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11 April 2007 @ 11:11 pm
I'm feeling really on-edge right now; it's like there's some impending doom on the horizon that I'm not prepared for.

I shouldn't be so anxious right now; things may be in a period of transition, but there's plenty to be happy and excited about. I've got enough money to pay off my debt, though I'm gonna wait until I get at least $2000 in savings on top of that first. If I can hold my job through April, I'll be in good shape on that end; if I can somehow keep it through May (highly unlikely in my skeptical mind), I'll be set for a while. If not, then I can only assume that my temp agency has enough going for it to get something for me right after. I've got cheap housing coming my way; the move shouldn't be stressful since I don't have much stuff. I'm going home in July for three weeks. The weather is improving. I'm in a strong position right now, for the first time since I moved out of my dad's place.

Still, that's more Ifs than I care to see when it comes to summarizing my personal current state of affairs. For as excited as I get for change and all that, I need some semblance of stability to function on a day-to-day basis.

I've been trying to distract my mind from these things through hobbies. Downloading TV shows and movies, working on Sycophant Picnic, updating my personal writing website. Actually, that's been really quite fruitful. Check it out if you get the chance:

http://seamus.ragingfury.com/

I have to clean some things up, make it all validated, fix the tags (boring HTML stuff), but it's all right there (except for the novels). There's probably more stuff up there than there needs to be (something over 100 pieces of writing by yours truly, anywhere from a quarter of a page on up to 30 or so pages), but if nothing else I find it interesting to see what I've been up to all these years and how I've progressed. Really, it's only interesting to me because I'm a narcissist - hence why I write in this journal so much - and I'm too in love with my own writing, but I also enjoy the fact that it's a timeline of my professional writing career. I can look at the list of writings and see where I was in mindset at certain times of my life. Plus, I'm anal retentive, so I get off on organizing my writing to the most specific detail. I'm sure more catagories will pop up in the near future.

I read in the paper the other day that for people who are stressed out - especially those who have trouble sleeping - it helps to write out your thoughts. Just getting words down on a page will immediately make you feel better. Right now, my anxiety from the beginning of this post has cooled off.