September 16th, 2006

Don't Hassle the Hoff

I Want My HGTV

Sean Lennon - I've never seen a bigger waste of genes in my life!

I just got my Rolling Stone magazine and, I'm sorry to say it, but I'm finally out of touch. It's true man, once you surpass age 24, you're too old to watch MTV! I never thought I'd see the day where I'm completely clueless about the winner of Video Of The Year. All I know about Panic At The Disco is that I didn't bring their album with me to New York, they're classified as Jessica & Kon Punk, and I would NEVER be able to pick these guys out of a lineup and recognize them as winners of Video of the Year. I mean, I'm looking through this simple two-page picture spread in Rolling Stone, and I have no IDEA who Avenged Sevenfold, James Blunt, or Fall Out Boy is (actually, Fall Out Boy is a character from the Simpsons, the sidekick to Radioactive Man; why a band would choose to name themselves after this character is BEYOND me). The only reason I know who OK Go is is because their video is on YouTube and I'm on there at least two hours a day because I have no TV of my own. And, like, when did Jared Leto get a singing career? Why does Fergie have her own album? Who thinks Three 6 Mafia is actually talented - aside from those who watch the Academy Awards and are bored to tears EVERY YEAR?

I can't stand it! I'm officially an Old Mother Fucker! Am I gonna be one of those old crotchety bearded assholes who walk around saying, "Back in MY day, rock music used to MEAN something! But, alas, rock music died the day Kurt Cobain stuck the double-barrelled shotgun in his mouth," just the way old crotchety bearded assholes used to say back in the 80s how rock music died with John Lennon - or, more specifically, the day the Beatles broke up.

No, I'm still fairly with it. Granted, all the new metal bands suck shit compared to those in my day (dammit, stop saying "my day"), but I like to think I have my finger somewhere near the pulse of what's happening in music. And, when I say "what's happening", I mean what's good. I have no idea if OK Go is any good, because I was too enthralled with their gimicky video work. Panic at the Disco never struck me as all that average, and Fall Out Boy seems to be loud, yelly, whiny punk rock that - let's spell it out now - S-U-C-K-S!

But, I'll tell you, it's a sad fucking day when bands are making music videos just so they can put them up on YouTube. How does MTV actually have the audacity to keep that moniker? You play a two-hour block between the hours of 4am and 6am and you're allowed to keep the name "Music Television"? Even though you get most of your revenue from crappy reality shows, you're not called CRStv? That's like me having a 9-5 as some banker or a vacuum salesman, then saying to people I meet, "Oh, I'm a chronic masturbator, that's what I do," when in reality, it's only two hours of my day, from 4 to 6am! Bull-Tish! I won't have this, MTV!

Then again, that's another reason why I'm old right there. Because I "Don't Get It." I'm not with it anymore, man. That's what happens, you stop understanding the rationale behind certain things the youth of today just take for granted. When you start asking Why, you're doomed.

Like, WHY should I care about bands and artists who are popular on MTV? When they BLOW so MUCH!!!
  • Current Music
    Brian Jonestown Massacre - Servo

Shots Fired On Halsey Street, One Man Down

I was inside my bedroom - two rooms from the front windows in Emily's room - and I had headphones on, listening to Brian Jonestown Massacre's Greatest Hits, and I heard 5 to 6 shots out in front of our building at about 2am. By the time Liz came in and said, "Emily and I just saw someone get shot!" I walked into Emily's room in time to see a black man get carted off in a stretcher after being strapped down.

Emily noticed an angry mob arguing in the street, then Liz came in and they saw another black man walking down the street with his shirt off. No one noticed the gun until they saw the lightning from the gun as the man aimed toward what appeared to be the ground. The man shot was blocked by a van parked on the street, but apparently he was hit twice, once in each leg. Two guys from an apartment across the street were taken into custody - though the shooter managed to run off. Emily - upon hearing the shots and seeing the flashes from the gun - dove away from her window. By the time she called 911, which was while she was still on the ground, the police were on the scene.

Some Italian detective just stopped by, took all of our phone numbers down and the information from Liz and Emily, then resumed his investigation with our next-door neighbor Wendy. I'm a little hungry, so I'm gonna go eat an orange.
  • Current Music
    Brian Jonestown Massacre - Nailing Honey To The Bee