There are many different ways to do the White Elephant Exchange for Christmas parties, but really there's only one.

The one that involves luck and skill almost equally (at times). The one where you can steal presents, rendering the victim disconsolate as they try to choose in their shattered daze whether to test the ugly waters for a Mystery Gift, or steal something lesser from someone around them.

It's always funny, no matter who you're with. You can even be with co-workers like I was yesterday at the Fox Sports Grill. It's funny to see what people brought; sometimes it's cool, sometimes it's whatever junk they could find and wrap up the quickest. Sometimes, it's one of the very few men in your office opening a box full of items like a book called, "100 Ways To Keep Your Man" and a little vial of lip gloss and an aromatherapy candle.

It's also funny to see what gets stolen.

I had the great fortune to be the 2nd to Last person to choose. Could've been a curse though, because the rules are as follows:

You get a number, and you go in order of the numbers (like a Deli). You can either open a gift from the pile of gifts, or you can steal something that's already been opened (obviously, the person who picks first HAS to open a gift; but they get a chance at the very end to steal). The catch is, once a gift has been stolen twice, it's "Frozen" and can't be stolen again.

So, picking near the end COULD be bad, if the gift you really want has already been taken twice.

The great thing about doing this with co-workers - as opposed to friends or family - is that there's a little more courtesy involved. Inevitably, everyone gets into the spirit of friendly larceny, but usually not until at least half the presents are opened and most of the people are stuck with what they got. I know from experience of doing this with friends that the best present could be opened first and stolen twice in the next two turns, so going near last would be a curse.

Anyway, a lot of the crap was lame. Candles seem to be a very standard gift. Stuffed animals were up there. Someone brought a glass rooster that - for a moment - many thought was a bong. I wrapped up two books I've read and didn't really care for, in very good condition, and they ended up getting stolen once which was cool I guess.

For me, it came down to one of three choices. The first: open one of the remaining couple of gifts. There was NO way that was happening. Last year I got roped into opening a gift and it ended up being a $5 Starbucks card (of which I get many, all the time; they give them away at my work like candy on Halloween) and a VHS tape of some movie I didn't like (not to mention I don't even have a fucking VCR).

The second choice was made for me. Pretty early on in the going someone opened up a set of ice molds. You fill them up with water, put them in the freezer, and when they're ready, you've got shot glasses made of ice. PERFECT for your friendly neighborhood alcoholic! They sat over there in the corner of the room (there were about 40 of us in all) for a good 25 rounds or so in the hands of a woman who CLEARLY didn't like what she'd opened.

Being in the presence of co-workers, I figured these were as good as mine. Who's going to be the one to admit they enjoy the taste of 8 frozen shots of whiskey all lined up in a row? Believe you me, I was already making plans for these beauties as the minutes wore on into hours.

Then, the awful chain reaction. The Washington State Cougar in my office had her gift stolen (she'd opened hers before the shot glasses were revealed). Who else would steal my beloved shot glasses? So, there they were, but I figured I was still in good shape as we plowed into the 30s. I could still steal them and they'd be mine for sure. Then, someone else had her gift stolen (after she'd previously stolen it from someone else) and my doom was sealed a good 8 or so spots from my turn.

As we got to the end, the coolest gifts were Frozen, but I was still determined to make my choice a steal. Midway through the event, someone opened up a bag and inside this bag was a collection of 6 Christmas Tree Ornaments. It was a complete set from the Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Christmas special. The interest of my Inner Child was piqued.

Approximately 10 spots before it was my turn, these ornaments were stolen. Gifts were flying out of the hands of their owners hot and heavy by this point, so I figured there was no way the ornaments would hang on. Little did I know that the generosity of the many would benefit the cruelty of Me. It was apparent that the rest of the people in the office didn't want to steal them from the mother of small children.

You know who IS willing to steal from the mother of small children? The owner of a complete set of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Christmas Ornaments, that's who!

Since I last wrote about the Mariners, they hired a new 3rd Base Coach (I guess he was lacking in the skill of doing the windmill motion with his arm as runners rounded for home), re-signed Jack Wilson to be our defensive lock at Short Stop, shuffled some scouting positions, lobbied for Edgar's inclusion in the Hall of Fame, participated in some sort of GM-only meetings that are the precursor to the "Winter Meetings", and re-signed Ken Griffey Jr. to another 1-year contract in the same vain as last year's 1-year contract. Incentive-based, attendance-based. He seems to be happy with the direction and I'm not as down as most on his bat as long as he's not the everyday DH (which, it appears, he won't be). The man still gets on base, can still hit the occasional homer, and you may call chemistry underrated, but his presence alone did wonders for this team last year.

Now they've offered arbitration to Adrian Beltre. Even after realizing that he's not a Type-A free agent (which would give us 2 high draft picks should he spurn our offer and sign with another club), but instead a Type-B (which would give us 1 high draft pick yadda yadda yadda), I think this is a good move.

Granted, his bat wasn't spectacular last year, but he WAS pretty banged up. Most of the first half of the season was dedicated to a constant, nagging shoulder injury that he ended up getting surgery on ... and he STILL came back with enough left in the season to have a testicle shattered, go on the DL, and come back to play AGAIN. This surgery happened right around the midpoint of the season, and up until the day before he went under the knife, he was on a tear, hitting the ball all over the place. I'm sorry, but you try hitting major league ball with one arm and one giant, swollen testicle and let's see how you do.

Beltre is not the hitter that brought him here in the first place. He's not a 40+ homer, .325-hitter. He'll give you anywhere from .260 to .290, and if he's healthy he's good for 20+ homers and 90+ RBI. That, with his Golden Glove, and yeah, I think it's worth the $12 million he'd get in arbitration. Essentially what he made last year. For one season? Why not?

Of course, most likely he won't want to return. The dude's had it rough since signing originally. He was one of Bavasi's pillars in that free agent bonanza the last time the Mariners had serious dick-swinging money. It's only because Richie Sexson was so fucking awful that Beltre didn't catch more heat for his limited productivity after that final "Contract Year" with the Dodgers. Still, Mariners fans certainly came around to Beltre once they realized what he actually was. Solid defense will sell just about any baseball fan.

But, he can still play. He can still tear the cover off the ball, as the cliche goes. It wouldn't surprise me to see him go to a more hitter-friendly situation, likely in the National League. Why not a place like St. Louis? I don't know what their 3rd base situation is like over there, but that feels like a good fit, what with their short porch and tradition for winning. Hell, maybe the Phillies could woo him. I dunno.

In other news, get ready, because the Winter Meetings are going to prove to be the Seattle Mariners show. Trader Jack is on the hunt for the final Outfield piece to make ours the best defensively in baseball. We're also on the prowl for a Number 2 starter (John Lackey's name has been thrown around), a couple infield spots (possibly 3rd and 2nd base), and hopefully to re-sign Russell The Muscle Branyan to a 2-year deal. I think the man's earned it, in spite of his proclivity to strike out. And, we've got hard-throwing arms in the bullpen to trade. You've probably seen the last of Brandon Morrow in a Mariners uniform as well. Everyone but minor league phenom Carlos Truinfel seems to be on the block; and I bet even he could be had for the right deal.

The Mariners are one of the few teams with the most money to spend this year not located in New York or Boston. You take those two juggernauts out of the picture, and the Mariners might be at the top. $50 million or so has come off the books. This should be exciting. God I can't wait for Spring Training.

I like lists. Who doesn't enjoy a good list? But, I've found that I get more accomplished when I've got a To-Do List following me around than when I'm simply left to my own pea-brained devices.

So, in no real particular order, I'm presenting (mostly for myself) a To-Do list of things I want to get done ... within a year. Let's go with that.

1. Transfer all movies and TV shows from data discs to one central location (external hard drive)

2. Finish updating my website

3. Buy a good netbook with an 11-inch screen

4. Out of debt

5. Write my Christmas Story

6. Write the Thanksgiving podcast

7. Write the H.A. LJ Post

8. Read "Blood Meridian"

9. Work on a new collection of short stories (tentatively titled "Scum of the Earth"; altho probs not since that's already the title of another book)

10. Buy a new computer, get rid of the old one and the laptop

11. Compile a database of Literary Magazines & Awards to send stories to

12. Aristocrats Podcast

13. Another Politics Podcast

14. Upload Music Podcast

15. Rapper's Podcast

... ... ...

