May 12th, 2007

Don't Hassle the Hoff

Richie Sexson Sucks: Immensely, or, I Work ... Too ... Hard!

With a massive 2 for 4 effort and no further damage done, his average has skyrocketed to .178. I can almost see Mendoza on the horizon.

Watch This Short Film, you'll need to scroll down some, but it's funny as hell.

I went to the nearest bar to my apartment to watch the baseball game last night. It's called Veronica's Bar, owned by a Polish lady who employs another Polish lady by the name of Magdalena who's the finest piece of ass from here to Gardeña. Tall, long blonde hair, thin as a surfboard, got the accent, takes shots with the customers. I'm telling you, she's someone you take home for Thanksgiving dinner and fuck doggystyle on the fucking cranberries.

Anyway, there was no fucking last night (hell, there wasn't even any fucking cranberries or delicious turkey gravy), but there was a 3-0 victory over the Yankees. I talked to this little old man with glasses as big as his entire head and we forged a bond from our hatred of the Yankees. As he said with a dismissive wave of his hand in disgust, "They think they own everything!" I think he was Polish too; either way, he was pretty funny. I think I got on the nerves of one of the younger dudes there, 'cause I was cheering so hard against the Yankees. Good times.

At about a quarter after midnight, the game was over and I left to go find some food. It was bloody impossible! Everything closes early over here! And White Castle, let me tell you, it is TOO far to walk when you're drunk off your ass and starving to boot. Besides, I really just wanted some pork fried rice. No Chinese places ANYWHERE. It took me forever to even find a fucking ATM! All the grocery stores were closed; I was royally fucked. Then, I happened by the movie theater and there were a couple hot dog vendors standing outside waiting for the night's final moviegoers to exit. So, I bought a couple dogs and ran home to eat some peanut butter crackers. There's nothing quite like Crackertime, I must say.

Today, I managed to find a restaurant that served coffee, so I sat there and did some writing. Still no sight of an official coffee shop that doesn't involve the words Star or Bucks. Did find an Internet Cafe (no coffee served, Internet is $2 an hour; I didn't go in, but in a pinch I know where it is now), as well as a Rite Aid, a few more pizza places, and an electronics superstore. I was looking at digital cameras; I'm still not in any kind of position to buy one, but it's nice to know that there are good ones for under $200. AND, they had these electronic picture frames where you can upload your digital pictures and these picture frames do a slide show of the pictures you put on there. Sure, it was $200 by itself, but it was fucking awesome! Wave of the future, Dude, 100% electronic.

Yeah, well, I still jerk off manually.
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