October 3rd, 2007

Don't Hassle the Hoff

My Heart Feels Like A Mouth Full Of Sores

Now, I don't know if this is the best idea in the world, but I've got one pair of clean underwear and one pair of boxers I just sweated a 3+ mile run into ... and I've got two days until the weekend. I think you know where I'm going with this; I do NOT want to do mid-week laundry. Like ever.

I've decided to up the run distance this week. I'm already up to 450 crunches (6 sets of 75); now I'm sticking to 11-minute miles and going 35 minutes and beyond. It's disconcerting, this whole weight loss thing; it really SUCKS when it looks like you're not even making a dent, you know? Not that I'm discouraged, by any means. I know this shit takes time, but it's just that when you go to great lengths to accomplish something, you like to feel you're actually making progress. I can't help but think I'm going about this the wrong way somehow. I remember the last time, though, where I ate more in calories and ran far less and did far fewer crunches, and yet it seemed like I was making steady progress.

See, back in college, when I was tipping the scales at 300 pounds, I set a goal for myself when I finally made the decision to shed: lose 4 pounds a month. By no means a lofty goal, but I figured at that time I had two more years in college to go, and by losing 4 pounds a month I'd lose nearly 100 pounds in those 2 years. Of course, I far exceeded my 4-Pound-A-Month goal each and every month until I was around 190 a year later (I think actually bottoming out around 180 or 185, but not for very long).

So, I guess I just need to be patient. It's only been 2 weeks and 3 days. Still, I think that fucking scale at the gym is FUCKING with me!

By the way, skipping dinner last night and then going on my regular exercise routine: BAD IDEA. Jesus Christ I felt like ass the entire run. Today - even though work bought us all a lunch (I had a French Dip & Fries) that would've easily satisfied all hunger for the rest of the day - I forced down an order of Top Ramen at 7pm tonight and went to the gym 2 hours later than usual. Now? Feel fucking fantastic. Still doesn't mean I'm making any phone calls; I owe people phone calls, but I just don't feel like going outside right now. I feel like watching My So-Called Life.

I've been thinking about my Anti-Social tendencies at work. Really, pretty much every job I've ever had (save that apartment leasing job where I actually knew one of my co-workers going in, and got along with the other two fairly well) I've never been able to make friends. That's usually because I've worked with older women, and really, what do I have in common with older women?

This job's a little different in that most of the people around me are my age. But, they're still girls, and these kinds of girls I can't relate to.

See, I have friends who are girls, but they're either into the same things I am - like writing or music or movies or sports - or they're the kinds of girls who have a high percentage of guy friends, or at least are capable of HAVING guy friends. These girls I work with? They're girly girls who have almost exclusively girl-friends and who like to do girly things with their girl-friends. I didn't talk to or relate to these girls in college, what makes me think I'm going to relate to them now?

Besides, I'm never any good when I'm thrown into a situation where I'm the New Guy. Fortunately, this is supposed to be a short-term assignment, because seriously ... have I SAID that I can't believe I get paid to do this? You know what I did TODAY - aside from eating a delicious French Dip & Fries? I leafed through five or six magazines looking for any mention of a certain brand of jeweler - which took MAYBE an hour - and I taped receipts to blank sheets of white paper - which took like 10 minutes. At least at my old job I was interrupted by a telephone from time to time. Man, I don't even TRY to look busy anymore. I'm about to bring in a bed-roll and take naps out in the elevator hallway until someone needs me to do something mindless. Everything I've done for them - aside from the organizing of the magazines project - has been busy work the girls around me have offered because I look so entirely bored. God I can't wait until this job ends; I hope to high hell they don't extend my assignment, I don't think my heart could bear it.
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