I was a slobbering, grabasstic drunk on Saturday, most likely facing any number of credit-card related sexual harassment lawsuits.

Remember that time where I drank all that booze and forgot how to walk without falling down? At least I have this massive growth of hair to cover up any minor-yet-noticable head wounds! Oh, wait.

Let's see. That's a 30 to 0 victory for the Huskies. From what I understand, the line finished at 24.5 points ... my gut has done it again! My track record in gut-feelings when it comes to gambling has proven time and again to be 100% wrong! I tell you, I'm feeling like the Indianapolis Colts here, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat late in the contest every week. I don't know if I'll go undefeated in a lifetime, but by gar the odds are in my favor!

I couldn't tell you much about the game, luckily that's why the Seattle Times employs someone who's not a raging alcoholic. I can tell you that it was a struggle, but I got my ticket for 45 bucks from some sucker. I can tell you that Chipwich smuggled in a flask that we dumped into some soda for a raucus 2nd half; as well as a few cans of beer, as apparently the security detail wasn't particularly secure in their detail. So, by the time I walked out of that stadium in all my delirium, I could barely hold myself upright or find my way to the parking lot were it not for the gaggle of streaming fans leading the way.

I can tell you that the elements, combined with my rabid intoxication, turned me into a depth perception-less clod on the Beer Pong field. I had one good game where I connected on 5 out of 6 cups, and that was the first game I participated in. I don't think I hit 5 shots the rest of the day after that! Lance Peteman doesn't know how lucky he was to avoid being on my pong team on Saturday.

Which is a nice little segue into This Fantasy Moment, brought to you by New York Steve's Live Journal Experience. It's boring, it's profane, it's consistently pointless in every way! It's the Steven A. Taylor Endeavor (now with more pussy jokes!)

Yes, I know, it's a shame I have to be a sponsor to my own weekly segment, but that's what happens when you have a fantasy week as bad as mine. Lost Matt Ryan after 1 series and only 1 point scored. Everyone else (except for the usual Peyton Manning, Dallas Clark, and I guess Ryan Grant - who simply met expectations as opposed to the other two exceeding them) underachieved against matchups that should've been in my favor. How does the Cincy D only get one sack and no turnovers vs. Cleveland? How does Houshmandzadeh get me under 4 points against the Rams? Why is Larry Johnson taking Bernard Scott's carries? I have no idea, but I suppose the better question is: is this the week The Lance Petemans get off the schnide; or will he find another way to lose a fantasy contest? Everyone better watch out for the Space Rednecks and Wolfpack. They're charging hard towards a strong playoff run and could very well be the Championship matchup when all is said and done.

As for the rest of my weekend, let's see. I passed out around 8pm on Saturday. It wasn't pretty. I crawled out of bed to throw up around 7am, then managed a long drive home after spending the night tossing and turning in Colin & Juli's spare bedroom. Sunday was one big hangover. Football in HD and all that. Well worth it, I say. God damn those Cougars.

All I'm saying is, now would be an excellent time for a Cloverfield or two to start laying waste to the mental defectives lining the streets of downtown Seattle for some After-Thanksgiving Day Parade. Or, maybe they just like lining the streets at 6 in the morning, hauling down their fold-out chairs and their bundled children looking miserable as all hell.

There is a psychotic number of people around me right now. Not just the shoppers and the Party Parade People, but in my office as well. I was expecting a desert and instead I've got Springtime at the Oasis. Christ.

My hope was to get as little work done as possible, take a nap or two, and cut out a little after noon. Instead, I'm saddled with calls, appointments to make calls, and breathing down my neck. So much breathing. I hate the Friday after Thanksgiving. I hate it more than ever.

Thanksgiving, by the way, ceases to be a holiday when you have to work the next day. I'm telling you that right now. Instead of being a holiday, it's just a fucking nuisance in the middle of the fucking week that screws up your sleep schedule.

I don't like saying it, because Thanksgiving ... man, there's nothing bad about Thanksgiving (in theory). You've got football on TV, you've got copious amounts of food you generally don't get throughout the year, you've got lying down on the couch, lots of napping, and even general conversation with family. And if you're like me, then you can pick and choose who you have your Thanksgiving with, so you won't have to be surrounded by people who annoy you. It's a good thing.

But God Dammit! The football was God-awful yesterday! My alcohol consumption was limited to one glass of wine because who can enjoy a night of drinking when you have to work the next day? I couldn't even treat it like last year and just work one hungover day because I knew I actually had work to do. And my commute is 5 times as long, so getting sick on the bus this morning was absolutely not an option.

It's all wrong. This day is all wrong.

By the way, that Fred Meyer Sock Sale is without question the worst shopping opportunity I've ever seen. The best deal they can advertise is a 32-inch TV for, I dunno, $300 or something. Seriously? Kiss my ass with your cheap socks!

God, could you imagine it though? Working in Retail on Black Friday?

I know the one major plus side - for those working on commission - is that you make hella-money. But Jesus, opening the doors at 5:30am? Dealing with the mobs, the needy, tired mobs running around demanding this and demanding that? Stampedes, pushing & shoving, crying and yelling and fighting? Good GOD no thank you. I'm pretty sure Hell has something major to do with working the Electronics Department at Walmart on the Friday after Thanksgiving in a Tough Economy.

Every year I keep giving consideration to the notion: maybe I'll do Black Friday just this once. You know? Just to see what it's like. I'll buy all the newspapers, pull out all the ads for all the presents I want to buy, jot down a schedule of which stores I've got to hit at which times of day in order of importance, wake up at 3am, throw on sweat pants and three overcoats, carpool with my three closest girlfriends as we gossip about the latest goings on in the tabloids, shift my weight back and forth in some Line of the Damned conjuring up visions of that crazy woman in that commercial who puts her face up to the glass doors chanting, "Open-open-open-open", then when they finally do, bowl over everyone in my path like George Costanza in a fire, following the map I've created from days of scouting, tripping those who also have eyes for that super cheap DVD player, throwing junk into my shopping cart like those maniacs on Supermarket Sweep ...

The more I consider it, the more I want to break my own legs just so I won't even be tempted.

$24.95 for the Lobster Buffet at Emerald Queen Casino Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 4pm to 10pm. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, I could pretty much eat all the lobster the sea has to offer. Ergo, I say someone needs to go with me asap so we can take this down before the fools at the Emerald Queen realize the folly of their ways.

Today is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. If you're like me, you thought about finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pertty pink panties last night while drifting off to sleep and subsequently had a delightful rest. Only to wake up this morning to realize that you'll be (most likely, if they know what's good for 'em) let off work 2 hours early for the big Holiday Bonanza. Bully.

I'm thinking of buying a beer pong table to keep around the house this holiday season. Sort of like the one Juli and Colin have, except it'll be mine, and in Tacoma almost exclusively. See, these are the games I LIKE to play when I'm drinking. Plus, let's face it, I've got to improve. So help me, if I'm forced to Troll Under The Goddamned Bridge it this Saturday ONE MORE TIME, I swear to Christ in Hell I will explode with unbridled fury all over everyone's asses!

So, I'm gonna be cooking up a special Holiday Post over the weekend if I get a chance. I've got tonight, all day tomorrow (but, more realistically, just tomorrow night) and Friday night. I think it'll be pretty sweet, but now that I've talked about it - even obliquely - it'll probably never get done.

I need to at least TRY to refrain from Thanksgivingitis today in hopes of getting some semblance of work accomplished, but it's so damned hard. I mean, it's not like I have a 4-day weekend to look forward to. I'm telling you what, though, Friday is going to be as craptacular as ever. I'm pretty sure I could run around here screaming naked and wouldn't draw a bit of attention. Because no one in their right mind is working on Friday but me. And yet, for some oddball fucking reason, we just HAVE to keep the office open even though everyone Goddamn knows no fucking work is going to get done on fucking Friday! It's fucking rediculous! They'll be lucky to get a half-day out of me. A half day of sitting here, twiddling my fucking thumbs. Christ. Just give us the fucking 4-day weekend already!

