December 1st, 2006


Seattle Sports Roundup

God, you know the scholars at the U-Dub are having a FIT! Get ready, because they're about to pile in MILLIONS of dollars worth of renovations into Husky Stadium (in the future, possibly known as Taco Del Mar Field? One can only hope). Apparently, they're doing away with the track in there and bringing seats closer to the field, which should provide for a bigger home-field advantage (that is, should fans decide to start showing up to games again). And, it looks like they're paving the way for luxury boxes/seats and maybe even some name-brand concessions.

Of course, that means yet again, the UW Philosophy Department will go without heating or lights for their oh-so-important-and-revenue-generating classes. Ahh well, gotta break some eggs.

Love my girl, she lookin' good.

Has anyone else noticed how fucking retarded Major League Baseball is? And I don't just mean at the moment, I mean for the last DECADE! I'm sorry, but Adam Eaton should NEVER be a highly sought-after prized pitcher! Then again, I guess I shouldn't be too surprized. I mean, if Brandon Webb can win a Cy Young award, David Eckstein can win a World Series MVP, and some dude from the Twins can snag an AL MVP over Derek Jeter, there truly is no God.

But, I'm looking squarely at the Seattle Mariners on this one. I guess it looks like we're set on Hernandez, Washburn, and three BIGGER lumps of crap as our starting rotation then? Jason Schmidt actually WANTS to play for the Mariners and we're dragging our heels? Hemming and hawing over trivial details like 3 years over 4? Are you FUCKING kidding me? Our Great Offseason Plan is to see if we can work out a Freddy Garcia trade, so he can continue passing down bad habits to Felix from close range? I mean, it's like our General Manager is playing Yahtzee, only instead of going for something useful, he's gonna stop on one roll and take the three points on 1's. Unfuckingbelievable.

Trade in your hours for a handful of dimes.

Can my cynic's heart truly believe that Clay Bennett is trying to find a King County home for the Sonics? Tough to say, because I could see him do a lot more and still fail because our fucking legislature doesn't know their asses from the hole in the fucking sports community they're creating with this push to eradicate Seattle from the NBA landscape. This ain't the Cleveland Browns, you don't always get a second chance with these things. Seattle had a baseball team in the 40s; they left and we didn't see another one until 1977. We lose the Supersonics now and I don't see us getting another team for a LONG time.

Then again, to sit here and watch a team with two prime all star type players underperforming the way they are - not that I've actually been able to literally watch a game, but I read the damn papers everyday - what's the fucking point, right? We draft center after center only to see them get injured or fade into obscurity; we bring in supposed character guys who turn into whining bitches because they can't accept the role they've been brought in to do; our coach is a chicken with his fucking head cut off, who was so incompetent he couldn't even take the Spurs with an MVP center by the name of David Robinson to the promised land, who keeps flipping around his rotation every week even though he knows players don't like that.

The Sonics have made a lot of dumbass moves over the years - at least since the 1996 Finals season - but of the idiotic things they've done in recent years, letting Nate McMillan go coach the Trailblazers has to be number one. He had us performing in a playoff series against San Antonio we had NO business being in. Then, we dick around, lowball him, and force his hand. We should've been on top of the thing, giving him an extension LONG before his contract ran out. Fucking shit.

They got the guns but, we got the numbers.

It's a good thing we have the Seahawks. Can't seem to get more than one sports team to succeed at any one time. Too bad I don't see 'em winning in Denver this week. That's no crack in favor of Jay Cutler; that's seeing Tatum Bell running for 300 yards on our defense.

You Are Now Dumber For Having Read This

Of course, one could fittingly argue that you're growing dumber by the day for having read what I've got to say. In other words, it doesn't just start today.

You know what sucks? Answering a call from a guy for a the seventh time in a day because he refuses to leave someone a voicemail message. No, I DON'T know where so-and-so is you jackass! Why don't you leave them a MESSAGE and maybe they can tell you later!

God, I can't fucking wait. Eight more working days after today and I'm done for the year of 2006. I wonder if I made just enough to not have to pay any taxes? Let's see, I worked from January through the end of July, then 21 days in the last two months. Hmmmmm.

