April 16th, 2007


You Have To Be Careful With Scissors!

How many of you can tell me what a "Nor'easter" is? Anyone? Show of hands? Work si trabajo?

Well, I'll tell you what it is. It's a fucking pissing-on-my-face rainstorm, that's what it is. I was out last night, four blocks from my destination, and the weather was something like this:

rain rain rain rain RAIN RAIN RAIN rain rain RAIN RAIN

That was a lot of fun at 10 o'clock on a Sunday night. What was even funner? Getting to the theater a half hour early only to hear that you're three hours late.

That's right, ticketmaster fucked up, said the show was gonna start at 10:30pm on their website and in their e-mail, when in reality the show started at 7:30, and I just missed 2/3 of the performers. For $40, I got to see 40 minutes of Henry Rollins (apparently, it was a case of each person going on stage one at a time and doing their sets).

I'm going to call Ticketmaster and harass them today. Do I expect to be refunded my money? Well, of course not! This is America, where the little man will always be trampled on by the fucking monopoly. Here's how I expect it to go:

Operator: Thank you for calling Ticketmaster, how may I help you?
Me: Hello, yes, I have a complaint. Your website and confirmation e-mail both said the show I wanted to see last night started at 10:30 when in reality it started at 7:30. I want my money back.
Operator: I'm sorry, we can't do that.
Me: Why not? You guys were clearly in the wrong!
Operator: So what? What are you gonna do about it? Sue us for 40 dollars? You're going to boycott Ticketmaster? We're the only game in town, bitch!
Me: Well, it's pretty unreasonable for me to have to call the venue in advance to confirm the time of the show; it's false advertising what you're doing.
Operator: Blow me.

So yeah, I could've enjoyed over 3 hours of entertainment from three performers I revere. Instead, I got drenched on the way to the theater, on the way out of the theater to the subway, and from the subway to my apartment, then spent the rest of the night drying off. It would've been funny if I didn't want to punch someone in the face for no reason.
  • Current Mood
    Scissor Me Timbers

The Decline of Western Civilization Part II - The Metal Years

For the most part, I'm a simple man with simple musical tastes. If you wanted to catch the bulk of the essence of my musical influence, you'd only need to see three documentaries:

Woodstock - the concert documentary of the famous 1969 festival
Hype! - a full recount of the heyday of the Seattle music scene from the late 80s through the Nirvana/Soundgarden/Pearl Jam scene of the early 90s
The Decline of Western Civilization Part II - The Metal Years.

I saw this documentary on MTV YEARS ago. I'm serious, like in 88 or 89, and I've been looking for it ever since. Finally, I managed to download it over the weekend.

It's chock full of interviews from superstars, up-and-comers, and never-was's in and around the Los Angeles Heavy Metal scene of the early 80s. Prominently featured are Joe Perry & Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, Gene Simmons & Paul Stanley from Kiss, Alice Cooper, Lemmy, Ozzy Osbourne (sans Sharon), the band Poison, the lead guitarist from WASP, and Dave Mustaine from Megadeth. Too. Fucking. Cool.

It was really interesting to listen to the young kids in the metal scene, in crappy bands just starting out. Failure NEVER comes into their minds. And yet, twenty years later and this is the highlight of their musical career. There was one kid, probably too young to drink, dropped out of school in the 7th grade, TOTALLY banking his future on music, and I've never heard of him. It's sad, really, but it's what happens. Even if they were quality musicians/performers, they never had a chance anyway because the genre of Heavy Metal - at least that which was popular in the 80s - died a brutal death thanks to Nirvana.

What I noticed right away is that there were some pretty considerable omissions. The word "Metallica" was never uttered even though they were, in 1986, the biggest metal act to never have a Top 40 single. They'd been around for 4 years, released three albums, and yet no mention whatsoever? I mean, I can understand that the documentary is about the Culture of the Heavy Metal fans, the lifestyle, the drugs and the hair and the sound and the pitfalls of fame, but I just don't see how you leave out Metallica. It's unjust.

Lemmy Is God. Period.

The scene in the middle where there's just five minutes of the guitarist from WASP is pretty brutal footage. I mean, he probably guzzled a full fifth of vodka within the span of five minutes, just straight chugging. Unbelievable; I can't believe the guy's still alive to this day.

Steven Tyler and Ozzy Osbourne should've had their own hourlong documentaries each - back in the day, not now. Those guys are entertaining all by themselves.

Poison sucks. Fuck Poison.

Lemmy Is Still God. Motörhead fucking rules.

I also can't believe that Guns N' Roses were omitted from the movie; nearly the entire movie took place in their backyard!

Kiss sucks as well; but Paul Stanley was filmed entirely while lying in a bed full of supermodels, so that's cool. Plus, Gene Simmons is a giant horn-dog and that's cool too. Basically, Kiss sucks, but the individual members are pretty fucking badass.

Steppenwolf invented the term "Heavy Metal" in their song "Born to be Wild". Yet another reason why Steppenwolf fucking rules.

Where the fuck was Motley Crue? Def Leppard? Bon Jovi? Van Halen? AC/DC? Iron Maiden?
  • Current Mood
    Fuck Like A Beast