Rejected Post Titles:

1 - Fingerbang-bang You Into The Night
2 - Rally 'Round The Family, Pocket Full Of Shells
3 - There Is Nothing More Attractive Than A Good-Looking Lady Wearing A Skirt With Boots In The Dead Of A Pacific Northwest Winter

Power went out last night. Fortunately, I only woke up 90 minutes late and showed up to work only 73 minutes late.

I'm not gonna lie to you, all I want to do right now is watch football in HD. That's it. That is my passion. If I could do that for a living - even if I was LITERALLY paid in peanuts - sign me up. Ask your friends and co-workers. If anyone is in the market for hiring a lazy oaf who'll sit around on their comfortable couch and watch football in HD, let them know I'm available. I guarantee they won't be sorry.

I think I've talked too much shit about Fantasy Football, by the by. That's destined to backfire on me. I'm sure I'm doomed to another first-round exit.

I could not be more looking forward to the Apple Cup this week. I hear there's even word of getting there EARLIER than 11am for the tailgate. I'm not gonna lie to you about this either: drinking before 11am is my second favorite thing to do behind watching football in HD. I should put an ad up on Craigslist: Drunken Lazy Oaf Seeks Employment, willing to watch football in HD and get drunk before 11am. Requires 401K and health benefits. Will start asap and bring my own 40s.

I'm making caramel apples (get it? caramel apples :: Apple Cup ...). My initial thought was to bring 20, but I was advised to cut that down to 12 (as people are likely to cut them up and share), so I figure that'll be a good amount. I'm working on some different things to add. I figure I'll make 3 with just caramel; 3 with chopped nuts; 3 dipped in sugar (just the tops, not submerged); and then I was thinking about taking 3, letting them cool all the way in the fridge, then the next day melting some chocolate and having Chocolate-Covered Caramel Apples. That sounds like it might just be the best idea ever invented (notice I didn't say that I invented it; but nevertheless it is man's greatest invention).

By the way, I heard on the radio this morning; 26 points? The Huskies are favored by 26 points? Who in their right mind is believing that the Huskies are going to win by 26, in a rivalry game, in what is likely to be pisspoor weather, with OUR defense? The level of insanity involved in conjuring up that line is off the charts. Rivalled only by the fool willing to put up his own money on the Dawgs covering.

Just a word to the wise: Steven A. Taylor's brain AND gut is saying the Dawgs will never cover the spread. Best bet the farm against him.

Then again, the Cougars ARE pretty awful ...

Live music is inherently frustrating to watch, because there's a difference between being Good and being Dynamic.

For the sake of this argument, we'll stick with the Rock N' Roll segment of live music. A prevailing option most bands choose to pursue.

And, for the sake of this argument, we'll stick with bands that haven't quite hit that Top 40 status.

Being a fan of music is being a fan of trends. Because all musical genres come in waves of popularity. In the 80s, you had Metal - both Hair (Van Halen) and Heavy (Metallica); in the 90s, you had Alternative (Red Hot Chili Peppers) and Grunge (Nirvana); then the late 90s gave way to Rap/Rock (Korn) and a resurgence of Singer/Songwriter (Jewel); around the turn of the century you got a steady dose of Garage Bands (The White Stripes) and Dance Rock (Franz Ferdinand). Now, it's Indie Band (Death Cab), Indie Band (Modest Mouse), Indie Band (Vampire Weekend). Some are, obviously, better than others (Vampire Weekend sucks).

Now, as a fan of music, you're generally going to be getting on somewhere near the beginning of the Ground Floor of these trends. If you're an obsessive, blog-writing freak, then you'll end up reading about most bands before you've even heard them play. You tend to go to a lot of local shows and you tend to stop listening to bands once they've achieved radio airplay and/or a slot showcasing their music on a hip, youth-oriented television show.

If you're like me, you tend to get on a little later, like when you've heard them on the radio or have bands recommended to you.

If you're like the rest of the free world, you hop on the trend-wagon when all the imitators start popping up (hence the popularity of bands like Winger, Bush, Godsmack, P.O.D., the Shins, and Joss Stone).

All of the above-referenced musical trends of the last 30 years have their bright spots and their glaring weaknesses. I refuse to make a blanket statement that all Hair Metal is awful, or that all Rap/Rock is crap. Indeed, a lot of it is; but then again, a lot of any rock genre is crap if you pore through the haystack trying to find the ample amount of hay.

I don't think any genre of rock music is more annoying, however, than this Indie craze we've settled upon. It's annoying because, for the most part, it's relentlessly upbeat. It's poppy while maintaining a disdain for Pop Music. It's a genre of music I SHOULD like - and indeed, I do find many of the bands under this umbrella quite enjoyable - but through its ubiquity, I can only find it tiresome and resent it accordingly.

It's good, but not DYNAMIC.

You can see any of these types of bands play on any given night at any given bar and come away underwhelmed. It's not that they're bad at what they do; they're just bland at what they do.

The whole idea behind Rock N' Roll - at its core - is to reject conformity. While everyone else is listening to THIS, we're going to play THAT and totally freak out the squares and whatnot. It's unfortunate to come to the understanding that, most bands who are trying to Make It, do nothing BUT conform in an attempt to get a record deal or whatever.

But that's not even the worst of it. That's just sort of a given in any given trend-wave. The worst of it is the fact that these Indie bands are BORING.

They stand up there in front of the audience, everyone very clean-cut and proudly sporting their hipster garb, they play their jangly 3-chords and smile for the microphone, they spout their clever nonsense lyrics and bop around ... it's sickening! Give me some emotion! Give me that passion that got you into playing music and starting a band! I mean, say what you want about any of those cheesy rock and/or metal bands with their constant posing and 14-year old outcast lyrics; at least they sound like they've got a soul!

Playing music, being in a band ... the last thing on your mind should be coordinating outfits and singing coherently. You gotta be there ready to rock or God damn it, don't bother coming at all.

I guess you could do the whole thing in chronological order, but that's no fun. So, let's switch it up and do it according to Most Exciting thru Least Exciting.

This one slots together pretty good. The Number 1 Pick in the MML-S Excitement Draft goes to The Hammer for buying a 46-inch Samsung LCD TV. We went to Video Only before hitting up Sears and not only did they match the 10% discount my dad would've gotten by using his Sears card, but they threw in the 2-year warranty at no cost. Gotta say, that was pretty sweet.

There was a minor debate between sticking with the 46-inch TV, or jumping up to the 50-something inch. The pro for the bigger TV being: it's bigger. The cons, however, proved to be too much. There was a significant price-spike. The TV we got - its ticket price, as they say - was $1099. Before discount and all that. Any decent 50-something incher you get, you're going to have to add about 4 or 5 hundred.

Another con, however, you might not have seen coming: it's bigger.

Yes, see, the plan all along was to put this TV in the Living Room and mount it to the wall behind where our old TV sat. A 46-incher just so happens to be the perfect size (yes, that's what she said). Anything bigger would simply be too big.

So, that was Sunday. Most of the afternoon was dedicated to The Hammer mounting the TV to the wall and me staying out of the way. By the time the Late Game started, we had the power on, the speakers connected, and the channels auto-tuned or whatever the terminology would be.

I'll say this, I've been badmouthing Hi-Def for years, mostly because I fear change. But MOSTLY because, I just didn't see the point. I've been watching the same bubble-type screens for years and I have yet to have a problem with TV (aside from that whole Rots Your Brain thing). HOWEVER, that having been said, if you're familiar with the layout at The Hammer's, you know that we have a little 13-inch TV in the kitchen that swivels around to the Living Room so, when there are multiple sporting events going on at the same time, you can watch them both. So, I had the little TV turned toward the Living Room because Indy was playing Baltimore on CBS in the morning. It just so happened to be tuned to NBC for the Late Game when we finally got the new TV up and running.

Worlds of difference. My GOD. It was like the little TV was set in a permanent fog. Never have I seen such a striking contrast in quality.

