September 22nd, 2007

Don't Hassle the Hoff

Six Days Addicted To Top Ramen

My apologies for the sorry state of this journal; it seems like it's all TV and Dieting articles because, well, that's all that's going on right now. I figured I'd save you my reviews of Alfred Hitchcock's "Vertigo" and this other film I saw, "Year of the Dog" because it's really not all that relevant.

Now, I've never been one to count calories - mostly because the way I normally go about eating and drinking, it's nearly impossible to calculate the official number within a few hundred. However, with the simple diet I've been running on the past six days, I figured I'd go ahead and do a tally.

1 package of Top Ramen with seasoning - 380 calories (and 74% of my daily Sodium)
4 slices of wheat bread - 360 calories (and 32% of my daily Sodium, uh oh)
2 servings of peanut butter, JIF - 380 calories (and 12% of my daily Sodium, jeez)
Umpteen glasses of Iced Tea - 0 calories
2 servings of jelly, generic grape - 100 calories
3 medium-sized carrots - 120 calories (and somehow 6% of my daily Sodium, WTF?), yet it also includes 660% of my daily Vitamin A requirement

Now, if you lump that all together, that's 1340 calories, 124% of my daily Sodium, and 660% of my daily Vitamin A. However, today I didn't have any jelly OR any carrots, so really I can chop that down to 1120 calories.

The kicker: I weighed myself last Monday at the gym and it showed about 250 pounds (the damned needle fluctuates, so I picked a spot in the middle). I weighed myself today, six days later: a fluctuating 235. Particularly healthy? I dunno, but I figure this: doing 250+ crunches and running 3 miles in around 35 minutes means I'm gonna be going through a lot of salt, right? The way I see it, Top Ramen is really my way of replenishing all that lost sodium ... only I eat it about an hour before I go exercise, so I guess it's not really replenishing anything as opposed to setting my body up for a gigantic salt-loss. Professional sporting teams take note: dump the Gatorade in favor of piping hot Dixie Cups full of Top Ramen; you'll be glad you did.

Look, no one is better at depriving himself than yours truly. When I get a bug up my ass about something, I tend to either go hog wild or leave the hog at home. Do or Do Not, There Is No Try. Ergo, I'm gonna stick with this thing until I get back down under 200, and then it's all maintenance from there. Hopefully I can hit that mark before the end of the year so I can enjoy some White Castles before my Christmas Vacation.

The true test will be tomorrow. I'm gonna get my ass up around 10am, I'm gonna get my ass to the gym for my usual routine around 1pm ... and then I'm gonna go to the bar for some beers and some Seahawks. The goal is to make it to Manhattan and back without eating any food that isn't Top Ramen or PB & J Sandwiches (or carrots). Of course, with a belly full of beer, it may be impossible to control the urge to make the long trek across the island. After all, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one ... just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. COME ON, POOKIE, LET'S BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN! COME ON, POOKIE! LET'S BURN IT, POOKIE! LET'S BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN! LET'S BURN IT DOWN! LET'S BURN IT!

So, maybe I should just suck it up and go to White Castle tomorrow. After all, it's bad for you to deny your urges ALL the time, right?
  • Current Music
    The Fucking Eagles - Stop + Think It Over