October 28th, 2006


Hairy Vaginas

Good Evening, Ladies & Gentlemen
What Is Your Desire?
And Hello, Ladies & Gentlemen
Explosions & Fire

Good Evening, Ladies & Gentlemen
Are You Prepared To Rock?
And Hello, Ladies & Gentlemen
Let's Rock, Let's Rock, Let's ROCK!

Do you have any idea what it takes to rock?
Every night every day every night
Plug us in and watch us pump out sound
Comin' to you so you won't have to leave town

This is the show
We are the band
Sometimes it just takes you by the hand ...

I'm embroiled (228 Pages Embroiled) in a Chick-Book at the moment: "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. I won't mention anything that happens, in case Juli's reading this and hasn't finished reading that, but let me go ahead and spoil the ending: There's Time Traveling Involved. Did I mention that, since my own computer's in the shop, I've had nothing to do, ergo I've read all those pages in about three or four days?

OK, so apparently I haven't updated as per the last test I had to take. This was with a law firm: Sagmen, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim & Taft. Not really, but I can't remember the non-Seinfeld ACTUAL string of names involved. It was kinda stupid, they had a lot of definition questions that I'd never had before. Like, they'd name a type of proofreading and I'd have to define what it was. No one had tested me on that before, I figured it was just implied that you'd know that if you were taking the FINAL final test. I dunno, I'll call on Monday and see where I stand. These fucks are really stringing me out here. I've got Employment Blue Balls like you would not believe!

I hung out with the nerds from my NaNoWriMo group again yesterday. I'm beginning to think this whole "Making Friends" thing is highly overrated. They're all just CRIPPLINGLY weird! There are only two normal ones there, but they're both kinda the Group Leaders of different sectors of the city and, thus, need to mingle with more of the group than just me. When I'm left alone with the freaks, I want to engorge myself in a whale's vagina just to escape.

There were, maybe, 15-20 people there at this cool little coffee shop (Tea Lounge) that was a buttfuck for me to get to. I took two different trains just to swing back around into Brooklyn again, I don't think I wanna go back. For example of the madness, there was four of us on a couch. A black guy named So-And-So from Seattle (who just so happened to move here the same time as me), a Gal who was short and unassuming (kinda nerdy with glasses, but kinda hot in a mysterious wearing-all-black sort of way), and an outrageously obese woman named Christina. While Fattikins was off getting cake (actually, it was a grilled cheese; cake would be less than an hour later), it was just the three of us, with Gal talking about how she's involved in some LiveJournal Role-Playing Writing Group (they pretend they're famous dead writers who masturbate with their thumbs up their asses). That seals it, even the semi-normal ones are such complete social outcasts that I honestly can NOT relate. -- Gal, listen, I used to be in a writing role-playing thing too, but that was back when I was in High School and they'd just cancelled Newsradio (I played Bill McNeal and I was the only damned one worth a damn in that group!). If you're a college grad, you've gotta find something else to do with your time.

I really can't handle these people. Originally I thought it'd be cool to hang out with writers, but now I realize that none of them actually take it seriously. Like, okay, I think the Novel In A Month thing is a quirky idea, a good way to jump-start some writing and maybe get lucky with a good idea. But, if that's the ONLY time you're writing throughout the year ... I dunno. And they're all very genre-specific, whereas I try to transcend genres a little bit. What's wrong with simply writing literary works sans catagorizing? LOTS of sci-fi geeks. It's bad.

So, why am I considering going to this Kick-Off party on Monday? Do I enjoy the novelty of torturing myself around people who are bigger misfits than even myself? I do have extensive experience in this realm; see: my entire Middle School Career. I just think I've grown beyond trying to be Leader Of The Nerds like I was in 6th through 8th grade. Now, I just kinda want to start kicking ass, but most of them are fat women and I don't think I could take them on in a 1-on-1 fight. Maybe if I distracted them with wedding cakes or something ...

I need to hang out with REAL writers. Ugly people with alcohol problems, cigarette addictions and gambling habits. THOSE are my people! Real writers don't write shit! They get popular, get rich, and then piss it all away; hiatuses for YEARS as they're living the degenerate lifestyle. Then, they get clean, age a few dozen years, and start sucking ass. Speaking of which, did you hear that Stephen King is gonna write a romance novel? Not a Zombie Romance Novel; not a love story between a futuristic alien and a cursed werewolf. I'm talking actual Harlequin shit. That makes me sad.

I saw Babel today. Same director who did 21 Grams. There was more Japanese bush in this movie than a Tokyo banzai garden, so that wasn't bad. I'm just not so sure I really cared much about the story at large. They followed four storylines that all interweaved with this one shooting; except the Japanese girl in one of the stories really had nothing to do with anything (it was just about the hardships of being a deaf/mute high school girl in Japan when no guy wants to fuck you because you're a deaf/mute). Then, there were the Moroccan children who actually did the shooting, and that was OK for a little bit; there was the Brad Pitt/Cate Blanchett part which wasn't all that involved (she sits there and bleeds for the bulk of the movie). The part I liked was of the Mexican housemaid of Brad and Cate, who had to take their two kids over the border because her adult son was getting married that day and no one was available to babysit. That was a GREAT story, because there's all this trouble with them getting back into the States, but it was hampered because the director chose to focus most of his time on the unrelated Japanese girl without the panties. We get it, you like hairy vaginas! Moving on!

Still no gas for cooking. I think I mentioned that Emily bought a box of 60 Eggo Waffles. Well, make that sixty ONE, as whoever was responsible for packaging accidentally put in an extra one. We're down to our final ... 15 or so and I'm ready to kill someone. All We Have To Eat Are Eggos!!! I'm not gonna lie to you, they're starting to taste really really waffle! That was a bad pun, I know, but I just can't leggo of how waffle these things are! In a moment of desperation, I tried to put a little mini-pizza in the toaster (while putting the toaster on its side). Lots of black smoke came out within seconds, so I aborted that mission.

I spent the last of my quarters today as I washed all of my clothes. The exterminator stopped by an hour earlier than he said he would, waking us all up at 9am this morning. Here's hoping that this is the end of our bedbug problem (though, I still contend I wasn't the one with the problem, nevertheless I'm here sharing in the misery).
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