I mean, yeah, you go to an electronics store, and they'll have that side-by-side comparison: One half of this TV is in HD, the other is not ... blah blah blah. It never looks all that different (or, at least, it doesn't look $1,000 different). But yesterday, man, I saw the $1,000 Difference.

OK, so before we get to the Number 2 Pick in the MML-S Excitement Draft, a word from our sponsor:

This Fantasy Moment, brought to you by Matt W. Roarty's Stinky Cheese Microbrew. Get Shitfaced By Beer That Smells Like Shit!

I'm pretty sure we can just go ahead and anoint me with the status of Playoff Team, thanks to my gutty victory over Queso de Cabeza this week. Like so many others, I had no business winning this week, yet just enough players got just enough points for me to pull through with the 5-point win. Sure, it may have been ugly, but a win is a win. Big ups to Matt Ryan for finally outscoring Peyton Manning; couldn't have done it without you. Also, Ryan Grant. Everyone scoffed at me for drafting you, but look at me now! Sims-Walker continues to be one of (if not THE) best waiver wire pickups of the year. I almost had a fit when the Bengals gave up that late touchdown to the Raiders, costing me a solid 8 points I could ill afford to lose. But, fortunately, the Bears defense kept the vaunted Brent Celek in check. So, go Bears I guess. Three more weeks before I inexcusably crumble in the playoffs. Still, it's an honor just to get there.

After that, the weekend takes a significant nosedive in the Excitement Department. I guess Number 3 goes to seeing a friend of Jake's play in a band in the back room of some clothing shop in Downtown Tacoma. It was their Record Release Party and maybe (probably) their last show ever. Questionable timing to release an EP I suppose, but it was pretty fun nevertheless.

Then, shit, I dunno. Played Scattergories with my brother and his girlfriend on Friday night. Went to Best Buy to price external hard drives as potential Christmas presents ($90 for a 350-gig Seagate was the best deal I could find). I picked up the reissue of Nirvana's Bleach. A certain 2009 version of a football team who I'm no longer going to talk about played what some may describe as a "football game". I think there was a Senate vote to determine whether or not there would be a future Senate vote on Health Care. Good God, tell me how that last sentence makes any sense! Oh, and the death of Saturday Night Live continues. Remember when they used to have jokes? Boy, I sure don't.

Lost in all the hullabaloo of this weeklong mourning period was:

Oh yeah, I forgot. Nothing's been going on.

I did manage to plop down a wild-eyed $1300 towards the debt. I've done a bit of rearranging of the deck chairs on the Titanic and discovered that it's entirely probable that I'll have my credit card paid off with my second paycheck in January (as opposed to February).

Of course, I left a few holes in my Long Term Budget Plans for incidentals (Holidays, birthdays, fests of one variety or another), and in taking a closer look ... I'm probably not going to spend $1,000 on Christmas. That's probably a figure I could put towards something more important.

I've also moved up the point of Total Freedom from June to May. Essentially, it's going to look like this:

$1600 in December, $1600 in January, $1300 in February, $1600 in March, $1600 in April, $1700 in May.

I don't know where I'm going to pull that extra hundred out, but I know it'll be there. If nothing else, my budget doesn't account for my tax return, so I'll have that to look forward to.

Incorporating that rate of savings, it'll be interesting to see how much I'll be able to hold onto in the months after May. Obviously, there will be months after May where I'm holding the fort in Tacoma, putting cabbage in the bank. I'll need money for 1st/Last/Deposit. Plus any furniture/dishes/otherstuff I'd need upon moving out into my own place for the first time. Plus, it's just a good idea to have extra money lying around. If I keep it around $1600 per month after that, there's no telling how much I'll have racked up. By the end of the year, I'd have over 10 grand. Now THAT'S a chunk of change.

2010 will obviously be one of those Lost Years that I can't do anything about. Which is why I'm earmarking 2011 as the Year Of The Steve. I'll be tearin' the roof off the sucka like you've never seen.

One thing on Steve Hutchinson before I move on.

It's without question that the Beginning of the End happened when Ruskell dicked around with Hutch, used the Transition Tag when there was a perfectly good Franchise Tag just sitting there. Like I've said, the guy doesn't value O-Linemen, he's said it himself. He couldn't justify paying both Walter Jones and Hutch major league deals and figured he could get by with the likes of Rob Sims in a pinch.

Of course, no one saw the Poison Pill coming.

I know a lot of Seahawks fans feel hoodwinked on that end; that inserting those kinds of clauses into contracts isn't in the best interests of the sport. I get that. But, you know what? If I were a Vikings fan, I wouldn't have a problem with that stuff. Hell, I'm a fucking Seahawks fan and I don't have a problem with it! Your contract can say whatever the fuck it wants; it is a business, as they say.

I do find it odd that, aside from that one time, and the retaliatory Poison Pill contract when we signed Burlson from the Vikings, no one else has done anything like that since. Maybe there is some religion in the 'burbs.

The point is, good teams - good organizations - find a way to get the players they want. They find a way to win, at any cost. It's why we sit here today at 3-6 while the Vikings are 8-1 and on the inside track for a 1st Round Bye.

I've accepted that. We're just not a good team, not a good organization. Oh sure, we'd like to be; we'd like to think we ARE. But, let's face it, we're hamstrung by one awful fact that will continue to dog us the rest of our lives: We Live In Seattle.

There's something about this place. You can pack it full of all stars and up-and-comers until the cows come home, but all it'll ever get us is MAYBE an appearance in a championship setting. Maybe. And then it's yanked right back down again, like a tablecloth holding up a Thanksgiving dinner.

You want to talk about Billy Goats, or the Great Bambino, well, I've got your curse for you right here. I can't rightly understand to what we should attribute it, but it's there.

Just look at all the players who leave Seattle teams, and then go on to win championships and major awards with other cities! It's absolutely rediculous! You could fill two full baseball teams with all the great ex-Mariners out there. Sure, with football, it's not that easy - you're generally more able to retain your best players in the NFL, for now - but let's face it, the city of Seattle is repelling as many NFL players as the Mariners have either let go or traded unwisely.

Fortunately, the Northwest is such a fun place this time of year; who needs football?

Why, I can put on a rain jacket and take a soggy hike!

I can get in my car and drive around, music drowning out the constant sound of my windshield wipers!

I can go to work!

I can go shopping for a new umbrella!

The world is my Oyster here in the Northwest during the football season when the team I root for sucks ass! So, let's pull up our Long Johns, slip into our galoshes, slide on our backpack with an extra change of dry clothes, and get out there and live! Holy Hell God Damn! It's so fucking great to be alive!

Who remembers the late 90s? Limp Bizkit, Lillith Fair, Fiona Apple taking off all her clothes in that "Criminal" video, something called the Internet where you could play card games with people in Germany (followed by watching them inhale a gallon of shit).

Let's just say the late 90s were a mixed bag.

The Seattle Mariners were exciting for the first time ever; the Seattle Supersonics were perennial playoff contenders; the Seattle Seahawks were a .500 ballclub.

From 1995 through 1999 (the entirety of the Dennis Erickson era and the first year with Mike Holmgren), the Seahawks were 40-40 (40-41 if you count the first-round exit in the playoffs of the '99 season; thank you Trace Armstrong).

With the likes of Rick Mirer, John Friesz, (an aging) Warren Moon, Jon Kitna, and a Glenn Foley (remember Glenn Foley? I sure don't), the Seahawks bashed and slugged their way to mediocre finish after mediocre finish. Sometimes they started out weak and finished strong; sometimes they went 7-2 and finished 2-5. But, by golly, that team was bound and determined to be AVERAGE! And they succeeded!

Was it better or worse than the early 90s? When they went 7-9, 2-14, and a couple 6-10s? While I can't imagine longing for those days to return, at least there was the brief promise every year of drafting someone in the Top 10 who might be a difference maker. Sometimes it worked out (Joey Galloway, Cortez Kennedy), sometimes not so much (Mirer, Ray Roberts, Sam Adams).

What sucks about most .500 teams - especially those of the late 90s - is that, as a fan, you feel you're REALLY close to being a playoff contender. But, there'd be something preventing you from winning a game here or there that you should win. I know during one of those Warren Moon campaigns, we had Special Teams cost us a solid 3 games (with blocked punts and field goals murdering us). That would've taken an 8-8 team and put them squarely into a home playoff game. Some of those teams had bad defenses, some of them were unlucky with injuries, sometimes we just had bad luck (read: poor officiating; I'm looking at you Testaverde).

