January 22nd, 2007


Ooouh ... Ahh ... Ooouh ... Ahh ...

That's the sound of the men, workin' on the chain gaaaaiiiing!

... ... ... ...

That's the sound of me, workin' on the office chair. It's not a glamorous existence, but they got green tea.

I haven't been there yet, but I'm going tonight. It's called Professor Thom's Loft; a bar, in Manhattan, with the longest happy hour I've ever SEEN! 11am to 7pm, Monday through Friday. This may be the coolest place I've ever seen, but I say that with a caveat: the website is counting down the months, days, minutes, and seconds until the Boston Red Sox start Spring Training. Hey, at least it's not a Yankees bar. But, that being said, this is THE place. Tonight ... drum roll please ... I present to you ...

The Jack Bauer Power Hour !!

Shots on the house every time Jack Bauer kills someone; Sapporo Sake Bombs for every time a main character dies OR for when someone OTHER than Jack Bauer defies an order. ON THE HOUSE!!! WITH DRINK SPECIALS!!!

Now, I know what you're thinking. How could one liver stand all the carnage Jack Bauer is planning to inflict week in and week out? Well, really now, if you think about it, in spite of what I believe to be overwhelming impulses for Jack Bauer to do nothing BUT shoot everyone and everything blocking the path between him and American Freedom, he doesn't, in fact, kill everyone all the time. Generally, the moments of killing are saved for the season premieres, the season finales, and during high-tension points throughout the rest. However, once you get Jack out there in the field on a mission, Lock N' Load! I could be floating along, sober as a fish, and then all of a sudden I've gotta down 7 or 8 shots back to back until I'm as drunk as a fish. You just never know. Fortunately, no one else really has the balls to defy orders like Jack (Tony Almeida was our best man in that department, but here we'll have to rely heavily on Chloe and Morris ... Morris has been defying orders since dawn!). Konstantin, I would advise you to delay your flight until the wee Tuesday morning hours and get in on this action.

So, my night's all set. Went running this morning; achilles is feeling better than it did on Friday, but it's still really tender. But, I'm walking better, and that's all that matters. Forgot to bring my book with me like I wanted, so I'm fucking stuck with nothing but Internet again.

Emily and I watched the movie Ed Wood last night. It's directed by Tim Burton, starring Johnny Depp, Sarah Jessica Parker, Walter Matthau, and Patricia Arquette. Depp plays Ed Wood, the director dubbed the Worst Director Of All Time. He made really crappy B-Movies back in the 50s and 60s. And he enjoyed dressing up in women's clothing. We enjoyed it so much, we're bound and determined to find and watch one of those old Ed Wood originals.

President Or No President

It's January of 2007. Every four years around this time, the entire country sits on pins and needles in wonder and excitement over the subsequent 22 months: Who Will Be Our Next President?

And you thought Christmas started earlier every year; this is fucking rediculous beyond contempt. They already have polls showing Clinton as a frontrunner among Democrats!

I'm not a big News Guy. I try to keep up on current events and things that generally draw my attention. I am, however, a HUGE Politico Junkie, Presidential moreso than Congressional. Tepid would be the best word describing these last mid-term elections. Sure, I stayed up late refreshing Google News on the night of the election, but I don't generally bother with all the pre-elections mumbo jumbo. But, if you're talkin' President Idol, then I'm all fucking ears.

I'm a Democrat Guy in practice more than at heart. At heart, I'd love for a Third Party Green-type candidate to win; someone whose platform starts with the Environment and works inward from there (considering the Environment encompasses the entire world in and of itself). But, since most people think like me - it is entirely all too impracical to double down on a third party candidate because unless they're running for a House seat in Vermont or as mayor of San Francisco, they won't win - I'm forced to choose the Lesser Of Two Evils. As a cynic, I'm compelled to use that phrase "Lesser of Two Evils," but that connotes that the two major parties are close together in policy and practice, which couldn't be further from the truth. When pitted against Republicans, Democrats are fucking Christlike.

