April 12th, 2007


Ha-Ha, I-Mess, Get It?

First of all, let me say that I wasn't offended by what Imus said whatsoever. I'm offended by the way the man looks, I'm offended that up until today he had his radio show simulcast on television, I'm offended by people referring to him as a "Shock Jock" (a term most would associate with Howard Stern), when he isn't 1/10th the radio personality of Howard Stern. The only thing shocking about him is that Old Man Imus is still on the fucking airwaves.

Sports Guy Bill Simmons made a reference to this, so I'll credit the man: If you leave an old man behind a microphone for long enough, eventually he's going to say something stupid or demeaning or racist. That's because they're old, they don't give a damn anymore, and they're from a time when denigrating black people wasn't just popular or funny, it was downright necessary to uphold your standing in Racist White America. And, with the times, things change, ideals shift, sensitivity increases, tolerance abounds. But old people? They don't change, their ideals remain steadfast, they've got insensitivity down to a science, and they tolerate nothing and nobody who interferes with their steadfast ideals and their scientific insensitivity.

{{By the way, I should say this now, if none of you have ever heard of Don Imus before this incident - or indeed, if you're now ignoring the news altogether - then believe me, you haven't been missing a THING}}

I don't hide the fact that I'm a Howard Stern man through and through. Contrary to popular opinion, Howard isn't racist, he isn't sexist, he's not the devil, and his show is more than just women getting naked. If these are the opinions you harbor of the man because maybe you tried to listen to his show a few times or maybe have caught his TV show on the E! network, then you're ignorant and you need to stop formulating opinions about things. {{let me just say this, those E! shows? why you always and ONLY see naked women on them? that's the network's doing. you'd think from those shows that Howard just has a parade of nude models walking in, shaking their boobs around, and leaving}}

Granted, Howard has a different brand of humor than any other comedian out there, and sure his humor isn't for everyone, but that's because most people are uptight. They don't understand that a lot of what he says is tongue in cheek, and even if they do understand, they're so bent and sensitive, they're bound to get angry at the slightest thing anyway. I'm not saying the man's God; I'm not one of these mindless followers who lives for Howard Stern and thinks he's the second coming of the orgasm, but if I had the time and the financial means, I'd pay to listen to him every day.

The point is, he's not Imus. Imus isn't him. They're nowhere near similar.

Back when Howard first moved to New York (he bumped around the country to start out, then made a name for himself in Washington D.C. until he was fired and hired by NBC in NYC), he started out at the same station where Imus had already made a name for himself. Imus was a hack though. It wasn't until he started copying Howard Stern's format of more-talk, less-music that he rejuvinated his career. Anyway, there are endless numbers of stories about Imus behind the scenes that go along with this current pickle he's in. The man's practically a card-carrying Klan member. The racist things he's said to co-workers makes this whole Nappy-Headed-Hos thing sound like Sesame Street. Plus, he's just a scumbag! He solicits donations for this "Cancer Ranch" he owns and operates down in Texas where he has children stop by for two weeks a year to do "Real Ranch-hand Stuff". Yeah, and the other 50 weeks? It's the personal home of Imus. Lotta good those donations are for people with disease. I'm sure that's what kids with cancer want, to do brute, sweaty, manual labor.

Imus sucks, but you know what? He's drawn more attention for women's college basketball than what the actual sport could ever do. I think we should put him behind the mic of their games and just let him spout racial slurs for two hours. The ratings would be through the roof.

Because that's the thing. That's what they always say about Howard Stern. You ask a fan of Howard's why they listen and they reply, "To hear what he's gonna say next." You ask someone who hates Howard why they listen and they reply, "To hear what he's gonna say next."