We were CLOSE, but one way or another we found a way to land at or around 8-8.

This year, again, we're one of those teams. But, you can't really blame any one thing. Yes, the defense has been spotty; yes, the O-Line has been miserable with injuries; yes, the running game is pretty awful. But, we're scoring enough; and we're keeping ourselves in enough games. We're simply Just Not That Good.

Of course, this is an article about .500 teams, and the Seahawks are currently 3-6. With my rudimentary knowledge of math, I know it would take a 5-2 record to get to .500 (4-3 to get close enough). With my rudimentary knowledge of reasoning, I know the Seahawks have a Steven A. Taylor's chance in hell to win even three more ballgames (possibly less, what with the resurgence of Tennessee and the weird competitiveness of Tampa Bay lately). Nevertheless, if they play to their potential (and had they not laid an egg against the Bears and 49ers), this would be a .500 ballclub. But ONLY because there are SO MANY truly awful teams in the NFL.

See, most .500 teams will occasionally win a game they "Shouldn't Win". This team doesn't have a chance in accomplishing this feat, because they forget how to play 60 minutes of football on the road eight times a year. Thus, a game at Houston - pre-season would've been considered a locked victory, then upon looking at the Texans' offense becomes at best a pick 'em - now turns into a Bet The Farm loss for the Seahawks.

That's how this team differs from the Seahawks teams of lore. There is no hope for this team.

How this team is similar is quite simple: Blow It Up. It needs to be blown up.

But, the more I hear about it, the more People In The Know are telling me that Ruskell will likely be given a 2-year extension. Because you've gotta give him time to work with Jim Mora, apparently. If you drop Ruskell, then there's essentially no security for His Guy when a new GM is brought in. And you can't just give a coach one season and drop the curtain on him.

While I can see that, I guess, were I thinking rationally (and not writing a week's worth of Doom & Gloom columns about my football team); as a fan it's unsatisfying.

I'll just finish with this: the recent trend with Ruskell is to panic during the offseason in fixing what's believed to be broken. A couple years ago, he signed two safeties in free agency because we were oft-beaten on deep throws. Then, Shaun Alexander turned 30 and all hell broke loose, so Ruskell brought in Julius Jones and TJ Duckett. Then, 97 wide receivers all went down for the year last year, so we brought in Houshmandzadeh - the best in the free agent class. And he wheeled and dealed for D-linemen who have turned out to be average at best.

Well, this year, it's the O-Line. He better not screw this up. We can't keep trotting out Rob Sims and Heather Locklear and expect to hold up. Hasselbeck needs protection, and I need my sanity back.

I've lambasted the o-line, the general management, and even conceded the skill position players on offense probably aren't up to snuff. But, we've got a bigger problem on our hands. I say bigger not because they're performing worse than the o-line or offense as a whole, but bigger because it's pretty much the only thing our GM has worked to fix through the draft since he started here. And he's failed on all fronts, pretty much.

Yes, it's that defense. Arguably, it's the best thing going on this team right now. And yet, give me an instance in the last two years where this team has gotten a major stop when it needed one. How about a big sack on 3rd down to push a team out of field goal range? Any momentum-shifting turnovers that would go on to win us a football game?

You can't blame injuries for an underperforming defense like you can the offense. Yeah, losing Trufant isn't swell, but look at what you've got going behind him: two highly-drafted (1st and 2nd round, respectively) corners and a solid veteran in Lucas. You should be able to plug them in and be OK for 6 weeks. Our line, aside from a game here and there, has been intact. And sure, missing Lofa and LeRoy for a few games (or the rest of the season) probably doesn't bode well; but Herring and Hawthorne filled in beautifully (Hawthorne even making a case that he could be a low-cost permanent replacement at the Mike linebacker).

But, that's the point, and something that Ruskell doesn't seem to understand. Linebackers are a dime a dozen.

Look at the Pittsburgh Steelers, as an example. Do they have some crystal ball that aids them in discovering the best of the best linebackers? Of course not. I'm sure they have some idea in what they're looking for, but essentially they pick Whoever and make Whoever into stars thanks to their scheme. They're not picking linebackers with the Number 4 pick in the draft; of course, when do they ever draft in the top 10 (hardly ever, because if they did, they wouldn't be picking linebackers!)

Of course, I loved the Curry pick as much as the next guy and I'm not going to throw him under the bus now. He very well could be the next Lawrence Taylor. Or, he could be the next Boz.

The point is, look at any Steelers linebacker after they leave Pittsburgh; they're not nearly as effective. Are the Steelers just buying low and selling high? Or are they taking guys who would be average elsewhere and making them better? I believe the latter.

Our defensive line is a joke. Kerney is a washed up injury bug waiting to happen; truly the second coming of Grant Wistrom. We signed him at the downside of his career peak, he had one amazing season, and has done nothing since. We drafted Jackson in the 1st round last year and this is his second year of being a bust. Tapp could be a nice complimentary speed rusher ... if we played the St. Louis Rams 16 times a year. I still like Mebane, and he's still a young guy waiting to blossom, but if he doesn't take a giant leap next year, then he's never going to amount to anything. Cortez Kennedy was double and triple teamed all the time too; he still won the Defensive MVP in 1992 and managed to disrupt more than 1 or 2 plays a game. Colin Cole is a widebody mess who may or may not be helping our run defense. But, it doesn't matter if we can't get any pressure on the quarterback.

How many sacks do we have this year? I have no idea, but a better question would be: How many of those sacks are Coverage Sacks? I'd say quite a bit. And that's not necessarily because our scheme is all that great - we do play a lot of zone against the better passing teams. Essentially our "Coverage Sacks" amount to them running directly to where our defenders are standing, then six seconds later someone manages to get around an o-lineman.

Our blitzes are pathetic. You see how many times Hasselbeck was harrassed last weekend on an all-out blitz? Pretty much at will. How many times have Seahawks blitzes been effective? Almost never. We can't afford to be sending 6 or 7 guys and not getting ANY pressure on the quarterback; our secondary is not that good.

I very much agree with the point made yesterday; I too get sick and tired of people bringing up the likes of Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson (I also desperately yearn for a dynasty team/quarterback). Those two guys were beneficiaries of Otherworldly Defenses; some of the all-time greats, especially in Baltimore that year. Those kinds of defenses come around MAYBE once a decade, through shrewd drafting. Our drafting has been anything but. Our defense entirely depends on the offense carrying it; our defense will never be a top 10 without revamping about 75% of it.

If you take away the two shutouts against horrid offenses, what has our defense done this year? It's been trounced four times (Indy, Dallas, and Arizona twice) and given up scores in the 20s to bad Detroit, Chicago, and San Francisco teams (granted, the Detroit score came down to turnovers by our offense, but even with a short field you should be holding them to field goals). And like I said before, has there ever been a time where they got a stop late in the game when a stop was badly needed?

Good defenses, defenses that will help win playoff games, they'll get signature stops. The 2005 defense might not have been holding teams to single digits, but they got turnovers. They created pressure for the quarterback, changed his throwing angles, made him uncomfortable in the pocket, and yes, got just enough sacks to force more punts and less 3rd down conversions.

This all comes back to Ruskell. He's the architect of this defense. He thought he could replicate what he did in Tampa lo those many years ago. Undersized, fast players wreaking havoc. All that amounts to now is the likes of Kurt Warner camping out in the pocket while Larry Fitzgerald leaps over our sub-6 foot cornerbacks to grab ball after ball.

As you can plainly see, I'm not bitter. Nor am I obsessing in the slightest. Tomorrow: what the fuck is up with our crappy special teams?

Let me go ahead and start with the last comment first. Kurt Warner MAY be a more gifted quarterback than Hasselbeck, but it's not by a wide margin.

