November 4th, 2006


The Four-Way Journal Post: Raphael

Raph was always my favorite of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and I'll tell ya why: Don was a huge nerdy douche with a glorified stick as a weapon (and while he may have owned all ass around town on the original NES game, he was probably one of the least effective fighters in the cartoon or movies); Mike was everyone's favorite, but the surfer-dude schtick got old pretty quick; and Leo always reminded me of one of those bossy asshole jock types who thought he was the shit when really it's a little known fact that he was the second best fighter. Raph was the best and only the true fans know it. That's why his weapons were the smallest: he didn't NEED the huge phallic weapon that the other Turtles needed; Raph just plain kicked ass, hands down. Plus, he had attitude, and even though he was the best, he never made it a big deal; ultimate team player if you ask me. Also, he always had the one-liner ready and zinged out there before any of the other Turtles could blink. Truly on the Peter Venkman level 100%.

As such, I'm devoting this first of four posts simply to the coolest topic of the night: What's Playing On My iTunes Right Now

Playlist: Fucking Cool Songs

Brian Jonestown Massacre - Anenome
Brian Jonestown Massacre - Wisdom
Brian Jonestown Massacre - In My Life
Brian Jonestown Massacre - Swallowtail Live
The Doors - Five To One
The Doors - The Changeling
Frank Zappa - Magdalena
Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere
The Dandy Warhols - It's a Fast Driving Rave-Up With the Dandy Warhols Sixteen Minutes
The Black Crowes - Sometimes Salvation
Big Brother & The Holding Company (Janis Joplin) - Summertime
Ben Harper - Woman In You (live)
Ben Harper - God Fearing Man
Anthony Hamilton - Coming From Where I'm From
Guns N' Roses - Double Talkin' Jive
Guns N' Roses - Locomotive
Interpol - Not Even Jail
Jackson 5 - I Am Love (parts 1 & 2)
Jeff Buckley - Dream Brother (live)
The Jesus & Mary Chain - Snakedriver
Kings of Leon - Soft
The Mars Volta - Asilos Magdalena (no relation to the aforementioned Zappa tune)
Mellowdrone - Fashionably Uninvited
Modest Mouse - Dark Center Of The Universe
Nine Inch Nails - Beside You In Time
Nine Inch Nails - Right Where It Belongs
Nine Inch Nails - Metal
Pearl Jam - Can't Keep (Live At Benaroya)
Radiohead - Paranoid Android
The Rolling Stones - Monkey Man
The Rolling Stones - Moonlight Mile
Toadies - Paper Dress
Wilco - Poor Places
  • Current Music
    Dandy Warhols - somewhere within those 16 minutes
Don't Hassle the Hoff

The Four-Way Journal Post: Winston Zeddemore

Don't ask me why Winston's secretly my favorite Ghostbuster ... maybe it's because he's black. A little solidarity amongst brothers, ya know? I always enjoyed the line in the first movie, when they were getting arrested, he called out, "I just work with these guys!" Way to take one for the team, Winston. Nevertheless, aside from Peter, he was the coolest cat there. Like, they just pick him up off the street, throw a pack on his back, and he's thrown in the fire, handling his bid-ness like a MAN. Oh, and he's got a cool name (though, Egon Spengler comes damn close). Some might call Winston "Mr. Irrelevant", but I call him a welcome member of the Ghostbusters family.

And, in keeping with the ghost theme, I hereby devote this portion to a full scale Halloween Report:

I'll start off here with what everyone wants to know: What did Steven A. Taylor go as for Halloween?

There's a lot of history here in this question. For a little while there, I had a flurry of very solid Halloween costumes. Well, three anyway. Mr. T, Anna Kournikova, and Mr. Clean. My glory years. I like to think I Three-Peated as Halloween Champion in those years, but that's letting the ol' ego take over. There was a HUGE letdown last year that I won't really get into (though it DID amount to my getting some action, so I guess it wasn't all bad); so this year was to be my redemption. If I were to aspire to the level of the 70s Steelers and pick off an easy fourth championship, I really needed to strap on my A game. The idea was there (Giant Pumpkin Protesting Pumpkin Carving a la Anti-Abortion Activists), but time and money conspired against me. At the last minute, Jenny gave me the idea of being The Literal Manifestation of White Trash.

