September 5th, 2006


Hiding From The Hassidic Jews on Halsey Street

Everything I ever needed to know, I learned from South Park. Think about it, what would I REALLY know about Mormons, or the retarded, or why I can't seem to nail down the whereabouts of my underpants? South Park has taught me more than any other television show combined.

Like, what would I know about Hassidic Jews had I not seen the episode with Moses who looks like that computer program from Tron? Well, now I'd know that a small group of them own this building and many others like this building; I saw 'em yesterday afternoon.

I'm telling you, full-on garb down to their weird curly-cue hair/sideburn thingies.

Anyway, getting back, I don't technically live here. According to the lease, only Jenny and Emily live here. That's how we keep the rent so low, by hiding me and Liz whenever they decide to come around. Well, since I sleep in what's technically the Living Room, I can't very well go right up and answer the door when they beckon, now can I?

We've been having leaking problems. Well, we HAD leaking problems from the ceiling over the sink in the kitchen and the toilet in the bathroom. It's since stopped, but it has never really gone away since Jenny and Emily moved in. When they first got here, there was near flooding going on with the bathroom; they couldn't pee without using an umbrella. It was bad. We've got problem pipes in the building and they're just NOW getting around to fixing them. Only problem: the owners like to do a walk-through to see just what things are looking like in their property in times of crisis like these.

So, today I was ushered into Liz's room just before noon by Emily and told to keep quiet until they left. They saw me yesterday afternoon, they might think it a little weird to see me again this morning, sleeping by myself on the futon in the living room (of course, I could be someone who's just visiting, but what if they stop by again a month from now?).

Anyway, I'm hoping they don't come around for a while. Because, odds are, if my name needs to be added to the lease, the rent will go up.

In other news, we ran out of hot water. Sometime around Saturday evening, as I was taking a shower before that party, I noticed the hot water turn slowly freezing - I just figured it was because three girls had used the bathroom before me. But, when the hot water never returned: man, I'm boiling water to make iced tea! The last straggler (me) finally took a cold bath this afternoon. The girls had been filling the tub part way, then pouring boiling water into the mix; but it never gets warm enough. The owners said that they needed to buy more oil, because evidently our water is heated by oil, and it's supposed to be in there today. All I know is I couldn't hold out one more stinking hour, and my balls retracted into my body as a penalty.

No luck on finding a little writing-table at the Salvation Army, so I'll remain hunched over on my bed in the interim.