I mean, let's face it, Warner was not only blessed with Orlando Pace in his prime (a wash, compared to Walter Jones, I'll admit), but he had two of the best wide receivers of the 90s in Bruce and Holt; not to mention Marshall Faulk, who I think we will all admit was leaps and bounds better than Shaun Alexander, ESPECIALLY when he was catching 90 balls a year. Not only that, but he had a dynamic offensive coordinator/head coach in Mike Martz who developed the Greatest Show On Turf.

Who did Hasselbeck have in his prime? You're looking at Bobby Engram, a guy jettisoned from the Bears without a blink; you're looking at Darrell Jackson, a 3rd round pick who had a severe case of the Dropsies throughout his career; and you're looking at a mixed bag of Koren Robinson (drunk and also a ball-dropper of the highest degree), Joe Jurivicious (a servicable, slow, white, tall receiver), and the Jeremy Stevens/Itulu Mili/Christian Fauria triumverate of crap.

Then, for the longest time, Kurt Warner was crap. Utter crap. There was a good long stretch there when Faulk was gone, Bruce was old, and he just played like ass. The last two years with the Rams, that abysmal year with the Giants, and the first couple with the Cardinals.

Now, Warner is good again, and look at his weapons. The best receiver alive right now in Fitzgerald, and Anquan Boldin, arguably the toughest receiver out there (and he's pissed off at his contract right now; imagine how he'd be playing if he were a happy camper).

I'm pretty sure you or I could be a marginal hall of famer with weapons like that our entire careers.

No, I don't think Hasselbeck is ever going to lift a franchise on his back like Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, or even Drew Brees. And it's more than a little annoying that it takes him so long to get in tune with his receivers. But, if you give that man some stability in his weapons, and a line that can protect him (where he doesn't have to worry about getting the ball out of his hands in under 3 seconds before a wave of defenders are up his ass), then he'll do some damage for you. Give him a running game, and he looks all the better.

But, you can say that about pretty much every quarterback. Especially Kurt Warner.

I will agree with you that I too don't believe the Seahawks will see the playoffs again with Hasselbeck, but I don't think it's his fault. This team NEEDS to be blown up. You can't patch up an offensive line in one offseason; the good ones almost never become free agents (unless you are Tim Ruskell). Even if you do your damnedest in the draft, it's still going to take 1-3 years for them or any other player to get good (except for the rarest of Hall of Famers who come out of the womb playing All Pro ball).

By the time this team rights the ship as far as the line and running game is concerned, it'll be too late for Hasselbeck. He'll either retire because he's been murdered by too many sacks, get cut in a cost-cutting measure and/or because his skills will have dwindled thanks to too many sacks, or leave as a free agent to attach himself to a winning organization to try to win a ring as a backup because he's been sacked too many motherfucking times in this one!

We have two first round draft picks this year. Start praying that this Denver collapse continues. I think it's within the realm of possibility that one of those picks will be a Division 1-A quarterback from a pro-style offense, and one of those picks will be a Left Tackle. If not, and they decide to draft Defense First again, then get ready for the long, cold grasp of winter my friends.

Not only do I make it a personal rule, but I also greatly pride myself on my ability to NOT think about work when I'm not officially On The Clock. I think this is something most work-a-day people can agree with; bringing your work home with you - even if it's just a general nagging concern - is probably the most maddening thing about having a job. Free Time should be free and all that.

Well, I came into work today dreading the whole thing. Maybe it's because I got too much sleep last night (too much quality sleep, thanks to my new pillow, which is proving more and more to be something Dreams are made of), I dunno, but I was wide awake on the bus and all I could think about was all the work I was unable to get to last Friday. It was brutal.

BUT, upon checking my list of Things To Do this morning, it's not looking as bad as I thought.

AND, I had a most delightful crap first thing upon entering the office. A real load off my mind, as it were.

OH, and let us not forget my brilliant Comeback Victory! Without further ado, This Fantasy Moment, brought to you by Steven A. Taylor's New Year's Rockin' Eve! Come party with Steven A. Taylor this New Year's Eve as he wears a lamp shade and NOTHING ELSE!

The last time I looked at my fantasy team, I was down by 60 points to Nate. Through some anomaly, he had every single one of his players - minus Anquan Boldin - going in the morning. So, by the early afternoon, I essentially knew what I had to get to win. When I was still down by 60, there was probably 4 or 5 minutes left in the Seahawks/Arizona game. Somewhere in there, Houshmandzadeh busted out with another 8 points or something. But, I still needed a whopper of a game out of Peyton Manning, Dallas Clark, and the rejuvinated Jerod Mayo. Well, 40, 11, and 7 points later, I have an 11 point victory over Nate's Absentee Juggernaut. Big Ups to the Redskins Defense for knocking out Kyle Orton after ONLY getting 25 points (he was on pace for 60 with the bombs he was dropping on Brandon Marshall). Likewise, Tennessee's defense got me 2 touchdowns late against the bills.

I'd like to provide a Shout Out to the Lance Petemans in hoping they can hang on against Mark, though it looks dubious at best with Baltimore's Defense playing Cleveland. Here's to Derrick Mason having a monster game. And Brady Quinn being able to generate some offense. It wouldn't shock me; Baltimore isn't nearly as good as they used to be.

Anyway, onto the weekend at hand. On Friday I had Jake & Lee Ann over to drink and play games. Mostly, I just drunk, because I get way too ornery when I try to drink and play games that are not exclusively Drinking Games. Like I say, when I drink, I want to drink; I don't want to be saddled to a game that detracts from my stated goal.

Saturday was super boffo as I dragged my ass out of the squalor, into the shower, and off to Seattle to see Eddie play music with the Puget Sound Symphony Orchestra. With Matt and Anne and Juli and Colin and Jessica and Katrina and others, we had primo near-front seats at the Town Hall (theater?) on 8th and Seneca. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, though I'm almost always going to have a good time when live music is concerned.

I ended up going right back home after that though, as I had shit to do (laundry), plus I was pretty tired.

Sunday was, as always, Football. Fucking Seahawks. Not only do they defy the hell out of my expectations by competing, but they give me false hope in taking a tie game into the 4th quarter and even having a brief lead late into the game. It seemed that their defensive strategy early of having a ton of DBs to disrupt the passing game would be just the solution we needed to prevent the Cardinals from gashing us deep. But, eventually, they figured out our piss-poor zone, we never adjusted, and they killed us on quick-strike drives late in the game to seal our doom.

Heather Locklear looked like balls in his first game back, often letting speeding rushers blow right by him; but then again, it's not like Sims, Spencer, or Unger were all that superior either. Justin Forsett looked MIGHTY impressive in taking over ball-handling duties after Julius Jones went down with an injury; may he never recover!

But, look, we're just not that good. We're about as healthy as we're ever going to be; Hasselbeck is feeling as good as he has in weeks; our contingent of skill position players are all in there; we're just not good.

Between the Huskies and the Seahawks, we're surrounded by football teams playing below expectations. The only difference is, we never had ANY expectations for the Huskies until after the USC game, when at least getting the chance to go to a bowl game seemed like a certainty (I don't think any Husky fan, after watching them beat USC, believed we WOULDN'T get to 6-6 after that showing); whereas, all expectations for the Seahawks were in the Pre Season, when we believed last season was a fluke. Certainly we couldn't get bitten by Injuries like that AGAIN! With a healthy Hasselbeck, Houshmandzadeh, and a rejuvination of sorts out of an enthusiastic coaching staff, we'll be better! There's no WAY Kurt Warner is staying healthy for two straight years ...

Let's face it, though, there's something fundamentally wrong with this team. The Defense is soft and prone to assignment mistakes (watching LeRoy Hill lose contain on a Beanie Wells touchdown run was particularly aggravating). The offense sputters too often, giving up more sacks than we can for a team NOT named the Pittsburgh Steelers, and Hasselbeck takes way too long to get familiar with new receivers. It shouldn't take him so long to develop a rapport with Houshmandzadeh! These are pro bowl calibre players we're talking about!

Sorry, I just have to break up the monotony. Doing the same damned boring-ass thing for hours on end has made my quite loopy. I'm currently on a regimen of Water & Sharpie-Sniffing.

There's been a lot of oddness out of the Aerosmith camp in recent months/weeks/days. The last thing I fully remember was their tour with ZZ Top, but that's probably been ages ago.

