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14 August 2007 @ 09:03 am
I think I slept for an hour somewhere in there, but who knows? I woke up face down in a pillow of drool with a hard on for pissing and an appetite for something cold. Ever since then I've been sitting here, my head floating in the clouds of insomnia; I'm not really tired but I'm far from energetic.

I seem to be incapable of writing anything I'm particularly proud of right now. Either I've lost whatever ability I had, or I'm officially in a Sexson-like funk. The only problem is, unlike ol' Richie boy, I'm not really putting in the work to get out of it.

My solution, my only real means of improving as a writer, has always been to simply continue writing. As much, as possible. And while this pays the bills, and The Forward Pass gives me my expository fix, my one hand-on-heart passion has always been fiction. And right now it's just not coming to me.

I wish I had more flexibility in my life right now. My roommate has been out of the country this past week since I returned from Chicago (he'll continue to be gone through the rest of this month), and I've gotta tell you, it's been quite a thrill to have the place to myself. See, ever since ... well, ever since ever, I've been living with people. Home, dorms, my year in and around Steven's Court, home again, living with Jake, living with the girls, living here: always living with one or more. It's always been a rare opportunity to be "At Home" and be alone. Now, I've kinda leaned on that crutch of living with other people because I've always been afraid of the potential for loneliness to creep in and overwhelm. But, what I've realized since living here - what with the fact that my roommate and I don't really see each other very often - is that I'm quite comfortable by myself once I get used to the idea. And what I've realized since my roommate went away on vacation is that I'm quite comfortable sitting in my underwear with my bedroom door open and the volume on my computer at such a level that would potentially keep awake someone sleeping the next room over.

But, I'm stuck in this fuckin' room until I'm shit out of debt and ready to support my White Castle habit without taking out a second mortgage on the house. I don't even know what that means, but I'm pretty sure I'll be spending my birthday in this very same spot. That's 7+ months here at LEAST. Christ, I need this summer vacation to end so I can get that cabbage rolling in.

In the meantime, it's fucking 9am and I don't see any end in sight. I've pounded out ten episodes of Rescue Me over the course of the day here and season 2 is at 90% complete.
 
 
Current Mood: Unbathed
Current Music: Chris & Rich Robinson - Leave It Alone