September 26th, 2006

Don't Hassle the Hoff

I Think I Found My Life's Motto

Maybe part of the problem IS the fact that I just happen to recall random quotes from The Simpsons at times when they're utterly, utterly appropriate. But, there was an episode where Bart is being admonished for something he's done and someone (probably Homer) told him to "promise me you'll try to be good," to which Bart replied:

I can't promise I'll try, but I'll TRY to try.

I'm convinced that's why it takes me a full week to sign up for that proofreading classes when I said last week, "Oh, I'll do it on Monday." Or, you know, why I'm forced to do things in painfully slow incriments. One week, I sign up for a checking account at WaMu, the next I finish my application for the temp agency, the next I sign up for the class. Long Term Goal Alert: Hoping to have gainful employment within the month of October (in Stevespeak, you'll want to look for me receiving my first paycheck sometime in the middle to late November).

How many of you have been able to say you've spent an eighth of your day on the telephone with one person? Well, from 1:30 to 4:30 today that was, once again, me. The first time from New York though. That's the best part about being unemployed. And, when you get BOTH people unemployed, well shit man. Forget it, your afternoon is BOOKED.

So, I heard a couple of our neighbors fucking last week. Why do I even BOTHER wearing headphones? I hear EVERYTHING that goes on in this neighborhood! It was two people - I think on our floor. Or, maybe upstairs, but either way I heard it coming from the outside hallway. We have new neighbors upstairs, a couple of girls, and now I can't shake the feeling that they're lesbians. First of all, one is fat and butt-ugly (this view coming from my peephole - oh yes, I'm going to evolve into one of those insane old men who sits perched by the door and watches all of his neighbors through the peephole when he hears someone walking about. Then, when they walk by my door, I'll open it up just wide enough to peek my head out and scowl at them until they leave my area). The other could be ugly, but I haven't gotten a look yet. Anyway, I've yet to see any random dudes coming or going.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Butt-ugly or not, you've got potential LESBIANS in your building making loud sex-noises! Yes, but really, does the illusion stand the test when you know one looks like a poor man's Rosie O'Donnell? A POOR MAN'S!

OK, so let's recap: I woke up, listened to some sports radio, talked on the phone, did the dishes, showered, ate frozen pizza, and looked at the Internet. I think I've earned a well-deserved break. Time to go to my Futon and wait for night to whisk me away to sleep.

God, even this post was a Try-To-Try job.
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