I grew up - from about 1988 on, so from the age of 7 or so - idolizing this band. They were the first Real concert I ever attended (with my dad, in '93 I think, at the Tacoma Dome), as I refuse to count the Puyallup Fair concerts I attended prior (The Monkees and Colour Me Bad ... don't judge me).

As with most music in my formative years, I discovered Aerosmith on MTV. "Rag Doll" and "Dude Looks Like A Lady" and even the sap-filled "Angel" were all on pretty heavy rotation over a year after their release, and all aces in my book. The first album of theirs I bought was 1989's cassette "Pump" (registering classics such as Janie's Got A Gun, The Other Side, What It Takes, and a personal favorite Love In An Elevator). Soon after, I bought their seminal comeback hit, 1987's "Permanent Vacation" with the songs mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph.

I would eventually go on to discover that this band had apparently been around for decades in some form or another. Shocked, I bought a "Greatest Hits" album that had nothing that I would hear on MTV ...

except a rarely-if-ever played duet with Run DMC that's now lauded with not only being the single reason Aerosmith ever became relevant again, but also legitimized Rap & Hip Hop as musical genres and started a wave of late-90's Rap-Rock outfits; which I find absolutely rediculous, because at the time MTV almost never played the "Walk This Way" video, and rap music didn't start gaining in popularity until the underground "Gangsta" scene went mainstream with N.W.A. and its deciples; and as far as Aerosmith being popular again, I'm sure it had nothing to do with 14 hit singles/videos getting regular airplay in a 10-year period ...

But, I grew to like their older stuff, and went on to purchase all their old albums on cassette (most for five bucks apiece; some of the rarer ones being more, as they were not very popular or even that good without the full lineup intact).

I kinda got tired of Aerosmith in the mid-to-late 90s, with an endless string of "Hits" albums, unnecessary live albums, and paltry, ballad-laden studio albums. When they stopped writing the bulk of their own songs, that's when it started to go downhill. And they knew it, which is why they did that horrific blues covers album Honkin' On Bobo at the turn of the century. They'd forgotten how to rock, and their formula for making hits was starting to dry up as "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" won the award for Song That Most Makes Me Want To Chop My Dick Off.

Though, I'd never really considered them as a "Classic Rock Band" until they did that tour with ZZ Top. What's this? Touring with a bunch of old fucks? That can't be cool! But, of course, everyone in Aerosmith is in his 60s. They ARE the American Rolling Stones, right down to the fact that they no longer make relevant new music anymore. When they tour, the people just want The Hits, so I would assume that's what Aerosmith gives them.

Until recently when lead singer Steven Tyler fell and broke a hip or something. Good thing he had his medical alert bracelet on him, otherwise the audience would've thought it was a part of his act. Up to that point, they had been working on an album of new material that I had high hopes of it disappointing. Then, out of nowhere, Tyler declared himself a freelance singer for the next two years (apparently without consulting the band) to work on a solo project or something.

Which is retarded, whenever ANY lead singer of a rock band does a "Solo Album". If you're a rock band with a singer, EVERY album is a Solo Album! People only buy records from bands if the singer is good! Shit on it all! The Solo Album is just an excuse for a power-hungry bastard to have total control over his piece-of-shit masterpiece that he dumps on the music consumer. See:

Scott Weiland
Vince Neil
David Lee Roth
Serj Tankian
Chris Robinson
Mick Jagger
Thom Yorke
John Fogarty
Chris Cornell

Don't see:

Zach De La Rocha, because he never released one in spite of threats.

No Solo Album has ever or will ever be better than what the Original Band could produce, that's the bottom line.

Anyway, now there's conflicting reports. Is Tyler out of Aerosmith? Will they try to find a new singer? Will he come to his senses and not do a solo album? I have no fucking clue, but I do know that if this is the end, it'll be disappointing. I'm usually an optimist when it comes to bands I love (or once loved) and their abilities to Turn It Around. I was holding out hope that Aerosmith would put out an album - that they had a hand in writing - and it would be classic gold like their late-80s fare or early 70s stuff. Here's to hoping it happens that way.

Finally a Writer's Block dud. To wit: How will you use technology or the Internet to help you plan and prepare this year’s Thanksgiving feast?

Fortunately, I'm not doing a Thanksgiving this year like last year's drunken bash. The most I'll use technology or the Internet for is perhaps to look up directions on how to get to my aunt's new place.

You know, I haven't quite figured out how I feel about Dexter until now. I'm officially 1 Season and 5 Episodes in. I think that qualifies for me to have an opinion.

It's kinda bad, but in a good way. Some of the writing - especially the Dexter Voiceover parts - is really cheesy and cliched, but I'm finding it hard to decipher if it's on purpose or not. Some of the acting - especially that of the black cop - is fairly over-the-top, but again, I can't tell if that's on purpose either.

There's a lot to laugh at with this show, but I can't tell if that's because I'm watching it with Devin and Colin (which is akin to three 6th graders watching a show like this). I also can't tell if all the parts we find funny were supposed to be that way.

Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying every minute of Dexter. It's just hard to gather what the intentions are in producing something like this, especially since I never read the novels (which, I understand, are the basis for the show). Like, each season is a novel, I guess.

Anyway, the storylines are absolutely captivating. And the Latin actors are two of my favorites (from the show Oz; but I checked, and the makers of Oz have nothing to do with this show even though it has a very Oz-like feel), with the good-natured guy cop and the conniving power-mad female ... head of the department.

For those of you unfamiliar with the premise: Dexter is a guy who kills people, but those people - through his rigorous investigation - are determined to either be killers, or people who are going to kill someone else. He's not just a vigilante, though; Dexter has an innate urge to kill dating back to a traumatic incident in his childhood, which led to his being adopted by a police officer who learned of his secret early on and taught Dexter how to control his urges and cover his ass.

So, nearly every episode, Dexter goes on his crusade, learning more and more about his past as he does it. Then, there's a season-long story-arc that goes with it. The first season was about a serial killer called the Ice Truck Killer, who kept chopping up whores. Dexter works for the Miami PD as a blood analyst, so he gets to play the part of the hero and the secretive anti-hero.

The show isn't as addicting as, say, The Wire or Rescue Me. I don't find myself with the overwhelming urge to devour entire seasons in a single day. Nevertheless, this is compelling stuff. I highly recommend it.

I'm kind of a freak when it comes to music. As I was on the bus last night, bored out of my shit, I noticed a trend in what I was listening to on my iPod recently.

I should probably make it a point to mention here that, as a freak, I've compiled nearly 60 gigs of music on my iPod, all in the form of albums (with the exception of a small percentage of songs I use for running, with no ties to their respective albums).

Anyway, lately, I've just been going up and down the alphabet. From White Zombie to the White Stripes to Street Sweeper Social Club to Primus to Megadeth to Juno to Green Day to Butthole Surfers to Blur ... with the natural progression bringing me back down from A to Z again.

So, I got to thinking, what if I went letter by letter, band by band, and picked the best album from every Letter on my iPod. It would look a little something like the following list I'm going to get to in a moment.

See, I was reminded of my musical freakiness as I listened to Blur's album "13". I want to say that album came out in 1999, because that's the same year I started college. There's a song on that album called 'B.L.U.R.E.M.I.' Don't ask me what it stands for. Just know that it's a fairly insane song, yet very cool by my standards.

Early on in my Freshman year, on Mercer 4-West, the RA held a get-together that I thought was supremely cool. Her name was Jewel something-or-other, and she was pretty awesome. This was a Meet-n'-Greet type of thing in the Lounge, where everyone would congregate and sit around a little stereo system. I'm not positive, but I think I offered to use mine for the party. Either way, it doesn't matter.

I recall a few things about this party. First, I remember being REALLY excited about it. Not because it was an opportunity to meet people and make lasting friendships, but because it was an opportunity to flaunt my taste in music to a captive audience.

The Music Freak, if he had it his way, would capture and hog-tie his victims, sitting them in an enclosed room, forcing them to listen to hours upon hours of obscure songs from even more obscure bands. Until they LOVED them as much as he does!

