You take the summer home in the Hamptons, but I'm keeping the Lamborghini!!!!
Oh yeah??? Well WE got the coffee maker!!!
You know, it's not like this is an ACTUAL divorce or anything, but with Emily and Jenny moving out this week, I've found myself wandering around our kitchen area and I can't help eyeballing what things are moving out and what things are staying. Pretty much, Jenny and Emily own everything and Liz and I have been living on borrowed toaster ... er, I mean time.
The kitchen table, the corner kitchen table, the cushy black couch, the two sets of shelves I never really used, the TV tray that doubles as a spaghetti spoon rester, the wok, the medium sized pot with all the burnt popcorn stains at the bottom, the small can-of-soup-or-chili-sized pot and its corresponding lid, the hot-water-for-tea ... uhh, maker, the bulk of the silverware, the bulk of the glassware, the bowls, half the plates, the bulk of the spices, the kitchen radio, the kitchen chairs, the shampoo I use, the dish towels, the pot holder.
And yes, the toaster.
All of that stuff is leaving us. So, what have Liz and I contributed to the cause? Well, the giant pot, four plastic plates, a bunch of knives, a couple forks, maybe a mug or two, a giant thing of crushed red pepper, a small thing of cayenne pepper, and the coffee maker. OH! And I bought the fucking meat thermometer! Yeah! We got the fucking meat thermometer! Take that!
It's almost like, instead of the children turning 18 and moving out of the house, it's like we turned 26 and the parents abandoned us. I'm pretty sure it's just going to be me and Liz, sitting on the dirty floor in the kitchen because Emily and Jenny own the broom, cutting ourselves while suffering from caffeine shakes thanks to the pot-after-pot of coffee we'll be drinking. It's a bleak future, and I for one am terrified out of my wits. Maybe we can take each other's temperature with the meat thermometer.
That's gross.
I'm going shopping this weekend. Here's the deal, I need to figure out what I can't live without AND what I'm willing to schlep with me when I move in a month.
I eat a bagel every morning for breakfast. I have knives, so those babies will be cut in HALF. And they will be spread with a variety of assorted cream cheese-based flavored schmears. But, do I want to buy a toaster? Is that something I want to have and pack and take with me to a place that will presumably already have a toaster? Especially since - even though it doesn't have a broil function - I could stick them in the oven for a few minutes and they'd probably crisp up enough.
I've wanted to buy a little pot for heating up cans of chili ever since I moved out here, because the one we have now doesn't have a handle that doesn't get scalding hot when you put it on the burner. But, there wasn't a too pressing need until now, and besides, we're all about not having too much stuff. So, I'm definitely getting one of those.
I never realized how multi-functional a wok is until I came here. In lieu of a frying pan, I've been able to fry things wok-style; I've also been able to make my pasta sauces in it while the noodles boil in Big Bertha Giantpot. I think I'll just break down and get one, because they're so cool.
As far as tables and chairs go, there's no point. That kitchen/front room area is going to be a barren wasteland. Maybe Jenny and Emily will leave AH chair and I can sit at the stove or eat off of the radiator. Maybe I'll kill a couple transients, chop them up, and fashion a table out of their bones and tendons. We'll see.
You know, it's not like this is an ACTUAL divorce or anything, but with Emily and Jenny moving out this week, I've found myself wandering around our kitchen area and I can't help eyeballing what things are moving out and what things are staying. Pretty much, Jenny and Emily own everything and Liz and I have been living on borrowed toaster ... er, I mean time.
The kitchen table, the corner kitchen table, the cushy black couch, the two sets of shelves I never really used, the TV tray that doubles as a spaghetti spoon rester, the wok, the medium sized pot with all the burnt popcorn stains at the bottom, the small can-of-soup-or-chili-sized pot and its corresponding lid, the hot-water-for-tea ... uhh, maker, the bulk of the silverware, the bulk of the glassware, the bowls, half the plates, the bulk of the spices, the kitchen radio, the kitchen chairs, the shampoo I use, the dish towels, the pot holder.
And yes, the toaster.
All of that stuff is leaving us. So, what have Liz and I contributed to the cause? Well, the giant pot, four plastic plates, a bunch of knives, a couple forks, maybe a mug or two, a giant thing of crushed red pepper, a small thing of cayenne pepper, and the coffee maker. OH! And I bought the fucking meat thermometer! Yeah! We got the fucking meat thermometer! Take that!
It's almost like, instead of the children turning 18 and moving out of the house, it's like we turned 26 and the parents abandoned us. I'm pretty sure it's just going to be me and Liz, sitting on the dirty floor in the kitchen because Emily and Jenny own the broom, cutting ourselves while suffering from caffeine shakes thanks to the pot-after-pot of coffee we'll be drinking. It's a bleak future, and I for one am terrified out of my wits. Maybe we can take each other's temperature with the meat thermometer.
That's gross.
I'm going shopping this weekend. Here's the deal, I need to figure out what I can't live without AND what I'm willing to schlep with me when I move in a month.
I eat a bagel every morning for breakfast. I have knives, so those babies will be cut in HALF. And they will be spread with a variety of assorted cream cheese-based flavored schmears. But, do I want to buy a toaster? Is that something I want to have and pack and take with me to a place that will presumably already have a toaster? Especially since - even though it doesn't have a broil function - I could stick them in the oven for a few minutes and they'd probably crisp up enough.
I've wanted to buy a little pot for heating up cans of chili ever since I moved out here, because the one we have now doesn't have a handle that doesn't get scalding hot when you put it on the burner. But, there wasn't a too pressing need until now, and besides, we're all about not having too much stuff. So, I'm definitely getting one of those.
I never realized how multi-functional a wok is until I came here. In lieu of a frying pan, I've been able to fry things wok-style; I've also been able to make my pasta sauces in it while the noodles boil in Big Bertha Giantpot. I think I'll just break down and get one, because they're so cool.
As far as tables and chairs go, there's no point. That kitchen/front room area is going to be a barren wasteland. Maybe Jenny and Emily will leave AH chair and I can sit at the stove or eat off of the radiator. Maybe I'll kill a couple transients, chop them up, and fashion a table out of their bones and tendons. We'll see.