Who Wrote Holden Caulfield?
It's hard to pick from Holden Caulfield's brain and not become really and for-truly downtrodden about the world.
I know a lot of artsy, dark, brooding intellectual types enjoy likening themselves to Mr. Caulfield's plight with society - it really seems like the hip thing to do. "I identify with that character SO MUCH. It's like he's reading my MIND!" Of course, I know better. I know those people are full of s-h-i-t SHIT!
People like to think they're "better" than the random imbecile they run into in school or on the street because they think they can spot the Phonies better than anyone else. The truth of the matter is, EVERYONE is a fucking phony! Holden Caulfield is one of the BIGGEST phonies! Think about it, he talks about how he pretty much hates or finds something annoying about everyone, and yet, when he talks to those people he'd just sentences before been badmouthing, he's all nice and accommodating. And, let's not forget the fact that - near the end - he talks about what a swell idea it'd be to move out west, live alone in a cabin near the woods, pretending to be a deaf-mute so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone. But, this guy's about as sociable as it gets! He's striking up random conversations with strangers left and right! He bitches about his older brother squandering his talents in Hollywood, and yet HE'S the one flunking damn near every subject in school because he doesn't give a damn!
Look, it's easy to go around hating everyone. People like to get on your nerves almost as much as they like breathing. The bottom line is, these Entitled, Elitist Intellectual fuckheads are just as bad as the fucking morons. At least people with low IQs or living along the poverty line don't have this sense of entitlement that makes them think they're better than anyone else.
But, Holden's got it right on one account. Things that go on in the world are pretty fucking miserable. I mean, it's everywhere you fucking turn! Corruption at nearly every God damned level of society. You take one whiff of Congress and you'll see a lifetime of corruption right there. Politicians who give themselves RAISES so they won't be tempted to strike illegal/immoral deals with lobbyists. In other words, they're giving themselves MORE money to prevent themselves from breaking the law! And yet, teachers remain ill-compensated for their efforts, police and fire stations are underfunded, and troops are running around with out-dated protective gear.
And then the politicians go out and make their illegal deals anyway.
Not that I'm on the side of greedy corporate swindlers, but how in fuck's name do congressional leaders get off on judging corrupt CEOs when there's no one around holding THEM accountable?
Then, you've got O.J. with his How To book on how he would've killed his ex-wife and her "friend" if he had, indeed, been the murderer. I'm sure that and the corresponding TV Special will make unnecessary millions for a guy who never had any business being famous in the first place. Look, I'll level with you, at the time of his acquittal, I didn't think O.J. did it. Maybe I'm nuts, but I can't get a rhyming Johnny Cochran out of my mind. Now, I don't base that on fact or any tangible knowledge about my person ... I just like rooting for the underdog. Hey! It's what I do! From day 1, everyone said he was guilty, was going to be found guilty, and would rot in prison for eternity. And then, all of a sudden, things were bungled, racist cops were given a voice, evidence may or may not have been tampered with, and we have a free man on our hands (still waiting for my O.J. prize, by the way). Seems like every day since, though, I've regretted rooting for that man, as he's proven time and time again to be a collosal pain in the ass. He couldn't just quietly wallow his life away in seclusion, maybe in some other country, and never allow himself to speak in public again like he should have. No, he's gotta go around every few years proclaiming his innocence, all the while looking guiltier and guiltier.
You've got Naomi Campbell in court because she threw her JEWEL-ENCRUSTED Blackberry at her maid. Now, she's demanding - not just community service - but community service involving holding a cancer fundraiser; because she doesn't want her picture taken like Boy George when she's out on the roadsides picking up garbage. So, again, in other words: this so-called supermodel (though, really, her relevence has dwindled considerably in recent years) gets to act like a collosal rich snobby bitch, abuse her help, and then throw a party with a bunch of other rich snobby bitches to raise money for cancer and end up looking like a humanitarian. Even though she's a classist bigot.
I hate to sound like a preachy asshole on this one, but it's kinda hard not to be!
(to be continued after lunch)
Do you think, years ago before they acted in movies and TV shows and such, that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had non-celebrity friends? Because, judging by their wedding guest list - a list that even Queen Oprah couldn't get her fat ass on - I'd have to think not. You gotta tell me, what movie did Jim Carrey do with either of them to get to be such close friends? Or Jennifer Lopez? Is this one of those things where you get famous and only start hanging around famous people?
Why do celebrities always complain about paparazzi and yellow journalism when they're so out of touch with humanity they can't see that everything they do is completely insane? If they honestly wanted to be out of the public eye, there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. You know what? DON'T go to the trendy, high-scale restaurant; DON'T shop in Beverly Hills (in fact, don't fucking shop! If you're so God damned rich, why don't you shop on-line or by phone if you don't want people snappin' pitchers?); DON'T have your fucking wedding in some castle in Italy! If you make your lives appear to be as boring as everyone else's, then everyone else will cease to be interested in whatever the fuck it is that you do with your free time.
Aww, you know what, everyone's too fat lazy and stupid anyway; what's the point in lecturing? People are just going to continue going along being fatter, lazier, and stupider than they should be no matter how much common sense you try to ingrain into them. I mean, as long as they make hamburgers with fried eggs, "pre-worn" new denim jeans, and fucking TV shows with washed up athletes dancing with anorexic hookers, nothing's ever going to change.