13 Gallon White Trash Bag over my torso (with arm and head holes)
13 Gallon White Trash Bag around my waist as a skirt of sorts
Random pieces of paper towels, magazine scraps, milk cartons and toilet paper attached all around my body via masking tape.

So, exactly TWO people actually got what I was going for without me explaining it. Everyone else saw the CLEAN toilet paper I wrapped around my glasses and called me "Toilet Paper Man." Though, when I corrected them and answered the "Who Are You Supposed To Be?" questions with, "I'm White Trash!" I got some pretty decent laughs.

In short, I'm not ready to claim a fourth championship, but I'll be ready next year to reclaim my throne.

Anyway, Jenny, Emily and I went into Manhattan to be in the big Halloween parade. Jenny made a pretty good looking deer mask out of a paper bag; and Emily was some ghost character from the movie "Spirited Away." I've never seen the movie, but apparently the ENTIRE ASIAN POPULATION has, because they kept going up to Emily all night asking for her picture. In fact, all three of us had cameras in our faces all night as we decided to march along with the giant skeletons, floats, marching bands, and other forms of madness. Jenny even got interviewed by some roving reporter. Off the hook.

So, I didn't really think about this going in, but when you decide to walk in the parade ... the view never changes. To counter this, Jenny and Emily decided to walk really super slow and let the bulk of the parade pass them by. I did this for a while too, but after about a half hour to an hour, I realized the fucking parade was too staggered, with huge gaps in between groups of people. Which was cool at first. I mean, there's like a block of nothing but me, Jenny, and Emily in our homemade costumes standing around waiting for the next wave to catch up with us - the people who had to just look at us must've felt ripped off something fierce. Oh yeah, by the way did I mention that there was an ASSTON of people lining the streets? After a while, I got tired of walking like a 90 year old man, so I ditched the two of them and went on ahead.

By the way, I've got two bones to pick with people. First of all, this growing sentiment that Halloween is ONLY a Kid's Holiday. Go fuck yourselves. If you can't get in the spirit of being LIKE a kid again, if only for one night, then take your sour grapes and shove them up your ass! Just because your poppa probably never let you trick or treat as a child, don't try to push your warped family values on the rest of us!

Secondly, in keeping, this IS primarily a Kid's Holiday regardless. At the parade, you know who's watching? Parents and their kids. So, all you little dumbfuck political protesters who just HAVE to horn your way into everything that generates a crowd, why don't you do us all a fucking favor and STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY HALLOWEEN! We don't care what a Fuck Up the president is, OK? We don't care about the Iraq Quagmire or the deficit or the lies and fear being propagated by the government to keep the people in line. On Halloween, all we care about is Costumes, Candy, Ladies With No Self Esteem Dressing Slutty, Ladies WITH Self Esteem Dressing Slutty, and Having A Good Time. Take the other 364 non leap-year days to preach your fucking cause, but don't fuck with my good time God Dammit!

ANYWAY, all in all, I did have a good time, but I had to get the fuck home. Since we weren't allowed to march with alcohol, I needed 50 cc's of Samuel Adams Oktoberfest Ale. Plus, my back was killing me due to standing and walking for the better part of a million hours; AND all the clothes I was wearing underneath the plastic bags was DRENCHED in sweat. Uhh, plastic don't breathe like cotton there Ace.

Good to know.
  • Current Music
    Ben Harper - Fearing God, 11 minutes at a time

The Four-Way Journal Post: Toad

OK, so this is stretching it as a foursome (I'm talking about Mario, Luigi, Princess Toadstool, and Toad), but I've got two favorites to talk about here: Super Mario Brothers 2 AND Toad. First off, why everyone gotta be hatin' on Toad? Granted, he sounds a little faggy when he speaks on Mario Kart, but cut the guy some slack! He's a humanized fucking FUNGUS, all right? You tell me what a humanized fucking Fungus is supposed to sound like and I'll give you a fucking medal. Besides, in Super Mario 2, he digs like no tomorrow! He runs faster than everyone ... pretty much he's making the most out of his inferior disposition. Oh, and Super Mario 2 is the best of the original NES games hands down. You get your choice of players, you can pick up and throw things, there's a gang of new enemy characters you don't see before or after, and you fight a giant frog with vegetables. It's even got a moral! Eat Yo Vegetables! Oh, don't think I'm not aware, you're an evil toad if you don't like your greens. Plus, I have it on good accord that a lot of my friends either despise it or can't beat it (those two not mutually exclusive, I bet). And don't give me that crap about how the game wasn't originally intended to be a Mario game. I don't care! The creators of Mario saw this game and, being the Microsoft of their day, they decided to co-opt the lesser-known company and incorporate it into their monopoly. Win-Win, if you ask me. Best of the NES series of Mario games, AND they introduce Toad as a viable character to be enjoyed by millions of good-hearted children for decades to come (note I said "good-hearted" ... anyone who doesn't love Toad is a Middle Eastern Terrorist if you ask me ... you're either with the Toad-Lovers or you're against us, bitches!).