So far, I'm liking what I'm seeing out of the Democratic party as far as candidates go. Am I a big fan of Hillary Clinton? Not especially, but I'm not one of these polarized Love Her/Hate Her types. More than anything, I think she's a power-hungry phony, but then again who isn't? On the plus side, she's got Bill Clinton in her corner and we flourished under his administration. Plus, yeah, it'd be right on to see a woman in the White House. Do I think she'll win? Oh Good God no.

My man, the one I think could really kickstart this country and really get people energized about life again, is Barack Obama. But, really, I'm not basing that on much. I listened to his speech at the Democratic National Convention and I get a good vibe from him. That's pretty much it. He strikes me as the most genuine of the candidates available and of the candidates we've seen for decades. But, I'm concerned. I'm concerned because he might just make a jaded two-time losing-backer of Democratic Candidates believe in the positive power of the Executive Branch. He just might make me root for him more than I've ever rooted for anyone else. He just might be the most exciting young politician to run for President since Robert F. Kennedy. I'm concerned because he might just suffer that exact same fate. It's not beyond the realm of possibility, especially if he starts gaining momentum. Especially if it looks like he has a solid chance of winning. And especially in the South. If you're talking about history, then look no further at what would be the first black man in the office. Do I think he'll win? I'm not so sure he'll survive the primaries.

The only other guy on the radar for me (until Al Gore throws his hat into the fray) is John Edwards. I liked this guy in Ought-4, he was my number 2 guy behind General Wesley Clark and far ahead of John Kerry. He's got a similar message to Obama, power to the people, help to the poor workerman, what can your country do for you and all that jazz. John Edwards is the White Bread candidate. He's safe, he's male, he's white, he's a Contendah! But, he strikes me as a spineless Jimmy Carter type that other leaders will walk all over. Would that be an improvement over George Bush The Second? My fingernail clippings would be an improvement, but that's not the point. The point is, Hillary would stand up to pressure because she's got a chip on her shoulder; Barack would stand up because he's a calm, rational human being; but Edwards just strikes me as a Nancy. Do I think he'll win? I think he could take the Democratic Nomination as well as any other in the field, but I don't think he'll take down the top Republican runner.

If you held a shiv to my gall bladder and told me to pick a Republican for President back in 2000, I would've told you John McCain's my man. He had straight-shooter and integrity written all over him. Then he lost to Bush and became his little puppy dog. Now, he's a madman when it comes to throwing more troops at a problem that can't be fixed. If you were to put that shiv right back to me, I honestly don't know for whom I'd go.

Anyone who saw how Rudy Giuliani handled the post-9/11 leadership duties in New York City must believe him to be a truly great man and more than capable for the job. Anyone who saw how Rudy Giuliani sucked from George Bush's cock during the 2004 Presidential Election must believe him to be a brainless freak with an obviously cringe-worthy facelift. Granted, some of his policies in regards to cleaning up New York City were pretty solid. But, he's a little too John Lithgow from Footloose for my tastes. Plus, you can't neglect the corruption they've since found within the city administration. At this point, I only know of one candidate worse than these two men.

Samuel Dale Brownback, current senator from the state of Kansas. This guy is a psychotic. Evangelical Christian, a member of a low-profile group of Christian activists and politicians who perform very strange, secretive rituals. Obviously, he's anti-abortion, but he goes so far as to call the number of legalized abortions as a Holocaust. Obviously, he's anti-gay marriage, but he goes so far as to propose banning even the most benign of civil unions. If he had it his way, they'd be teaching Intelligent Design instead of The Truth. If he had it his way, we'd all be upstanding Christians praying in schools and bowing at the feet of our like-minded political leaders. Obviously, he's anti-stem cell research, so we're all hoping he gets an incurable disease really soon. He's against Free Speech, so I'm sure if he had it his way I'd be hung for my impudence. I made a pretty idle threat when I said that if George W. Bush won I'd move to Canada. But, now I have the means. I'm a free man living on my own. There's nothing stopping me from picking up and defecting to a country that would be truly freer than the U.S. would be under Brownback's regime.

