May 30th, 2007


Ancient Roman Lesbians Cleaning My Bathroom

Look man, I don't DO bathrooms. In fact, I've prided myself on a lifetime of never having touched a toilet scrub brush. Picking out disgusting hair from the shower drain doesn't sound like a good time, especially since any hair over a quarter of an inch CAN'T be mine. Of course, the only thing more disgusting than a toilet or a shower drain is the area on the floor around a toilet bowl when one or more man lives in that particular residence. Ahh yes, nothing quite like dried urine splatter & pubes.

That being said, I don't live with chicks anymore (yes, I'm including Jacob Q. Lodge in that last statement); because eventually they'll so tire of the squallor that all you have to do is wait them out. That bathroom will find a way to clean itself. But, since I don't live with the fairer sex, yesterday it was up to me to do the bathroom cleaning duties. I mopped the floor and scrubbed the toilet and took the bath mats to the laundromat and called it a day.

On to other matters,

If only I had access to this show Rome when I was 13 years old ... I would've had much more material to work with. It's like every damn episode with the female nudity and the sex scenes and the British actors playing ancient Romans.

I'll explain it like this: think Gladiator and Braveheart, but take out all the fighting on the battleground and replace it with titty and ass and yes, even penis. I don't really know what to think; this show is more of an actor's telling of historical events than a stunt man's. Not as much action, but the acting is better; and there's still enough decapitations and crunching bone-snappings to keep me interested when the sex starts bordering on women's erotica.

To wit, let me say here and now that I'm sick and tired of the young teenage-ish woman "discovering her lesbian tendencies". Not that I have too many examples from which to draw, but I've seen it on The O.C. and now I've seen it here and I'm SURE I've seen it on a Red Shoe Diary or two and aside from the fact that it brings me back to my 13 year old masturbatory days, it's just boring, cliche drama. The girl's confused, she's coming out of a heterosexual relationship that went wrong for some reason (in this case, the guy was murdered by her mother's slaves for being of a lower class), she finds herself in the presence of a more-experienced lover of all sorts, there's The Moment where she almost finds herself in a lesbian embrace that's cut short due to Circumstance, she goes off that night and rubs one out, then there's the next chance meeting, the cautious hovering of faces each waiting for the other to make the first move, and then it's scissoring. Hot lesbian scissoring!

All right, so maybe it's not so bad.