Ahem, as I was saying. I remember getting a prime seat on the floor next to the stereo, with my little stack of CDs by my side. All week, I'd been pouring over my music collection, making a list of the best, most unique songs I could think of. Songs no one was listening to; but dammit, songs they SHOULD be listening to! This party wasn't meant to go all night, but I was prepared just in case.

I also remember, for the most part, people were mostly interested in talking to one another rather than listening to the music we were all sharing. Poseurs.

And finally, I remember playing that above-referenced Blur song, as well as an 8-minute all-instrumental live guitar solo by Black Flag. After that, I sort of lost control of the stereo until near the end of the party when nobody gave a shit about listening to music whatsoever. Then, I was free to play what I wanted, until it ended about ten minutes later.

I've had other, similar disasterous experiences in sharing my taste in music. I remember back in middle school offering to DJ a class party at the end of the school year. I think it was 6th grade. The teacher had a small boombox and I brought in about 10 cassette tapes. Nine of them were rock albums of the Guns N' Roses, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers variety. One was a Boyz II Men album I brought to give a little musical diversity to the thing. In the end, everyone in class complained about the rock and we listened to the entirety of the Boyz II Men album. So incomprehensibly bogus!

And don't even get me started on my choices for Karaoke songs!

Anyway, as I was saying, I have a poor track record in recommending music to people. Because I get WAY too excited (like Tommy Boy and his dinner roll) and inevitably bring to the table music no one can get behind. Nevertheless, this is my journal, so I'm putting it out there for everyone (or, most likely no one) to read.

As for the rules of the list, I was going to go by iPod alphabetizing (where, for instance, someone like Joni Mitchell would be listed under J as opposed to M), but I freaked out when I got to the H's and realized that I was going to have to put Hole's "Live Through This" as my H album. As it stands, I put all of my favorite albums on my iPod, so this list should be pretty official. Also, I tried my best to shy away from Greatest Hits collections (I couldn't avoid it in one case). Anyway, here it goes, in all it's glory:

Aerosmith - Pump (it came down to this album, older Aerosmith albums, and "Dirt" by Alice In Chains; but I stand behind this decision)
Beck - Odelay (not really a Beatles fanatic, plus this album is brilliant from head to toe)
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Cosmo's Factory
The Doors - The Doors
Electric Six - Fire
Faith No More - The Real Thing
Guns N' Roses - Use Your Illusion
Hendrix, Jimi - Electric Ladyland
Interpol - Turn On Your Bright Lights (not a whole lot of I's to choose from)
Jane's Addiction - Ritual De Lo Habitual
Kings of Leon - Aha Shake Heartbreak
Led Zeppelin - I
Metallica - Master of Puppets
Nirvana - Nevermind (lots of M's and N's to choose from; this one wasn't easy)
Ol' Dirty Bastard - Nigga Please (very few O's; came down to this and Of Montreal)
Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon (probably could've been "Ten" by Pearl Jam, but it wasn't)
Queen - Greatest Hits (couldn't resist; this collection is better than anything Queens of the Stone Age ever did)
Radiohead - Kid A
Soundgarden - Superunknown
Tool - Aenima (Lots of T albums, but not a lot of great ones, until I came down to Tool)
U2 - War
Van Halen - 1984
Wilco - A Ghost Is Born (probably a controversial choice, with The Who, the White Stripes, and White Zombie out there; went with my gut on this one)

Yo La Tengo - I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass
Zappa, Frank - Hot Rats

I got screwed by the letter X. I don't have any bands that start with X in my iPod! I suppose I could download something by the punk band X, but who's to say that's going to be gold? Really a disappointment, but what can you do? Eventually I'll come out with a complete list.

Man, call Writer's Block "butter" because it's on a roll lately. Check out this masterpiece:

Would you rent or buy the home of your dreams if a brutal murder had taken place there? What if you got to live there rent-free? Would you think twice if neighbors warned you that it was haunted?

I was thinking about this recently, because it's a fairly common plot device, especially in horror movies. I would not only buy my Dream House if a murder had taken place there, I plan on actively seeking out Murder Houses, because that just so happens to be one of the criteria to make my Dream House List.

Indian Burial Grounds and Pet Cemeteries are different stories. I would probably think twice at that point. Not necessarily because I think my house would be haunted by ghosts, demons, or poltergeists; but DEFINITELY because I wouldn't want to be so close to a graveyard when the Zombie Uprising happens.

Don't motherfucking say I didn't warn you.

But anyway.

I'm here to extoll those underappreciated days of the year: Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Columbus Day, and Veterans Day. Not necessarily because I'm madly in love with King, Columbus, or Veterans (though they've certainly earned at least some amount of praise), and not because I actually get any of these holidays off. Nevertheless, these are good days, because Federal Employees stay home and yet everything else remains open. Sure, normal people have to work, because we're not coddled by the American government. But, for some reason, going to work on these days isn't quite so bad.

That reason being: Easy Commuting.

I got to park on Level 2 of the parking garage! (as opposed to Level 3) My morning bus had, like, 7 people on it! (as opposed to 500) Downtown traffic in the morning and afternoon was easypeasy! (as opposed to a buttfuck) I had my own double-seat on my afternoon bus! (as opposed to some big-butted woman with her nose in a James Patterson book right next to me)

What I'm trying to say is: we'd all be better off if there were no civil servants or federal employees. Traffic would be better, population would be controlled, and the percentage of blatantly ugly people would go way down (not to mention IQs and aptitudes would go way up). Sure, we'd be without mail delivery and banking services. But, we'd also be without politicians and the DMV! I can pay bills electronically and keep my money in a fucking matress if it meant no more elections or Drivers License Renewals.

Just sayin'

If you could only listen to one CD for the rest of your life, what would you choose and why?

That is just an impossible question, all around. Are you kidding me? First of all, if you go by the way it's worded vs. what may be the intent of the question, then I have to assume there are no loopholes in this thing. It's asking for one CD, not one Album. So, boxed sets, double-albums, and all of that are out the window. If I tried to pull that, then I'd have to pick one of the multiple CDs in any given set.

I'll get back to this.

So, I'm on the bus last night, and let me fill you in on the busses to Tacoma. You can take any of the following: 590, 593, 594, and your first stop once you get off of I-5 is the Tacoma Dome station (that also might be the only stop, but I've never stayed on longer to test this notion). I get on the bus at one of its first stops on its journey through Downtown, so I get my pick of the seats. 20-30 minutes later, my bus gets on I-5, packed to the gills.

During Rush Hour, you'll probably see a bus coming every 5-10 minutes through Downtown. They always fill up. Sometimes, it's full at 2nd and Stewart; sometimes not until Pioneer Square, but it always fills. Inevitably, you'll run across a couple people who are in such a hurry to get home that they'd rather stand for the entirety of their commute rather than wait the 5-10 minutes in hopes of running across one of those bigger busses that has tons of seating (or just getting lucky in finding a seat in one of the regular-sized busses).

I've done this before. It sucks. Generally, if you get on the bus at or after Pioneer Square, you are screwed. The 590s run all through Sodo picking up the also-rans. It sucks because the commute to Tacoma down I-5 isn't just long, it's excruciatingly long. Because once you hit Pierce County, there are no HOV lanes. So, when Fife rolls around, traffic is almost always at a stand-still. There's nothing worse than standing on an unmoving bus.

Unless you're one of those people who just don't mind standing. By all means, if you can stand for an hour in one spot without the desire to shoot your legs off, then go for it.

But, if you're like most people, you'd rather be sitting. So, I'll add this: at two points in our journey through Sodo last night, women were offered the seats of men by the men. One woman declined, one took him up on his generous offer. You know what I did? Kept my headphones on, kept my big mouth shut, and enjoyed my fucking ride down to Tacoma secure in the fact that laziness rules my world and chivalry for some saps isn't at all dead.

What I don't get is: why get on the bus if it's clear there's only Standing Room when you'd rather be sitting? What if chivalry WAS dead? What if only women (and me) were on the bus? You can't wait a little longer if it'll spare great discomfort?

As for the CD question, I HAVE found a loophole. Data CD. I'm packing that thing with 700 MB worth of MP3s and thumbing my nose at the establishment. Take that Writer's Block!