I mean, seriously, it's not like it takes all that much effort to break in a pair of jeans ...
I know a lot of artsy, dark, brooding intellectual types enjoy likening themselves to Mr. Caulfield's plight with society - it really seems like the hip thing to do. "I identify with that character SO MUCH. It's like he's reading my MIND!" Of course, I know better. I know those people are full of s-h-i-t SHIT!
People like to think they're "better" than the random imbecile they run into in school or on the street because they think they can spot the Phonies better than anyone else. The truth of the matter is, EVERYONE is a fucking phony! Holden Caulfield is one of the BIGGEST phonies! Think about it, he talks about how he pretty much hates or finds something annoying about everyone, and yet, when he talks to those people he'd just sentences before been badmouthing, he's all nice and accommodating. And, let's not forget the fact that - near the end - he talks about what a swell idea it'd be to move out west, live alone in a cabin near the woods, pretending to be a deaf-mute so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone. But, this guy's about as sociable as it gets! He's striking up random conversations with strangers left and right! He bitches about his older brother squandering his talents in Hollywood, and yet HE'S the one flunking damn near every subject in school because he doesn't give a damn!
Look, it's easy to go around hating everyone. People like to get on your nerves almost as much as they like breathing. The bottom line is, these Entitled, Elitist Intellectual fuckheads are just as bad as the fucking morons. At least people with low IQs or living along the poverty line don't have this sense of entitlement that makes them think they're better than anyone else.
But, Holden's got it right on one account. Things that go on in the world are pretty fucking miserable. I mean, it's everywhere you fucking turn! Corruption at nearly every God damned level of society. You take one whiff of Congress and you'll see a lifetime of corruption right there. Politicians who give themselves RAISES so they won't be tempted to strike illegal/immoral deals with lobbyists. In other words, they're giving themselves MORE money to prevent themselves from breaking the law! And yet, teachers remain ill-compensated for their efforts, police and fire stations are underfunded, and troops are running around with out-dated protective gear.
And then the politicians go out and make their illegal deals anyway.
Not that I'm on the side of greedy corporate swindlers, but how in fuck's name do congressional leaders get off on judging corrupt CEOs when there's no one around holding THEM accountable?
Then, you've got O.J. with his How To book on how he would've killed his ex-wife and her "friend" if he had, indeed, been the murderer. I'm sure that and the corresponding TV Special will make unnecessary millions for a guy who never had any business being famous in the first place. Look, I'll level with you, at the time of his acquittal, I didn't think O.J. did it. Maybe I'm nuts, but I can't get a rhyming Johnny Cochran out of my mind. Now, I don't base that on fact or any tangible knowledge about my person ... I just like rooting for the underdog. Hey! It's what I do! From day 1, everyone said he was guilty, was going to be found guilty, and would rot in prison for eternity. And then, all of a sudden, things were bungled, racist cops were given a voice, evidence may or may not have been tampered with, and we have a free man on our hands (still waiting for my O.J. prize, by the way). Seems like every day since, though, I've regretted rooting for that man, as he's proven time and time again to be a collosal pain in the ass. He couldn't just quietly wallow his life away in seclusion, maybe in some other country, and never allow himself to speak in public again like he should have. No, he's gotta go around every few years proclaiming his innocence, all the while looking guiltier and guiltier.
You've got Naomi Campbell in court because she threw her JEWEL-ENCRUSTED Blackberry at her maid. Now, she's demanding - not just community service - but community service involving holding a cancer fundraiser; because she doesn't want her picture taken like Boy George when she's out on the roadsides picking up garbage. So, again, in other words: this so-called supermodel (though, really, her relevence has dwindled considerably in recent years) gets to act like a collosal rich snobby bitch, abuse her help, and then throw a party with a bunch of other rich snobby bitches to raise money for cancer and end up looking like a humanitarian. Even though she's a classist bigot.
I hate to sound like a preachy asshole on this one, but it's kinda hard not to be!
(to be continued after lunch)
Do you think, years ago before they acted in movies and TV shows and such, that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had non-celebrity friends? Because, judging by their wedding guest list - a list that even Queen Oprah couldn't get her fat ass on - I'd have to think not. You gotta tell me, what movie did Jim Carrey do with either of them to get to be such close friends? Or Jennifer Lopez? Is this one of those things where you get famous and only start hanging around famous people?
Why do celebrities always complain about paparazzi and yellow journalism when they're so out of touch with humanity they can't see that everything they do is completely insane? If they honestly wanted to be out of the public eye, there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. You know what? DON'T go to the trendy, high-scale restaurant; DON'T shop in Beverly Hills (in fact, don't fucking shop! If you're so God damned rich, why don't you shop on-line or by phone if you don't want people snappin' pitchers?); DON'T have your fucking wedding in some castle in Italy! If you make your lives appear to be as boring as everyone else's, then everyone else will cease to be interested in whatever the fuck it is that you do with your free time.
Aww, you know what, everyone's too fat lazy and stupid anyway; what's the point in lecturing? People are just going to continue going along being fatter, lazier, and stupider than they should be no matter how much common sense you try to ingrain into them. I mean, as long as they make hamburgers with fried eggs, "pre-worn" new denim jeans, and fucking TV shows with washed up athletes dancing with anorexic hookers, nothing's ever going to change.
I mean, seriously, it's not like it takes all that much effort to break in a pair of jeans ...