Having said that, I'll stretch the segue even further so's to talk about the TWO movies I saw tonight: "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" & "Running With Scissors"

First, I'll go Borat. I'm a LITTLE disappointed they went ahead and tried to tack on a storyline in conjunction with the hilarious sections of Candid Camera Meets Trigger Happy TV (I don't really know how else to describe it to people who haven't seen any Borat segments ... but I bet making the "Trigger Happy TV" reference isn't helping matters any). A lot of the non-Real Life segments just get bogged down in sticking to the underlying story of Meeting Pam Anderson. However, without going into much detail, there are two scenes that had me not only laughing out loud until it hurt, but honestly shocked at what I was watching - and, remember, I don't have a soul, so I'm not shocked easily! The Pam Anderson climax at the end was one, and the male nude wrestling scene was the other. That's all I'm going into.

However, I have one concern: I don't know if what I was watching was real, edited, or completely fabricated. I got the feeling, going along, that some of the scenes that were involving real people were actually performed by actors. And, I'm almost certain Pam Anderson was in on it from the beginning. She was probably even working off a script. Of course, there's the usual theme involving Borat starting a line of dialogue that's either racist, anti-Semetic, or misogynistic, and the real people revealing their true colors as being either racist, anti-Semetic, misogynistic, or all three. Seemed to me, though, while the subjects were truly awful in their views, that the parts with them saying the horrid things were heavily edited. To the point where I'm thinking they were led on to such an extent - goaded perhaps - that they said things they might not normally have. I mean, we all know Mel Gibson's an asshole, but it still takes a fuckload of alcohol to get him showing his true Anti-Jew colors in public. Something to be said for that.

Anyway, if you like to laugh, go see the Borat movie. Top notch comedy.

Now, on to Running With Scissors. Kind of an under-the-radar movie if you ask me, even though it stars Annette Bening, Alec Baldwin, Brian Cox, and features Gwenyth Paltrow, Joseph Fiennes, and Evan Rachel Wood. Still, from seeing the previews a few times in recent months, something about this movie called out to me. It's about this kid with an alcoholic father and an insane mother. They divorce, she gets custody (the child is a mama's boy, and incidently homosexual as well), but inevitably she's too unstable to handle her child, so she lets her therapist (Brian Cox) adopt her only son. Wackiness ensues as the situation he's thrust into is most unfortunate.

The movie's got heart. It's about not fitting in, in a conventional setting, but completely fitting in with a group of outcasts. You'll probably want to look for Annette Bening to get another Oscar Nomination; and this makes two quality supporting cast roles for Alec Baldwin in a row! My boy! I dunno, it's interesting, but I don't think the movie's for everyone. Reminds me of something I would've seen with Melody last year.

I guess it would be what people would describe as a "Tragi-Comedy," though I loathe that term. I contest (making the point about "The Time Traveler's Wife" that I recently read) that there's no such thing as something being a tragedy AND a comedy. Here's the thing: a "Comedy," if that's what you're going to apply as a genre to your work, can't be tragic; however, a "Tragedy" can have elements of comedy and still be deemed a tragedy. My rationale here being: the comedy just sets the characters up for their inevitable tragic downfall later on, thereby making the conclusion even MORE tragic. Regardless, the movie tries to end on a hopeful note - as these Tragi-Comedies do. If you don't like movies that end with you not knowing what's DEFINITELY going to happen to the main characters, then you won't like this movie, let me put it that way.
  • Current Music
    The Jesus & Mary Chain - Snakedriver
Don't Hassle the Hoff