At this point, you might be thinking I'd gladly take that shiv to the gall bladder than pick one of these cretins in the Republican party, but you'd be wrong. Mitt Romney, former governor of the state of Massachusetts, would have to be my man. First of all, for a Republican to even be CONSIDERED for governor of Massachusetts is pretty impressive. He's anti-abortion though, but he's realistic enough to know that abortions won't ever be removed from our society, so why bother with the headache? He's anti-gay marriage as well, but the tide is steadily changing on that issue, so what he believes won't really matter much. Fiscally, he seems to be all right. At least he's a successful business man with a solid head on his shoulders when it comes to numbers.

If I were forced to make a prediction, I'd say it'll be either Edwards (if the Democrats continue with their recent trend of "Who do we THINK will be able to beat the other guy?") or Clinton (if the staunch liberals push and press hard enough; surely she'll have the money and name recognition on her side) against either Giuliani (if they're able to lull people back into the 9/11 frame of fear-inducing mind) or Romney (if they can push this whole Ronald Reagan of the 21st Century angle they've quietly got going). With a twisted arm, I'd have to say that Romney's looking like the guy who has the potential to take the brass ring. Sad but true.

An Addendum: The Political Issues On My Mind

"We've got a liberal activist court . . . and I have now seen firsthand the perils of a court that decides to substitute its values for that of the founders."

I'm not a Gay American, but this quote caught my eye. From the previous post's aforementioned Mitt Romney, this is in reaction to the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court's 2003 decision to impose Same-Sex Marriage. Didn't sit well with Mr. Romney, apparently.

You could say that I'm a supporter of Gay Marriage. But, really, what I am is a supporter of the Elimination of Marriage Period. It doesn't work and it really never has. When you look at the fact that 50% of all marriages fail, where's the sanctity in that? And the only reason why this wasn't as rampant a hundred years ago is because there was a stigma attached to divorce, so most people stuck it out in marriages they didn't want to necessarily be in. The only function marriage serves now is, I guess, tax breaks. And providing Las Vegas with an additional source of income.

But, this is just a stupid argument anyway. Anyone who opposes the idea of two gay people getting married just needs to fucking die. It's boring. Why this country needs to cling on to some level of intolerance is beyond me. No, they're not taking firehoses to queers in the street, but that's because as a society we're less apt to protest like we did in the 50s and 60s. Plus, even if there WERE more protests in favor of this issue, that's just a governmental public relations nightmare I would assume no one's going to fall for.

Here's my thing about the Constitution, because essentially that's REALLY what the above quote is referring to. Romney is outraged that the judges on the court are imposing their values upon a piece of paper drafted hundreds of years ago. Look, I generally enjoy the Constitution, but we can all agree the document had some fucking flaws. Could our Founding Fathers foresee the tides of opinion changing so as to abolish slavery or give women the right to vote? Did they anticipate the puritans banning alcohol and everyone else fighting to bring it back thirteen years later? Could they have possibly seen Civil Rights looming on the horizon? Hell No! That's why we have a little thing called the Constitutional Amendment. We've got a number of these damn things tacked on to this hundreds of years old piece of paper. They're what we use to correct something that couldn't have been predicted in the 18th century.

Society changes. People start thinking differently. Ideologies evolve; sure, they may evolve as slow as monkeys, but they evolve. As such, we need to align the letter of the law to the parlance of our times. The Constitution wasn't carved out of stone for a reason. Somehow, Black People found the extra 2/5 of their being to allow them 1 full vote per person; somehow, women gained the capabilities to own land and determine legislation; and somehow, someday, gay people will be allowed to own a piece of paper of their very own that tells the world that they too are ready to start getting divorces.

If you believe the Constitution is a Living, Breathing, ever shape-shifting document, then you've seen one too many horror movies. You've also got to take the good with the bad. There are some things about the Constitution I don't think should ever be changed. Freedom of speech, religion, and the press goes right to the top of the list. And it's entirely possible that the parlance of our times would dictate that we shouldn't have the freedom to say and to think how we feel. That's fine. You know, if it's put to the people and the people overwhelmingly voted it in and there's no suggestion of tampering or corruption, then so be it.

Of course, if that day comes, you can bet your ass I'll be shopping for a new home in a different hemisphere.