeling in the world than when you put on a new pair of socks and slide on linoleum or kitchen tile. It's even better than a really hearty shit.
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    Smashing Pumpkins - Tarantula