October 15th, 2006


I Peed With Jim Gaffigan, and other stories of Eric & Steve Glory

So, we're there. Jimmy's Corner Bar (so-named not because it's on the corner, but because the guy who owns it - Jimmy - is an ACTUAL boxing corner man; in fact, he just worked that heavyweight fight this last week, acting as cut-man for the short black man who lost to the big-ass Russian). Eric wanted to go back to the room because it was nearly 2am and he had to be at work at 10. But, yet another random stranger in New York approached us and told us about the bar with "The Cheapest Drinks In New York." Now, come on, you can't pass up the chance to check out the place that's known as having the cheapest drinks in New York! So, I drug him the block and a half away and we sat down at the bar. Just for one beer (and a shot of Jager in support of Mark's birthday).

Eric and I are sitting there, checking out all the pictures of Jimmy posing with famous boxers (and boxing promoters), and I get up to go pee. That's when I see ... Jim Gaffigan.

Jim Fucking Gaffigan!

*Sigh* and that probably means you're saying, "Who?" OK, so you know the movie "Super Troopers"? Jim Gaffigan plays the driver of the car who's pulled over when they do the whole Meow thing. Anyway, Jim Gaffigan is a REALLY funny stand up comedian and he went into the bathroom just before me.

We peed at the Exact Same Time! He took the urinal, I was relegated to the stall. Now, it's poor form to talk to ANYONE when they're peeing, and I abide by this law, even when peeing with celebrities. I mean, you don't see ladies telling Maya Angelou that her poems kick ass when she's squatting to squeeze out a stinky brown one! It was pretty obvious that it was him - even though he wasn't wearing his trademark glasses - but I still found myself sneaking glances to make sure it was actually him. I even made it a point to wash my hands after peeing - something I'm pretty irregular about once I've had a fistfull of beer in me. Then, I went back out, sat next to Eric at the bar, and told him about my experience. He said, "Who?" and I explained it just like I did before. He walked over there, passed him on his way inside the bathroom, and confirmed the sighting (WITNESS!).

We made a deal - after we finished our beer - that Eric would take my picture with Jim (oh yeah, we're on a first-name basis now). Now, I'm of the ilk that I hate those asshole fans who expect celebrities to be at their beckon call just because they're famous. Screw that, man. That's not cool. So, after I chugged down my beer and most of Eric's, I walked over there and just asked him - while he was sitting at his table - if I could have my picture taken with him. I was really proud of myself that I didn't say, "Hey! You're Jim Gaffigan aren't you?"

Of course, I'm just mortified that I did say, "I think you're awesome." I ACTUALLY SAID THAT! I can't believe it. I said ... I think you're awesome. Whatever. He was really nice about everything, though. So, Eric took the shot, we shook hands, and that was that. I might've followed that up with "I think you're great," I don't know.


Eric's been in town since Monday; we finally got it worked out that we could hang out last night. Apparently, he's been busy worker man all week (working up to 16-hour days), so that sucks. Anyway, we met in Times Square outside of the Hard Rock Cafe and headed east toward 3rd Ave. We ate at The Black Sheep (where, later today, I'll be watching the Seahawks game), had a few Yuenglings (all on the company dime, compliments of Eric's job), and headed on down 3rd. We couldn't find anything, so about 8 blocks later we headed back west until we got to 5th Ave. There, we slipped into the Heartland Brewery just before last call and enjoyed what they dub "Over Time." So, if you order before last call, you can keep ordering drinks and shit for another hour without anyone else being let in.

I had the pumpkin ale here, so good. Anyway, we met this dude who used to live in Capitol Hill. His name was Kevin, but people call him Fry because he resembles the Futurama character. I don't know about that, but this dude YAMMERS like no one I've ever seen before. Eric and I were sitting at the bar and he just came up to order a drink for him and his fiance. Ten minutes later, he finally made it back to his party after telling us about how he used to snort sugar when he was a kid, about how he went to college in Tennessee for a bit before dropping out, and about how there's a CHANCE that the Fry character on Futurama is based on him (apparently, Matt Groening was at this bar one night and saw this Kevin dude telling a story to half the bar who was listening and ... I dunno, but his friends seem to think the two resemble each other).

Yeah, so we got kicked out of there after three or four beers and headed further west over to 8th Ave. This was a pretty big bust. The first bar we went to was playing disco, so we left without ordering. All was nearly lost until we found the Olympic Diner. Eric wanted a place where he could get alcohol as well as a slice of pizza (had I known that, I would've directed him to Pronto down on 41st, but at this time we were up on 48th and the night was nearing a close). We found lots of pizza places, but none that also offered beer. The Olympic Diner had beer! So, we ordered a Budweiser and some chicken strips. Fucking awesome. We had a window booth and saw this drunk dude totally fingering his girl through her jeans. And, some strange woman banged on the window and made like she recognized Eric. Fascinating.

After that, we were gonna head home. That is, until some strange dude told us about Jimmy's Corner Bar.
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