Do you work with someone who's super anal retentive? Then maybe you can appreciate my plight. I've never met someone who strikes me more as someone who fucked her way to the middle and is now completely self-conscious about performing even though there's no chance in a blue-mooned hell that she'll ever rise through the rest of the ranks to become an actual player in the Commercial Real Estate business. Her name is Rodie, and since she's one of six women who work here - and they've cleverly stationed their desks in the same segregated area - among an office with probably twenty guys, she's got the mindset that the more aggressive and condescending you are to underlings like me, maybe they'll take her seriously as management material. What she fails to realize is that this is a male-dominated industry, and it's that way for a reason.

When Rodie hasn't been ordering me around, though, she's actually been really nice. She even wrote down a list of restaurant recommendations and good bars with reasonable drink prices in fun locations. But, when she's got some new project or skill for me to learn, she turns into a real cunt. And don't think the men in charge don't notice this sort of thing. Do you think they want to promote some demanding bitch to their own level? Hell no! They want to keep those kinds of people where they can control them and effectively shut them up by the Unspoken Reminder of Corporate Hierarchy.

I hate it when people promote drastically different professional personae than their personal ones. Like, I could understand your boss being a dick if he's a prick in real life. But, why do perfectly reasonable human beings feel they need to turn on the Asshole (like, for instance, how I'll turn on the charm when I meet a sexy lady) when they're in the office? And I can tell this Rodie character is torn between her personal niceness and her professional cuntiness, because when I do wrong and show remorse, she's been understanding about it. Of course, that could be too because she continually tried to rip me a new asshole over my shotty labelling job on Wednesday. I mean, for five good minutes, she was hovering over me, telling me the "tricks of the trade" on how to put labels on things quickly. So, when I do the job quickly, she notices the labels are crooked. If she would've just said Precision over Promptness, I would've gotten the hint. But, no, she had to passive aggressively berate me, then send someone else over here to show me how to do it the right way. It's putting labels on divider tabs, I GET IT!


I'm up to 65 push ups now. I've been doing them mornings the last couple weeks, both to cement the routine and to wake my ass up. Set of 25, set of 15, set of 15, set of 10. I'm getting warmer. I've got ONE of the 25 sets down, just gotta get those other three up there. My guns are gonna be mowing down Iraqis in no time!

I was gonna just go ahead and drink my dinner last night - three 16-ounce Budweiser tallboys - but I was chastised by Jenny for my poor dietary habits. So, I had six chickenless nuggets and three 16-ounce Budweiser tallboys for dinner last night. Is this the beginning of a hairy trend for me? Seriously, like the last three times I've been drinking, it's been exclusively Budweiser beer. What IS this? To be fair, Budweiser IS the King of Beers for a reason: it's probably the most non-threatening non-light beer on the market. It's not the best, but it's far from Natty Ice. Being King doesn't necessarily make you the best, but it makes you the most accepted. What beer drinker would actively turn down a Budweiser? You'd have to have some messed up Beer Principles.

So, I saw the Britney Spears pussy shots. They weren't so much hot as mildly nauseating, to tell you the truth. It's kinda like shaking hands with someone who rides in public transportation or uses a gas station bathroom without washing afterwards. I don't know where that thing's been, but I'm pretty sure I don't want it TOUCHING me. And the fact that she and Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have this little Girls Club From Hell (occasionally tack on Tara Reid, Nicole Richie, Brittany Murphy ... any one from a wide pool of anorexic, skanky, fugly ho-bags), just goes to prove my point that parents are NOT beating their children enough!

Here's the thing: Public Intoxication is ONLY funny when you're drunk, and it's only funny TO the drunk people you're drunk with. Otherwise, you're just a braying, annoying white trash piece of shit who should probably be rounded up and thrown into the middle of the ocean after a series of wound-opening paper cuts (more for the salt water to sting and less for the blood to attract sharks, as I'm sure anything flowing in those veins is too diluted by cocaine, alcohol, heroin, and semen for shark tastebuds to detect).

I know people like to place too much emphasis on the children in every little thing, from coarse language on television to smoking laws in public places, but I gotta feel for Britney's children. I mean, not THAT much, because they'll be growing up celebrity, with a famous milf who's got shitloads of money. But, just think about yourself for a moment. You're one of my friends, you're reading this. Then, think about one day - maybe today - you're wandering around, doing your little Internet thing, checking up on the juicy gossip of the day, and you find out there are pictures out there of YOUR very own mother getting out of a car without any panties on. You know that phrase "Loose Lips Sink Ships"? Yeah, I don't think that's what they meant by this, but it should've been.