The Four-Way Journal Post: Marissa Cooper

Now, you didn't think I'd let too much time pass before I got into the Current Events portion of the Four-Way Journal Post, did you? I hereby doff my cap (as well as any and all other articles of clothing if she'd have me ... mmmpussy ... sorry ... for the obscure Steven Tyler reference) to the tragic ... must find word besides "tragic" ... to the cataclysmic passing of one Marissa Cooper. Obviously the sexiest of the four O.C. main older kids, but also my underrated favorite. For all the scenes with her in a bikini, for all of Mischa Barton's DREADFUL acting, for all the scenes with her in a bikini, for all the times she was "in trouble," for all the scenes with her in a bikini ... excuse me, clean-up on aisle nine.

Marissa was the life-force of The O.C., whether you liked her or found her completely annoying. And, I know the Marissa bandwagon is pretty sparse in the ol' "Marissa vs. Summer: Who Would You Rather Stick It Into?" Debate, but I'm on the Marissa train until the day I die. It's too bad, you really can't even compare it to the "Ginger vs. Mary Ann" Debate, because that had to've been near 50-50 (Mary Ann being the wussy-man's choice, Ginger being the every-man's choice). This Marissa/Summer thing is like 97-2 in favor of Summer (with the other 1% devoted evenly between Kirsten Cohen, Julie Cooper-Nicholl, and Sandy's Eyebrows).

Anyway, on with the post.

If you haven't had a chance to see the season premiere of The O.C. (and I gave you knob-jobs the damned link to see it A WEEK EARLY on MySpace, so there's no excuse), be prepared to have your cat out of the fucking bag!

OK, you got me, I'm fucking hooked once again. DAMN THAT SHOW!!!! Going into the last week of last season, I was so thoroughly fed up with that fucking show, sitting through the season finale was a mere formality. I knew ahead of time - thanks to the WORST kept secret in showbiz history - that Marissa was toast, so the ending was no shocker for me. And yet, having said all that, I was curious as to how they'd handle things in this, most likely the last season unless they get it as far away from Grey's Anatomy as humanly possible (which would be Monday mornings at 9am I think ... maybe 8:30am just to be safe ... or accurate). And what do they do? They come up with an intriguing storyline!

Everyone's trying to cope in their own ways, five months later. Summer's in denial, believing that she's over it and using her cross-country distance from the mess as a crutch in her forgetting. Seth doesn't give too much of a fuck because he and Marissa were never all that friendly anyway. And Ryan's just being Ryan, blocking out all the pain, foregoing his first year at California University (oops, I mean Stanford ... I should've had some kind of Saved By The Bell foursome: Mr. Belding, Bob Golic, Milo, and Mr. Tuttle ... obviously I'd go Milo, with Mr. Tuttle pulling a close second, and Bob Golic as far back as humanly possible ... what a DOUCHEBAG!). I must say, having Ryan being a steel-cage fighter was a solid touch. Just getting the shit beat OUT of him.

And, yeah, the whole Comic Book/Powerpoint Presentation to cradle Ryan back into the Cohen Family Fold was VERY hokey (as opposed to Hokie, which is some sort of fictictious Turkey-Based bird used as an ill-advised mascot at Virginia Tech). But, that aside, if Ryan actually goes out on this Vengeance Quest against Volcheck and finishes him once and for all, I'll sleep better at night. Seriously, like if Volcheck's in Mexico, Ryan can TOTALLY bash his head in until brains are spewing and not get in any trouble for it!!!

In Other News:

I got a call Thursday morning at 8:52am for a 2-day job. The catch: I would've had to be there in an hour (leaving me little-to-no time to shower and mentally prepare), AND I'd gotten less than three hours of sleep up to that point. Yeah, I was lucky to wake up and answer the phone, honestly. They said to call back on Friday to see if there was anything left, but there wasn't. So, the unemployed string goes on. Though, I think I'm getting close. I can feel it. And, if worse comes to worse, I've got a list of about another 15 temp agencies I can call. No worries on my end yet.

P.S. Episode 2 of the new season of The O.C. is up on MySpace ... God damn, that's all I've gotta say ... other than "Screw LiveJournal for being under maintenance right now ... don't they know I have one more entry to post???"
  • Current Music
    Nine Inch Nails - Right Where It Belongs