August 28th, 2006

Don't Hassle the Hoff

Look Who Got Off His Lazy Ass . . .

Obscene Bathroom Quote Of The Day: "Do you remember when girls sucked you dick. And men ate you pussy What have we become"

That's courtesy of Empire Pizza, right down the street from . . . you guessed it: The Empire State Building. Empire Pizza, with the gimondo slices of cheese pizza for only a buck fifty (the God damned "large" soda-that's-really-a-fucking-medium cost more than that!!! And these slices were almost bigger than my huge fucking melon of a head!)

Being the rube that I am, I was supposed to go into the city (we're talking Manhattan now, where it all HAPPENS) with Jenny this morning as she went into work. Figuring I'm sleeping in the room right next to the bathroom, SURELY I'd hear three girls getting ready for work within a 2-hour period. Well, I only heard one, fell back asleep, and don't call me Shirley. Thankfully, Jenny left me the keys and a note on how to use the Subway.

There's a stop right by the apartment, just a block and a half away. I would've known that and saved about ten minutes if I'd just followed the note Jenny left me. Since I didn't, I wandered around in the drizzle going, "Durr, which way do I go, which way do I go?" Yeah, that was fun. I don't have a jacket or an umbrella (and apparently, using an umbrella here isn't as frowned upon as it is in Seattle - even among the dudes here. Which I found surprising, since I am Ghetto Boy and all), so I'm finely coated with rainwater and sweat - because even though it's raining, it's still in the mid-70s and humid as a motherfucker.

So, once I stopped being an idiot, it took me no time to reach the train stop and slap myself in the forehead. Walked down the stairs and there's a person in a booth, followed by an ATM-like machine on the wall. That's where you buy your train pass. I think a train ride is like 2 bucks, and All-Day Fun-Pass is $7; you can also purchase by certain dollar amounts ($20, $40 worth of rides) or by certain time periods (weekly passes, monthly passes, etc). I got the 30-day pass, which runs $76. To put that in perspective, if each ride is $2, then I used up about $10 worth of rides just today.

The L-Train runs from East Brooklyn all the way into the heart of Downtown Manhattan. I guess, I don't know what it's officially called. I took the Union Station exit, which ran about 30 minutes off my day, maybe a little less. From there, I stopped off and got a salad at what I first assumed was a coffee shop. Nope, it was a Cafe. After that nice little $11 detour for a green salad and an iced tea, I made my way south to Washington Square. Dinked around there a little bit and, before I knew it, I was in Greenwich Village. This time, I found a REAL coffee shop, sat down and chugged mucho caffeine. I stayed and read the New York Daily News, made a couple phone calls, then decided it was time to do some more exploring. The caffeine got me nice and jittery, which I like, but it didn't seem to really energize me as much as I'd thought. I dunno, the lethargy continues.

I got ahold of Kon who told me whereabout the Empire State Building might be, so I walked from what would be about 14th St. up to 50-somethingth and 5th Ave. So, that was cool, but I wasn't about to hock off an arm and a leg to go up the fucking thing. That's when I stopped off for pizza and planned my next location of attack: Central Park.

Lookee here, this wasn't intended to be some fancypants tour of Manhattan. I just wanted to touch on some highlights to say, "Hey chickenfucker! I saw that!" So, I walked to Penn Station, entered on what appeared to be the wrong side for the train I wanted, found the correct side but had to wait 18 minutes (evidently, since I used my train card on the wrong side, I had to wait that time period before I could go through any of the turnstiles again - must cut down on people using the cards and then handing them to their friends to use right behind them). Penn Station is pretty fucking insane, but I managed to find my way around. Took the 1-Train up to 59th and Columbus, walked through a southern portion of Central Park, then got the hell outta there. I know, it was only 4pm at this point, but I wanted to get back before rush hour hit.

Donald Trump's name is on pretty much every building around Central Park, by the way. Too bad I didn't have time to give them all the finger. Found the F-Train, which took me back down near Union Station, then I transferred back to the L-Train and here I am.

I'm exhausted again, but at least this time I sort of earned it. I'll have to go back tomorrow and check out some more crap. Times Square and the like.
  • Current Music
    Michael Jackson - Remember The Time