October 2nd, 2007


New York Mets, Congratulations on Your Record-Breaking Season

Somebody do me a favor. That Oreo Pizza they're advertising on television during football games looks delicious. Just ... try it for me? Tell me it's not as tantilizing as it appears on that dude's Oreo Beard.

There was a birthday in the office today; I turned down two different kinds of cake and took refuge with a carrot. It's LIKE eating carrot cake, only not nearly as sweet and satisfying. Then I went and skipped dinner because I thought my run would be hindered on a full stomach. So if you're scoring along at home, that's 2 carrots and 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

By the way, if you're wondering why there are no hot women where you work, if you're wondering how all those College-Educated Valley Girls who punctuate every sentence among their girlfriends with the word "Bitch", if you're wondering how you TOO can walk around all day stifling an erection in your pants, then by all means go find a job at a magazine publisher. I'm telling you, that's where they all go! I knew I should've been a fucking communications major.

Just remember this age-old adage: Those Who Can, Model; Those Who Can't, Publish Models. It really can't be explained any better. They're not all Heidi Klums or Tyra Banks's, but they're that simple notch below because they're lacking that ONE thing in the looks department (too short, small breasts, too bony, average face). Still, nobody would throw any one of my co-workers out of bed. Unless they were looking for conversation ...

OHHH, Snap!

Let's see ... today I did nothing from 9am until 12:45pm. Then, I made the mistake of going into the kitchen area to re-fill my water bottle. Boss-lady from yesterday was in there and asked me if I needed something to do. Then she e-mailed me a Powerpoint Presentation. Had 5 slides and it was about an upcoming event that had a sponsor that happened to be a ritzy watch manufacturer. It was my job to replace any mention of the original sponsor with that of a new sponsor ... a rival of said ritzy watch manufacturer. On the plus side, she said the pictures of wristwatches I found and replaced were to her immense liking. Not counting the hour lunch break, that took all of 30 minutes; mostly because I was playing around with MS Paint, futzing with the pictures. Two or ... or three hours later, I can't remember, I was given another task that took me down to quittin' time. The Task: organize back-issues of the various magazines they publish in order of publication date.

I can't believe I get paid for doing this. I've read more news articles in two days than I have the entire ... however long it was that I was unemployed. So, watch out, I might start to get all preachy on here if they don't give me more work to do.
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