August 2nd, 2007

Don't Hassle the Hoff


I am motherfuckingwired right now and I've got 3-4 hours to go before I can sleepypie. I've got the album Ride The Lightning playing on my iPod mini-speakers, I've got the fan blowing cool air on my flabby mantits to keep the sweat at bay, I've got a belly full of home fries, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, bacon, and coffee from my local tastydiner, I've got a freshly cleaned load of laundry all folded and ready to go with me to Chicago, I've got a list of comedy clubs in the Windy City where Cait and I will most likely check out Monday night (The Second City looking to be the best bet, as many-a-Saturday-Night-Live-alum has gotten his start therein), and I've got a computer home and abroad completely 100% virus free thanks to my spendthrift splurging.

My back hurts because I'm sitting on the floor as opposed to my comfybed and it all started ... once upon a time ...

See, when you run 4 miles an hour for an hour on the random setting of the treadmill where the speed stays constant but the incline varies every 30 seconds, your ass tends to become slimy with sweat. Slimy, with sweat. This is the same ass, mind you, that I use for sitting. Ergo, had I chose to sit on my comfybed with the slimy ass, I'd later be caught sleeping on The Wet Spot. Sexytimes, I don't think so.

I know this post probably doesn't make much sense or read as if it's "interesting", but try going on my schedule, running four miles, eating a pile of strawberries and an orange, doing laundry and eating a hearty breakfast at 10 in the morning and I'm convinced you'll see God in this post.

Over the last three evenings (once at 10pm, once at 2am, once at 6am), I've gotten 10 miles run on these new New Balances of mine. I've always said unemployment is the best thing for my physical fitness. I'm not looking forward to working in September one little bit. That's it, I'm gonna start buying Powerball tickets.

Do you ever get the feeling that your wall isn't really a wall at all, but rather a cheap, shabbily-installed slab of cardboardesque drywall that easily becomes dented or punctured when you try leaning against it as you sit and watch episodes of Oz? Something tells me I won't be seeing one red cent of my deposit money unless I can find a way to make this pig look fixed.

I think I'm gonna go watch Rambo II now before I start zoning out. Peace Be With You.
  • Current Music
    Metallica - Creeping Death