And, in keeping with the ghost theme, I hereby devote this portion to a full scale Halloween Report:
I'll start off here with what everyone wants to know: What did Steven A. Taylor go as for Halloween?
There's a lot of history here in this question. For a little while there, I had a flurry of very solid Halloween costumes. Well, three anyway. Mr. T, Anna Kournikova, and Mr. Clean. My glory years. I like to think I Three-Peated as Halloween Champion in those years, but that's letting the ol' ego take over. There was a HUGE letdown last year that I won't really get into (though it DID amount to my getting some action, so I guess it wasn't all bad); so this year was to be my redemption. If I were to aspire to the level of the 70s Steelers and pick off an easy fourth championship, I really needed to strap on my A game. The idea was there (Giant Pumpkin Protesting Pumpkin Carving a la Anti-Abortion Activists), but time and money conspired against me. At the last minute, Jenny gave me the idea of being The Literal Manifestation of White Trash.
13 Gallon White Trash Bag over my torso (with arm and head holes)
13 Gallon White Trash Bag around my waist as a skirt of sorts
Random pieces of paper towels, magazine scraps, milk cartons and toilet paper attached all around my body via masking tape.
So, exactly TWO people actually got what I was going for without me explaining it. Everyone else saw the CLEAN toilet paper I wrapped around my glasses and called me "Toilet Paper Man." Though, when I corrected them and answered the "Who Are You Supposed To Be?" questions with, "I'm White Trash!" I got some pretty decent laughs.
In short, I'm not ready to claim a fourth championship, but I'll be ready next year to reclaim my throne.
Anyway, Jenny, Emily and I went into Manhattan to be in the big Halloween parade. Jenny made a pretty good looking deer mask out of a paper bag; and Emily was some ghost character from the movie "Spirited Away." I've never seen the movie, but apparently the ENTIRE ASIAN POPULATION has, because they kept going up to Emily all night asking for her picture. In fact, all three of us had cameras in our faces all night as we decided to march along with the giant skeletons, floats, marching bands, and other forms of madness. Jenny even got interviewed by some roving reporter. Off the hook.
So, I didn't really think about this going in, but when you decide to walk in the parade ... the view never changes. To counter this, Jenny and Emily decided to walk really super slow and let the bulk of the parade pass them by. I did this for a while too, but after about a half hour to an hour, I realized the fucking parade was too staggered, with huge gaps in between groups of people. Which was cool at first. I mean, there's like a block of nothing but me, Jenny, and Emily in our homemade costumes standing around waiting for the next wave to catch up with us - the people who had to just look at us must've felt ripped off something fierce. Oh yeah, by the way did I mention that there was an ASSTON of people lining the streets? After a while, I got tired of walking like a 90 year old man, so I ditched the two of them and went on ahead.
By the way, I've got two bones to pick with people. First of all, this growing sentiment that Halloween is ONLY a Kid's Holiday. Go fuck yourselves. If you can't get in the spirit of being LIKE a kid again, if only for one night, then take your sour grapes and shove them up your ass! Just because your poppa probably never let you trick or treat as a child, don't try to push your warped family values on the rest of us!
Secondly, in keeping, this IS primarily a Kid's Holiday regardless. At the parade, you know who's watching? Parents and their kids. So, all you little dumbfuck political protesters who just HAVE to horn your way into everything that generates a crowd, why don't you do us all a fucking favor and STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY HALLOWEEN! We don't care what a Fuck Up the president is, OK? We don't care about the Iraq Quagmire or the deficit or the lies and fear being propagated by the government to keep the people in line. On Halloween, all we care about is Costumes, Candy, Ladies With No Self Esteem Dressing Slutty, Ladies WITH Self Esteem Dressing Slutty, and Having A Good Time. Take the other 364 non leap-year days to preach your fucking cause, but don't fuck with my good time God Dammit!
ANYWAY, all in all, I did have a good time, but I had to get the fuck home. Since we weren't allowed to march with alcohol, I needed 50 cc's of Samuel Adams Oktoberfest Ale. Plus, my back was killing me due to standing and walking for the better part of a million hours; AND all the clothes I was wearing underneath the plastic bags was DRENCHED in sweat. Uhh, plastic don't breathe like cotton there Ace.
Good to know.