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25 February 2007 @ 01:02 am
I wear a lot of Axe Body Spray. Only, I live in a black neighborhood, so it's called Ask Body Spray. If you don't laugh at that joke, you are not a racist.

Zach Galifianakis is just a stage name. My real name is Chad Farthouse. Farthouse is a Dutch name. My family used to make ovens.

This is something you never want to whisper to your girlfriend: "I'm gonna perform a jihad on your pussy."

My girlfriend is black. I don't want to be stereotypical or anything, but she's got the biggest dick I've ever seen.

I'm sorry you guys, sometimes when I drink my southern accent comes out and I start saying things like y'all ... and nigger.

Sometimes, I like to go up to skateboarding guys in the park and say, "Hey, did you guys get the new Sheryl Crow album yet?"

Sometimes I'll be thinking to myself in the supermarket and then I'll stop and go, "That is SO Raven!" And then other times, I'll do something and I'm like, "That wasn't very Raven."

Maybe that's why I got divorced. Because I tried to finger my wife while she was doing her chores ... Maybe it was because I gave her chores, I don't know!



{{That last one was from a guy named A. D. Miles. The rest was from the Zach Galifianakis set. I'll have moron tonight when I'm not so tired.}}
 
 
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